Beliefs.

Today's point of praise: "For the kingdom of God depends not on talk but on power." (1 Cor. 4:20) Day #11

I've been so intimidated on this topic, so I've just been putting it off. I even have a half-finished blog post from about a year ago on the exact topic. The hardest part of it for the longest time was grappling at what did I believe?

I had stepped away from the church in the last few years for several reasons that I'd love to delve into at some point - but probably not this post. One of the surface-level reasons was because going to church with little kids made me stressed and anxious. I felt like if my kids were being noisy and disruptive then I would be taking away from the people near me at mass. I didn't want to catch any grief from anyone else. And like I indicated before, for a few other reasons we just became a family who didn't go to church. I'm a cradle Catholic -- meaning I was born into it -- and I can't remember a time in my childhood when we didn't go to mass every Sunday. It really started to upset me that I wasn't instilling the same in my kids and making the same traditions in my family.

Another surface-level reason? We loved our church community in Illinois so much that when it came time to pick a new church here in Memphis... well let's just say I was beyond picky. The first two churches we visited didn't feel right and to be fair it was more me than them. After trying those few churches, I gave up. Thankfully my oldest daughter, Presley, really started asking if we could start going to church together. At the same time my big sister had been talking to me about getting our kids involved in PRE (Parish Religious Education aka Sunday school) so that they would be on track to make their first communion in 2nd grade. (Presley's questions about God and her desire to go to church increased tenfold when she started PRE this year. Again, thank God!) So my sister and I looked up mass times and PRE times and distances from our houses to various churches to try to find THE ONE church that would be the best fit and thankfully, we kinda did. Funnily enough one of the priests we grew up with at our childhood parish was now the pastor at the church that fit all our criteria... it just seemed like serendipity... which was probably God's hand. When it came time to sign the kids up for PRE we were so broke that it was easier to volunteer to teach every Sunday at church to have the fees waived for my kids.

All this long narrative to say: slowly but surely I dipped my toes back into the Church which became dipping my toes back into the faith. I feel grateful that our God is one that waits and prays that we come back. One that rejoices each time we open our hearts to Him and live for Him. Praise God for that. For His patience and relentlessness. For God not giving up on us. He worked through my bank account and my sister and my daughter and our childhood pastor and countless other ways to wake me back up. And he did it relatively slowly because this dude knows I am slow to wake up. Just ask my sisters. Waking me up for school every day was such a chore. God knows. 😄

It's super cool that one of the bible verses mentioned in today's devotional was the subject of Father Ernie's homily at church last Sunday:

Then he said to Thomas, 'Put your finger here and see my hands, and bring your hand and put it into my side, and do not be unbelieving, but believe.' Thomas answered, and said to him, 'My Lord and my God!' Jesus said to him, 'Have you come to believe because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.'                                                                    John 20:27-29 

Father Ernie said it best when he said we all have doubt from time to time like Thomas. It sure made me feel better for having doubts over the years in various ways. But he said don't let it keep you down. Don't lose your faith because of the doubts. We're not all as fortunate as Thomas was to be able to put our hands on Jesus' hands. We are the blessed who believe and yet have not yet seen.

Also fitting from the devotional today was this quote from Kim Boyce: "As parents, we must be convinced of our beliefs. We must know where we stand, so that our children will know where they stand." Hopefully my kids won't be able to remember a time when we didn't go to mass together every weekend. If our beliefs shape our values and our values shape our lives - am I living in a way that speaks that? Am I doing God's work for others in my life? That's the dream. Living what I believe so that my actions speak for me and ultimately give glory to God.

What God asks of us is both simpler and more profound than adherence to a system of beliefs or following a set of rules. He asks us to walk with him through the blood and guts of our real experience in an honest pilgrimage where we let him show us what real strength, and real love, are all about.                                                                      Paula Rinehart 

I'll be praying for you this week, bloggies, that you can find a way to embrace the things you believe in more fully. That God can do the work on your heart that you might be putting off. If you have any prayer intentions for me please feel free to leave them in the comments below or get ahold of me some other way and I'll be happy to add those into my prayer journal as well. PEACE.

Notre Dame.

