Friday, December 17, 2021

Words Fail.

After my dad died my family's life was flipped upside down. Mine. My sisters. My mom's life. And it took a long time for things to get back on track. While things were off track they got really bad. And while I feel some ownership to mention it because it's my story, it's not just my story to tell. But what I will say is that I felt unable to be held by my mom for a time while she dealt with the blows life was giving her. 

And do you know what? God is good. Even in the worst of times. He really is. God sent me the Jones family. God sent me Peyton Jones who became my best friend. One of the blessings that came along with Peyton was his mom, Leslie. And thank the Lord. That family came in when I needed them the most. They showed up and never left. I came to find that Leslie had the biggest heart. (If any one of her people loved you then she loved you.) And do you know what? She held me when my mom couldn't. That was huge. It's everything. She opened her arms, her house, her family to my sister and I time and time again and that's not something I could forget or ever begin to repay over the course of twenty years. To be honest, twenty is just a fraction of the time I thought I'd have with her. Leslie was barely 56. I thought I'd have more time. More time for everything. To let her know how loved she was. To let her know how irreplaceable she was. To let her know how special she was. To be there for her. To repay her. To show up for her and never leave.

While I sit here feeling cheated tonight it would be unfair not to properly acknowledge what memories we did get to make. The pink Nike bra she got me for my 13th birthday that Peyton was beyond embarrassed to give me but that was actually super cute. Going to Damen's house before prom & Leslie loving on us and taking our prom photos that I still cherish. The New Years Eve Tony and I spent at home with Leslie and Darryl. Yelling at us to hush way too many times when we played board games at her house way too late but not going so far as to kick us out because I think she loved having all of us there. Presley getting stung by several wasps and in the middle of me freaking out Leslie turns to me and tells me I need to color my grey hairs. 😅 Hundreds of normal, everyday moments that we didn't catalog in any way. Birthdays, baby showers, weddings, funerals, and holidays. 






Tony and I both know her as our second mom because that is exactly what she was to us. (And Darryl a second dad.) And then when our kids came along she became their unofficial Granny Leslie. All three of our kids loved her but Molly just always gravitated to her and would talk about Leslie all the time! And Leslie snapped such a great photo of Molly at a time when that little girl was much more in her shell than she is these days.




I am so grateful for this woman. Grateful for all her family that she brought into my life along with herself. Her sisters, cousins, kids, grandkids, nieces, nephews. It would be criminal to not acknowledge how much she loved her late husband, Darryl; their boys Peyton and Damen; and her grandkids Landon, Trinity, and Ryder. They lit up her life. 



My tab with Leslie Jones was overdue. It went unpaid. But to be honest, how do you repay something like that? She probably never would have let me anyways. She was a lover and a giver and she did it without strings. That was her nature. Words truly fail in this moment.

Leslie, There will never be another you for any of us. We are broken because it seems impossible to say goodbye when we weren't ready. I just pray you knew how much you meant to me and to all of us. How much you and your unconditional love truly carried me through good and bad days. How thankful I am for all the regular moments. The ones we didn't think to keepsake. How sorry I am that I ever squandered the time we had in between. But bigger than all that is all the love we have for you. Life will never be the same without you here. I promise to let your love and kindness live on in me. Thank you for every bit that you shared with me, taught me, gave me, showed me. I will never forget it.





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