Baby 3.0: It's A....

I'm pretty sure I'm still in shock that we'll be bringing a baby boy home later this year!

There were so many little differences in this pregnancy than my other two that deep, deep down I wondered if it was a boy. I caught myself calling this baby "he" all the time to Presley (probably subconsciously to balance out her insistence that this was a girl) and of course every appointment when the heart rate was considerably lower than the girls' were, I just kept feeling that this would be a boy. I didn't talk a whole lot about it because I am weird and didn't want to jinx anything! When our ultrasonographer told us it was a boy I had such an instant reaction... so excited and definitely the same tears streaming down my face as the other two times we've found out!

We haven't had a whole lot of time to really process the information yet so I am still in shock about it. But the overwhelming feeling in the house is one of excitement. And maybe once I gather my wits I'll be able to write something heartfelt but for now... it's just the news. The Duggans will be adding a baby boy to the family this Fall!

Baby 3.0: BOY or GIRL?

Tomorrow is the BIG appointment where we'll find out if this baby is a he or she. Gender isn't a huge factor to me, to be honest. I don't feel that either gender is more important than the other - both are beautiful and wonderful and deserve celebration. We don't have all pink things in this house because we currently have all girls. My girls love their Disney princesses full of magic, dresses, and singing but they're equally fascinated by all things Star Wars including light saber fights. They dig in the dirt and they aren't being raised to know the difference between "boy" and "girl" colors, clothes, or toys.

So in this regard, the outcome of tomorrow's ultrasound isn't hanging in the balance for us. I don't feel that our family would be incomplete if we are lucky enough to have a third girl. Will we miss out on certain experiences? Potentially, but not necessarily. I might not ever get a mother/son wedding dance. We might not experience what it's like to raise a son or have our family name carried on by another generation. But that wasn't our purpose for having a third kid.

It also doesn't mean we can't be excited at the prospect of having a boy. Because we absolutely are! But looking forward to the possibility of having a boy absolutely doesn't mean I'll be disappointed if I find out I'm carrying a girl. I am over-the-moon excited by each outcome!

There are so many wonderful things we look forward to no matter what the gender of this baby turns out to be! I'm so looking forward to holding my sweet baby and seeing his or her big sisters holding them as well. I love seeing Tony take care of a newborn. The love that grows from having a baby just strengthens the bond of our marriage and while it's not all sunshiny moments (spit up, poop outs, sleepless days and nights...) I know when Tony and I concur these mountains together in the early days it does something so wonderful for us. The thrill of going through it all again for the first time by experiencing what it's like to have a boy is both exciting and terrifying! While having our 3rd girl would bring back so many wonderful memories while still introducing this entirely new little life into our hearts and family.

So when people have asked me what I'm hoping to have this time around, I never quite know how to answer that. I don't want to sputter off the cliche of "as long as they're healthy" but geez, is that not so true? Most of the time I just say what I'm honestly feeling. Yes, I am hoping to have a boy on this particular day, but no it's not because I feel like my family only is of value as long as I produce a son for my husband. Tony says he'd love to see what a little boy of ours would look like - and of course so would I - but we both agree we'd be so anxious to see how the features of another girl of ours would manifest. I feel like it's totally normal to feel the joy and sadness in every experience. If we don't have a boy to carry on the Duggan name, will I be a little sad for that? Yes. Just like I was when that happened with my Myers generation (all girls from both my dad and my uncle). But feeling that amount of grief doesn't take away from the happiness that will inevitably come from having another baby girl. I love my family but do I yearn for weekends full of staying in bed with my husband all day? Absolutely. Denying the full extent of your feelings is the first step towards a bitter place that I don't want to be. So it's okay to be excited and scared and happy and sad all at the same time.

After bringing each kid home we vowed to ourselves and each other that we would stop putting one another through the hell of the newborn phase. Eventually though, we felt in our hearts that our family wasn't complete; that we had more love to give. We just weren't done yet. Sometimes I joke since we are hoping to purchase a van sooner than later that now we can keep having kids until the van is full! Other days I panic a little about Tony & me being outnumbered by children in a few months. And to make my mind an even more crazy place to be, it makes me a bit sad to think this is potentially our last baby.

Parenthood makes you even more irrational than you were before! But I would choose this life over and over again given the chance. And as long as the baby cooperates tomorrow, I can't WAIT to share with everyone what we are having!

Baby 3.0: 19 Weeks + Mother's Day!

Thank goodness we finally felt the baby kicking around this last week. Yep, not just me but Tony, too, felt the baby kick. It couldn't have happened at a more perfect time either. We were in the middle of a conversation about possibly calling the doctor's office the next day - I had a lot of anxiety about being nearly 19 weeks along and not feeling movement - when this baby decides to start kicking me. Tony put his hand on my belly and felt it, too! So wonderful. I'm still not feeling a whole lot of movement or kicking but at least once a day puts my mind at ease.

My "cravings" lately include Taco Bell soft tacos (which is a place I have not eaten at for a long time before this pregnancy), hot Cheetos, and my homemade Shepherd's Pie (though technically I should refer to my recipe as Cottage Pie since I use beef instead of lamb). And if I had to choose what I think I'm having, right now I would choose a boy. But for the record, I thought the same thing when I was pregnant with Presley! We find out on Wednesday and I can not wait to find out! 

19 weeks along carrying baby #3, Molly, and Presley from left to right.

Today was Mother's Day and I hope everyone enjoyed their day. Tony made sure I had no choice but to have a great day and I'm so blessed to have him. I got the best wakeup call and an incredibly thoughtful card from the girls and one from him and a new pair of tennis shoes. We got to relax around the house this morning and met Selena & Mike for a late lunch at Cracker Barrel - which was sooo delicious!!! I love getting all together and I know the girls especially love it. When we got in the car and started heading home Presley told me even though she knew it couldn't be, she wished Grandmommy and Papa could be her parents! So adorable. 

On the way home Tony wanted to drive through Shelby Farms because it's so beautiful. When we came up to the water there were still so many paddle boats out and we've been talking about wanting to do that with the girls for the last several weeks. He parks & hops out of the car to ask about it and comes back with a ticket and told us we were going now! The girls were ECSTATIC. What we didn't really think through was what we were wearing... which was dress shoes for Tony and a dress and sandals for me. And I was in the front of the boat... so anybody out at Shelby Farms this evening who probably got flashed by me - I apologize! Once we were out in the water, Molly decided she didn't want to stay sitting so that coupled with my underwear probably showing the entire time and the wrong choice in footwear for us both, we headed back earlier than we had to. I'm so grateful to be married to a man who doesn't quit... a guy who still looks to surprise me with fun, new, exciting things. 

Couldn't love Molly's serious face more if I tried.

This smile absolutely makes my life so bright.

From start to finish it was a happy day! Certainly not perfect as there were several meltdowns throughout the day from Molly and a few tearful moments from Presley... not to mention my own occasional bad attitude (mostly just the constant underwear flashing ordeal). These girls make me a much better person than I was ever before and I am so glad for every new day we have together. Motherhood over these last four years has been the most difficult and most rewarding experiences... I know it is so cliche to say but I don't know a better way to put it. It has changed everything! Becoming parents has been a catalyst in our marriage in an amazing way and I have never loved Tony more.

And only two more days until we find out a little bit more about our third baby! Happy Mother's Day to every one.