Yesterday a fire raged through Notre Dame -- the breathtaking cathedral in Paris, France.

Photos: Benoit Tessier, Philippe Wojazer and Charles Paliau/Reuters @ Cathédrale Notre-Dame de Paris

I feel so heartbroken for the people of Paris... for our Catholic brothers & sisters who look to this gorgeous church as a symbol of fortitude... and for people around the world who feel the loss of an irreplaceable piece of history. Like many of you I was able to see photos and videos being shared of the events that took place today as well as hear the reactions of my friends, family, and others on social media. It eventually lead me to dig deeper into my feelings as I watched.

I chose to take French in high school and was blown away by the beauty of the language and culture and history and the people thanks to my amazing teacher, Mrs. Westbrook at Germantown High School. The class genuinely brought me joy at a time when my life wasn't very joyful. I was also at a place in my life that I didn't yet see learning as an opportunity to grow. I saw it as an obligation I had no choice but to fulfill. So for any high school subject to excite me was rare. During my first year of French I had plans to continue the subject for all four years - even though that intimidated me - and that I would take the class trip to France that the upperclassmen got the chance to take part in. But of course, things change. I got a different teacher in my second year of French class and the subject ended up bringing more dread than joy. After I completed the first two years of our high school's foreign language requirement I decided not to continue. So getting to Paris before leaving high school didn't work out for me.

Even still, I knew I'd make it to France and see all the beauty with my own two eyes eventually. At 31, I'm now well out of high school and while I still haven't made it there, the feeling of wanting to visit has never gone away. And as a Catholic, the cathedral is among the places I'd go visit. It breaks my heart that such a wonderful, holy space filled with so much love and history that has been around for over 800 years could burn and crumble in hours. That no matter what type of rebuilding that could take place, we cannot make these new pieces old again.

It reminds me of the saying that trust is built in drips and lost in buckets. It took nearly 300 years to build this beautiful church and it took less than a day for so much of it to be burned away.

I have no doubt that Notre Dame will be rebuilt. And it will continue to be a symbol of resilience for Parisians and so many around the world. And that gives me hope. But so many people, myself included, will not get to experience the wonder and awe of standing before this beautiful cathedral -- that took so many hands and years and plans and triumphs and failures to become a reality -- as it once was. From this moment forward it will be forever changed. While that makes so many of us sad for good reason, we cannot get stuck there. God asks us to walk by faith and not by sight. We aren't able to understand why these things happen and we certainly can't control them. But what we can do is make the situation new. We can give thanks for what we once had, for the things we still have, and look forward to the beauty in what is to come.

Thank you God for the relics and artwork that were rescued from the flames. Thank you for reminding us once again that the story doesn't end here. Thank you for this opportunity to come together and make things new again. Thank you for the people of Paris.

The Balancing Act.

So I have this great devotional for women "100 Days of Praise" and towards the end of 2011 (yep... over 6 years ago) I started reading and blogging along each day. And even though I've had over 2,000 days to complete the 100 days of praise... I only blogged about 9 of them. NINE! Yikes. So here we go in a new year and my goal is to pick this book up and give it my focus and attention. It's so much easier to feel positive when you take a moment to give thanks for the good things in your life. My life is more fulfilling when I include God in it and make time for Him. And I'd like to thank a recent conversation with a lifelong friend of mine who pointed out that it's silly as heck to let my issues with a certain subset of Christians get in the middle of my relationship with Christ. So while I'm not entirely sure where I stand with organized religion and I'm on very shaky ground in my spiritual life... I am looking to repair much of that. Baby steps.

Today's point of praise: "Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. My yoke is easy and My burden is light." (Matthew 11: 28-30) Day #10

Life is not a cake walk. It's a balancing act. It's about balancing responsibilities with fun. About balancing rest with work. Balancing who I am as a mother with who I am as an individual outside of that role. Trying to find balance in the amount of money coming in with what we spend every month. It's about balancing all kinds of things. On one side of the spectrum is over-commitment and the other there is under-commitment. When we give in to fear we often attempt too little in life and when we let our pride take over we attempt too much. When we attempt too much we stay busy and sometimes so busy that we bite off more than we can actually chew. It's an overwhelming pace. When we attempt too little we often regret the opportunities and moments we missed out on which can cause sorrow or guilt.

