Crosby: 2 Months

Somehow it has been 9 weeks since I brought Crosby into this world. It has been a tumultuous nine weeks, that's for sure. I was so sure that I knew everything I needed to know about taking care of a baby. I thought I knew all I needed to know about breastfeeding a newborn. Surely this third child of mine would be a breeze! But I was served a slice of humble pie with Crosby. It reminded me that I'm not immune to the highs or lows that come along with breastfeeding - it's a tough ass journey. When you're sleep deprived and you already feel like you're giving every single part of yourself as a human to your new baby and any other children in your home... then when you feel like you're scraping the bottom of your barrel it's time for the next feeding. Sometimes it honestly feels like you have NOTHING left to give and yet you're the only one can satiate your baby for what they need. You feel desperate. You feel like quitting. But for whatever reason, you choose stick with it. Maybe it's the health benefits for baby or the health benefits for you. Maybe it's the fact that you literally cannot afford the insane costs of formula. And from somewhere within the depths of your reserves, you pull out the mental and physical energy it requires to keep going. Ladies and gentlemen, this shit is not easy. And for everyone who has tried breastfeeding - you have my deepest respect. I understand what you're going through! It's so hard.

For everyone who has decided not to breastfeed, you have every bit of my understanding and respect. I am with you no matter what you choose! None of it's easy!!! And if you would have handed me the money to buy formula five weeks ago, I would have quit this breastfeeding journey on the spot - and probably kissed you on the mouth. So trust me - never judgment from me. When I talk about breastfeeding, it's not from a high horse. But it is how I feed my baby and so I will talk a lot about it in my blogs, I'm sure.

To update on me suspecting/worrying that Crosby could have a tongue or lip tie, I've now taken him to a pediatrician, a lactation consultant, and a pediatric dentist - all who gave me great insight and help and each of them telling me that IF he does have a tie that it is so slight that it's nothing to worry about. (But for the most part all of them thought he had enough mobility in his lip and tongue that he most likely doesn't have a tie.) The LC noted he has a super high palate and that could be the cause of his weak latch. The pediatric dentist (who is seriously phenomenal) showed me that Crosby's got quite an overbite - already! - and that his weak lower jaw could be making his latching a little more difficult. So, after seeing the dentist I feel like I can finally put the tie thing behind us.

Crosby seemed to have a reflux issue from the get-go and would projectile vomit once daily... it was sooo draining and worrisome. Thankfully that has been getting better! His pediatrician thinks it was due more to underdeveloped muscles that aid in digestion rather than a reflux issue. (I hope I'm explaining that correctly!) His gassiness and pain after eating has eased as well. He still makes a clicking noise while he breastfeeds but it doesn't seem to be doing any harm.

He eats often and well and has been gaining weight as a result. Crosby weighed 7#15oz at birth and at his two month check-up Wednesday he was up to 12#5oz (and 23.5 inches)! This puts him in the 50% range for growth which is wonderful.

Cros is in a size two diaper and wears 3-6 month clothes, and he's been laughing in his sleep - yet he doesn't know he can do it while he's awake yet. He smiles! And it really does melt my heart. He loves being in the ergo carrier - that's how I shop, pick up Presley from school in the afternoons, or get things done around the house. The most consistent way Crosby falls asleep every night it in Tony's arms with him walking Crosby around the house. Works like clockwork! Speaking of sleep it's different for him every night but he will sleep for 5-6 hour stretches if I'm remembering correctly. Some nights are better than others!

Tony is such an awesome team player... I feed Crosby and he'll change diapers. He never hesitates to help put him to sleep. In general Tony has no issue helping me on all fronts and I am beyond grateful for that in my partner. Each time while going through the rough first 6 weeks or so while breastfeeding Tony is so ultra supportive. He'll grab a new breast pad for me, fill up my water, bring me my Boppy pillow, burp/change Crosby, encourage me to keep going, help me remember why I don't actually want to give up... etc.

It reminds me how much it takes a freaking VILLAGE to be successful... and sometimes not even then does it work out! I hope so much to be that encouragement to other moms in whatever way they feed their babies! None of it is easy and we're all just trying to survive these early days.

So that's about it for our two month update. We're still in absolute survival mode BUT in so many ways things are getting easier day by day. And even though each one of them takes turns driving me insane, I love my family and I'm grateful for them.

This is my motherhood: unwashed hair, tired face, babywearing, cookie-or-grumpy-faced kids and throwing together an outfit and just hoping it looks good together! But these are good kids and they might be crazy days but they are good days.