"To do too much is as dangerous as to do nothing at all. Both modes prevents us from savoring our moments. One causes me to rush right past the best of life without recognizing or basking in it, and the other finds me sitting quietly while life rushes past me."  

Patsy Clairmont

In my life I often let fear into my heart and head and it often takes a front seat with full reign over my life. There is fear of rejection. Fear of germs. Fear of injury. Fear of failure. Fear of the unknown. Fear of judgment. And when we let our fear take over we lose. We lose the ability to try or to even just put ourselves out there. We take away our own potential happiness. Because of those fears we often don't even attempt the things we want for ourselves. And the same goes for those of us who err in the other direction. When we fail to listen to the messages God is sending for us we may be missing out on the balance we need. And we miss out on living our best, most rewarding life.

It's easy to get comfortable and complacent in our daily lives. The uncomfortable is more difficult, more complicated, and often requires personal growth - which is often accompanied with growing pains. Who wants to willingly welcome pain? Who wants to let the messiness of being our most authentic selves in?

What sounds better - an easy day or a difficult day? Kind of a no-brainer. Easy wins just about every time!

Now think about your most rewarding days... were they easy days or difficult days? Did that super important day require work to get you where you ended up? Were all the "growing pains" worth it? Absolutely.

When we include God in our everyday journey - through prayer/reflection - and when we trust in Him we have a better understanding of what contentment and balance looks like in our own life.

Lord, let your priorities be my priorities.

Baby 3.0: 31 Weeks

{L to R} 31 weeks along with Presley, 31 weeks with Molly, and 31 weeks with Crosby

I am feeling: Everything. I've been pretty sore lately but I do remember feeling like this during my second pregnancy. I've been feeling pretty darn tired lately, too. But both of those things are pretty easy to deal with and I'm overall still feeling really great. More than anything I'm very ready to meet our first little man and see what on earth a little Duggan boy looks like!!!

Movement: This little guy is crazy, especially in the evening. I love when he kicks behind my bellybutton... my skin feels so thin there that it's the closest thing to direct contact with Crosby. I think I will miss that neat sensation a bit. Otherwise his kicks can go on and on some nights and he takes up so much space these days that he will kick on all sides of my tummy at the same time!

Baby's size: He's about the size of a head of romaine lettuce or to be more exact around 17.5 inches tall and 3.5 lbs!

Best moment of the week: I'd have to say bowling was a highlight and so was going out and shopping with my mother-in-law today! It's so nice to have some uninterrupted adult time. I also had a really fun time with Tony & the girls at the Memphis Zoo members night this weekend!

Current Craving: Tacos with verde salsa (mmmm...) and gyros! Our favorite place to get gyros has been Kabob International since we moved back to Memphis but they were (very sadly) closed this afternoon when my mother-in-law and I were out and about and hungry. I'd heard nothing but good things about the brand new place just down the street - Cedars Restaurant - so we decided to give it a shot. Super glad we did because the food was absolutely delicious. I can't wait to go back again!

What I'm excited about: Going to the doctor this week! It'll just be my second appointment with Dr. Podraza after switching back to his practice so it'll be nice to get some of my questions answered. I'm also really excited to tour two hospitals this week to see which seems to be the better fit for us. There's also a baby expo at one of the other birthing hospitals in town this upcoming weekend that I hope to go to!

As much as I'm looking forward to Crosby getting here - and there is no slowing this moving train down! - I still am dealing with the occasion irrational feelings of fear... mostly of the unknown. What are we getting ready to step into? What will life look for us with two kids and a newborn? How will the decisions Tony and I have made affect Molly and Presley? I worried about this a great deal during my last pregnancy and it was totally all for nothing. Seeing the love Presley had right off the bat for Molly made every struggle big or small completely worth it. Their love still reassures me every day! Even still, the doubt and fear and worry occasionally lingers.

I also happened upon a book of 50 scriptures and prayers for our baby boy that was gifted to us a few weeks ago and one of the first readings was from Isaiah 41:10 - "So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you." And that was comforting to read and to feel. I know in my heart there is no reason to be anything but happy - and I hope it doesn't ever come across that we aren't excited for Crosby because he is very much wanted. But just like any major life change that comes along there is always a bit of trepidation as well.

We've got nine weeks (or less!) to go and I am ready to keep moving forward... I'm ready for this particular waiting period to speed on by but I am trying to enjoy it as much as possible while we're here.

Honeymoon: Getting Started

I've said it before, but I wish there was a way to chronicle every part of my honeymoon in order to not forget any of the details. It's been over 5 years now and there are so many things - big and small - that have already escaped my memory.

One of the things I don't quite remember is choosing our honeymoon destination.  I do know (thanks blog!) that it was back in February 2011 that we decided on Disney!  I mentioned going going to WDW for our honeymoon in the beginning of our wedding planning and when Tony didn't have a strong response either way, I dropped it.  We threw around all kinds of ideas -- all inclusive resorts out of the country, going on a cruise, road-tripping across the country, going to Hawaii -- but none of it really stuck.  So, three months before our wedding when we still didn't have anything planned, we revisited the topic and it was Tony who threw out Disney.  We talked about it and I wanted to make sure that was something he actually wanted to do and to my surprise, it really was!  Various people tried to push their opinions on us -

"No, you don't want to do Disney for your honeymoon! Save that for a family vacation once you have kids!"

"Do you really want to go on a honeymoon where kids are running around?"

Everyone has their opinion and their intentions might even be in the right place, but when it comes to your life you need to take those suggestions with a grain of salt and go where you and your spouse want to go.

That applies so much to that specific time life - making plans for your wedding/honeymoon during your engagement, the way you start your new life together as newlyweds, if/when you bring kids into your lives, etc. - people are normally well intentioned but in the end, it is YOUR life and you are in the driver seat. It's important to have a village and to have people who have been there to give you insight... because life is hard! It's especially hard if you try to do it on your own. But let me tell you I can't stress enough how important it is to figure out your life together as newlyweds together.

For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh. {Genesis 2:24}

So as far as a honeymoon goes, the first step is choosing where you want to go. If you're both fairly indecisive people like we were, it might take a while to make up your mind. But definitely try to pick something that both of you will enjoy. I know not all of us like the same things when it comes to taking a vacation - some people like the focus to be on relaxation while others crave adventure - but there is something out there for every couple and every budget!

More about our actual trip next time I get around to writing another honeymoon post! When it comes to planning a Disney trip there is SO much to share.

God's Promises.

Today's point of praise: "This is my comfort in my affliction, that your word has revived me." (Psalm 119:50) Day #9

Let's talk about marriage for a second. How many times have been distraught in a tough situation until our spouse offered us their words of comfort and encouragement? Where would we be without mutual communication in our marriages? It would really suck.

This is what I thought about today after reading my devotional: communication. We are able to communicate with God through prayer and he is able to indirectly communicate back to us through his promises in the Bible. If we aren't praying or reading the bible then our communication with God is hurting, as I'm sure we've all experienced at some point. And when we read the bible, we read it through our own individual lens - our experiences give the words personal meaning and weight. And who gives us those experiences? God - through his plan for us. I think that is awesome.

My sister, Amanda, and I always talk about how hard mornings are in our houses full of little ones. It seems like no matter what time I wake up in the morning, there hasn't been enough sleep. Amanda and I both wait until the kids are awake in the morning to get up and out of bed ... which is probably a big mistake. We've both talked about how we probably should start to get up a bit before they do in order to have actually warm coffee and time to ourselves for reflection. It sounds like such a great idea until just after putting the kids to bed. I bask in the kid-free evenings and often stay up late watching Grey's Anatomy reruns on Netflix. (I'm a night owl.) If you watch the Bachelor on ABC, you might remember the best bachelor ever - Shawn - and his adorable family, which includes his sister, Shay. I love her blog! She wrote on this topic once and her early morning routine has always sounded so peaceful to me. (Here is an example of why I love the idea of her morning routine.) I'd love to wake up and start the day with coffee and some motivation and blessed encouragement. The mornings that I do start the day thanking God - regardless of what time I get up - really does set my mind in a more positive direction.

To go back to talking about marriage again, it always makes my morning SO MUCH better when I wake up to a good morning text from Tony - and the best when I get to wake up and have a conversation with him. It'd be a nice feeling to do the same (but not exactly) with Christ - to wake up and reflect on his word.

"We have ample evidence that the Lord is able to guide. The promises cover every imaginable situation. All we need to do is to take the hand he stretches out." Elizabeth Elliot

Just Ask.

Today's Point of Praise: "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened..." (Matthew 7:7-8) Day #8


This verse will always, always be one of my favorite verses in the bible.  Several years ago (just realized it was 6+ years ago...) I was writing a talk for TEC on the topic of Peace.  I was spending time in prayer reading my bible to make sure I was not only speaking what was on my heart but also incorporating God's word into it as much as possible.  I was writing about how public speaking was NOT a strength of mine and how this talk was in front of the largest crowd I'd ever spoken in front of... when approached to do the talk I had only a few days notice.  My first reaction was to completely reject the idea.  Something felt right about giving a talk on this topic at that point in my life and instead of running I just remembering asking God for guidance and courage.  And I seriously felt peace instead of terror throughout the writing process and oddly enough, while giving the talk itself I felt an insane, amazing amount of peace.  I remember flipping through my bible looking for the "ask and you shall receive" verse - having NO idea which part of the bible it was in.  I joking said out loud, "Okay God... I'm asking for the bible verse..." and less than a minute later it was staring back at me from my bible.  No help from Google.  I was seriously stunned and I know that's not the way prayer works but it was literally crazy how that moment unfolded.

When I think back to where I was in my faith life six years ago, I can't help but be super envious of my former self. I put in the work back then and I really reaped the benefits.  Now?  I can't remember the last time I felt close to God.  I pray from time to time, but I have been so confused as to how I feel and where I stand when it comes to organized religion.  There are so many things about the Catholic faith that I absolutely love and revere... and others -- like social issues -- that I fear I differ TOO much from the Church.  How could I be a part of the Church and feel so incredibly different than what is preached?  How do I know what makes me a Catholic and at what point do I stop fitting the mold?  When do I start looking for a religion that does fit my social views into my faith?

This is where I currently am and it's hard to know how to proceed.  The things I do know is this -- I very much yearn to be part of a church community again.  I've always wanted my kids to grow up going to church and that hasn't changed.  I still believe in the same God, in Jesus Christ, and I feel very aligned with the majority of what the Catholic Church teaches.

So, what I take away from today:

"When will we realize that we're not troubling God with our questions and concerns? His heart is open to hear us -- his touch nearer than our next thought -- as if no one in the world existed but us. Our very personal God wants to hear from us personally." Gigi Garham Tchividjan 

I'm not going to get where I want to be without including Christ. I know this. But now I have to do something about it.

Praising God for His Peace.

Today's point of praise: "But now in Christ Jesus you who formerly were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ. For He Himself is our peace, who made both groups into one and broke down the barrier of the dividing wall."  (Ephesians 2: 13-14) Day #5

Exactly three years ago today I started a daily devotional titled "100 Days of Praise for Women" and intended on blogging throughout.  Well, unfortunately, I didn't stick with it.  So I'm back to pick up where I left off and the topic at hand couldn't be more perfect to hear at this moment.

It's hard to feel peace in the midst of any chaos - especially when there is chaos inside yourself or in your personal life.  What do I mean by that?  Well, when the people we love hurt us (intentionally or unintentionally) it can be some of the worst pain imaginable.  So much so that you can get so wrapped up in the chaos that it just feels like the world is crashing down on you.  In those times you usually don't stop to seek peace.  Usually when your hurting you do what feels good - venting, lashing out your anger/frustration/hurts, etc.  And I can say I am guilty as charged!

We - ourselves - are not perfect people yet for some odd reason we often expect exactly that of others.  When they fail, we can take that personally, especially if it affects us.  It's hard to step back from a situation in which you feel no peace at all and accept the shortcomings of the people we love for what they are: mistakes, weakness, flaws, etc.  In that situation it can be easy to chastise.  But ultimately, God calls us to forgive and to remember the goodness in each other.  To find peace within ourselves (through Him) and to share it with everyone.

Corrie ten Boom said - "In the center of a hurricane there is absolute quiet and peace.  There is no safer place than in the center of the will of God."

So. Absolutely. True.

Sometimes certain things will fall apart so that different things can fall into place.  It's not apparent why this has to happen this way, it just does.  And I am finding this to be true in my life at the moment.  Usually what falls apart is YOUR plans so that GOD'S plans for your life can come together.

I'm at a turning point in my life.  I am no longer a child nor do I find any happiness behaving like one or associating myself with those who prove time and time again that immaturity does not go away with age or becoming a parent or settling down and getting married.  I just want more for my life and better for my family and I don't want outside influences to negatively affect my life.

For the type of people who find joy in anyone else's pain - please take this moment to fully remove yourself from my life.  I can promise you whether or not you remove yourself, there isn't a place for someone like you anymore.


It might sound like I am not in a place of peace currently, and you may be right.  But I assure you, I am taking steps to get there for myself, for my marriage, and for my family.  I am not perfect and I know things like resentment and anger will continue in my life but I would much rather like to live in the light than the dark.  I've been putting off making these changes in my life and I just can't do that any longer.  I want to be someone who focuses on the good - who is an encourager rather than a critic.  And I really don't want to fill my team with people who drag me or the people I love most down because it defeats the purpose of having a team.

"Peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work.  Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart."  Catherine Marshall

So yeah. I'm working on that. 

Currently x17 & positive affirmations {link ups}

So, today is somewhat of a link up dump!  I love both of these link ups & the hosts, so check them out. 
Currently: Harvesting Kale & Write Yourself Happy (Positive Affirmations): Smile & Write
First up, this week's prompts are {clearing, digging, mixing, reading, watching}

CURRENTLY:

CLEARING:  Our bank account.  Man.  It seems like all I'm doing lately is spending money on groceries or something we need for the house.  Tony even talked me into a $60 leaf blower!  And he was very convincing!!!  (And on his behalf, it is something that we needed.  But still!)  This was on top of the new mower.  And a $45 extension cord.  And new curtains and a rod.  And a million other things.  I will be excited when it all settles down and starts to pay off.  We will also need shoe molding for the entire house (ughhhhh.... stupid project), a few area rugs (I'm thinking eventually for the living room, dining area, & bedroom), to install a new disposal (which was "working" before we moved in & cleared the inspection.... somehow...), a weed eater... and that is just the short list.  It's all very exciting but I am going to feel much better when we are spending less!

DIGGING:  The fact that it is almost Thursday already.  The Scandal finale is tomorrow and I can hardly wait!  I'm several episodes behind with Grey's Anatomy... as usual, but thankfully we have a few more weeks before that season finale.  I'm also SUPER behind on Parenthood & How I Met Your Mother... which YES... means I have NOT seen the finale yet and NO I would not like any spoilers!  The speakers for our computer went out so I just need to catch up on my phone.  Eventually.

MIXING:  I am feeling EXTREMELY mixed on whether or not to transition Presley to a toddler bed before Molly comes.  So many pros/cons and informed opinions.  Ultimately, the decision is ours because every kid is different from the next and as her parents, we know her best.  The thing that is completely throwing me off is the fact that she is STILL UP as I type - an hour after she laid down in her crib!  It is SO DISHEARTENING going from a serious sleeper to someone who plays at bedtime now for so long.  Will this get better in a toddler bed, stay the same, or get worse?  I guess I'm just worried that she isn't ready for it.  I'm worried that she will backslide once Molly is here.  And I'm worried it will affect all of our sleep!  Tony's response?  "Well we can't keep her in a crib forever."  -_-  I wonder if switching to a video monitor for Presley would take some of that anxiety away.

READING:  I just got involved in giving myself a reading challenge with the Goodreads website/app.  I think once I have Molly I am going to regret setting such an ambitious challenge for myself - which is 24 books this year.  Especially considering I started the challenge in April.  Usually, this wouldn't be so bad, but with a newborn?  I am thinking it's just not gonna happen (I'm already 6 books behind schedule...) but we'll see.  Reading any amount of books is better than none at all.  I started the challenge re-reading the Hunger Games and I am still stuck there.  I have not been able to keep my eyes open at night to read!  The book, however, is just as awesome as I remember.

WATCHING:  We've been watching "Ultimate Car Build-off" on Netflix the past few nights (you can guess who chose this) and it is a really good show.  Cars and sports are two of Tony's favorite pastimes and hobbies and thank the good Lord that I've honestly come to love them both as well.  Of course, not as fervently as he does, but I do really enjoy them nonetheless.  Anyways, they have to do these crazy challenges on the show and these shop guys are pretty spectacular with what they can pull off with random vehicles in 40 hours!

Five affirmations for my life:

• A ship in port is safe but that's not what ships are built for.  Grace Murray Hopper
• You is kind.  You is smart.  You is important.  Aibileen Clark
• I am thankful for today.
• Never apologize for being sensitive or emotional.  It's a sign that you have a big heart, and that you aren't afraid to let others see it.  Showing your emotions is a sign of strength."  Brigitte Nicole
• Therefore, what God has joined together, let not man separate.  Matthew 19:6

I plan to incorporate a couple of these the more I begin decorating - the first two are absolutely going up somewhere in this home.  The first one on the list is very special to me and became ingrained in my heart during a TEC weekend a few years ago.  The second definitely speaks to my heart and is from the movie/book The Help at one of the most moving points of the story for me.  The last affirmation on the list is something that has always given me comfort in the struggles that come in our marriage.  The third and fourth on the list are such needed reminders for me - to just stop and be THANKFUL for today and to also stop apologizing when expressing genuine emotions... especially the ones that might make myself/others feel a little uncomfortable at first (such as crying).

I'd love to know what you guys have currently been up to and/or the five affirmations that resound for you.  You can link up through the bloggers listed above!  Thanks to both hosts for bringing bloggers together and giving us the chance to express ourselves further.

Marriage Monday: Sharing Spirituality

I look around the pews in our beautiful church and I see fervent prayers.  I see women who appear to be very put together.  I watch some children who can sit still through the entire mass and not make a peep!

So I start to compare.  My clothes certainly aren't fancy.

I get intimidated.  Does Father realize I missed mass last week?  ...and the week before?

I feel self-conscious.  Oh man, why is Presley being so squirmy and loud today?

I know I'm imperfect.

I think to myself how I am constantly getting consumed in getting through each day and forget to talk to God... I don't remember how important it is to hand Him my anxiety on a daily basis.  Why is it so difficult to maintain a relationship with God?  And if I can't do that, what am I doing here in mass?  And sometimes in mass, I feel that surely there are people who can see my weakness and my struggles as a facade.  Can they tell I am nowhere near my ideal relationship with Christ?

You might know me, you might know my husband, you might be familiar with our marriage, but I realize you may not be familiar with our spiritual life, so let me explain.
I have a fantastic husband who was baptized during the Easter vigil three years ago {at the time he was my fiance}.  It was one of the most beautiful masses that I have ever attended.
And he's married to a lifetime Catholic lady who was baptized around Christmastime in 1987 {that's me}.

We're members of Christ the King Catholic Church in Moline, Illinois and cannot say enough wonderful things about our church family, the beautiful church, and most of all - our beloved priest, Father Levitt.  Father Levitt baptized Tony in 2010, married us in 2011, and then baptized Presley in 2012 and we feel very accepted and loved by him.

L: Husband & Wife - May 2011 and R: Presley's baptism - May 2012

We are Saturday evening church-goers rather than Sunday because mornings are not our thing.  I've found it's much easier to talk ourselves out of attending mass in the morning rather than the late afternoon!  We also relish our Sundays as a day for just us. 

I grew up in a house where we attended mass on a semi-regular schedule.  Sometimes we were good about going every week, other times our busy family of 5 opted to sleep in on Sunday mornings (see where I got it?).  At certain points in high school, youth group was an absolute lifeline and such a joy in my life.  Further into high school programs like QUEST, SEARCH and TEC lit a fire inside of me for Christ that I never thought would flicker out.  But over time, it did.  Never completely out, but down to just embers at times.

Tony's family never really attended church growing up.  Yet, I honestly couldn't have married a more Christian-spirited man.  He is kind and forgiving and honest and faithful to all those who walk into his life as well as perfect strangers.  This spirit is something his parents instilled in him growing up - though God wasn't a topic of discussion, they taught him respect and equipped him with unbreakable morals and for that, I am most grateful.  I know God watched over Tony and helped to protect him until we found one another.  Even still, it's the faith part that is a little more difficult for my husband to decipher.  He is a science and fact lover, so the believing is difficult for him. (Though, I have never seen science and religion as being at odds with each other.  One exists BECAUSE of the other.)  In all honesty, it's hard for many Christians and it can be just as hard for me at times.  Though, I like to think of him as my "Doubting Thomas."  (Which is funny considering my husband's middle name is Thomas.)  Because if my husband were an apostle, that would absolutely be him.

Naively, I thought once we went through the RCIA {the Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults} process that we would instantly be a changed couple that would be praying together often, attending bible studies and mass together.  But we weren't.  Then I thought surely being married in the church would have that affect on us.  But it didn't.  So what about once we had a child?  Nope, none of that has happened for us.  It's been a slow process for us to grow in faith as a couple.  Some days I feel that it will come with time and patience, that my husband will feel a stronger understanding of what this faith means to him... that I will become more motivated to get the ball rolling between us... and then there are other times that I'm just frustrated.  But recently I realized that before I worry about our mutual relationship with Christ that I need to mend all the holes in my relationship alone with Christ.  As it becomes a major staple in my daily life, it will spread into our home, marriage, and family life.


And you know what I am finally beginning to accept?  Being Christian doesn't mean you are perfect - it doesn't mean you will always say or do the right things - but it means you are trying.  You are doing.  You are moving forward.  Being Christian is all about the growth and the traveling and the getting there.  Really, it's about the journey of how we get there!

When I think of my faith in those terms, I know that I am really only beginning on the path towards where I want to be.  As Tony and I learn what it means to live in a marriage full of faith and love for each other and the Lord, we will move towards the Ecclesiastes 4:12 kind of marriage - And if one can overpower him who is alone, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not quickly torn apart.  I want nothing more than to meet my husband in heaven one day and I am willing to do whatever it takes to get us there!

While we're trying to figure out what being part of a spiritual marriage means to us, I'd love to hear what it means to you.  What has lined the path of spiritual growth for you and your spouse? 

Praising through humility.

Today's point of praise: "By this we know that we love the children of God, when we love God and observe his commandments." (1 John 5:2)  Day #4

Lord, create in me a servant's heart.

This topic is so important for me to visit these days.  It's not only important to do what's right and to help your friends, families, neighbors, and strangers, but it's just as important to do so with a humble heart.  We build this up to where we think in order to be a good person we have to be a superhero and practically move mountains, so we say in our heads that we'll start doing work for God "tomorrow" and then tomorrow never comes.  But really, encouraging a friend, having a caring listening ear, holding the door for someone, not having road rage when someone cuts you off, loving your family, and seemingly "small" things typically have a lasting impact.  The impact is not only on the person you are serving, but most often yourself.  However, in order to have a lasting impact on yourself, it's important for Christians to remember to give God the glory rather than ourselves.


There really is no cure for that awful mood/funk most of us are in at the beginning of the week - also known as "the Mondays."  And sometimes, really, we just wake up in a bad mood on any given day and it is what it is!  But if you do something positive for someone else it often lifts your own mood and leaves you feeling good about yourself.  So maybe being a humble servant isn't the cure for "the Mondays" ...but it could be the cure for any other day.

There is a phrase that has stuck in my head -- Either you can lift yourself up here on earth and be humbled in heaven, or vice versa.  When you wake up in the morning, choose vice versa.

Day #3: Christ's Love
Day #2: Abundance
Day #1: Everyday Life

One year.

How is it that it already feels like a lifetime ago since we found out that we were expecting?  In reality, it's been one full year.  A year ago today I took a test and from the second I left the bathroom that night, I swear life has not slowed down since.

It's been a whole year of knowing that our life would be dramatically different.
A year full of shock and surprises.
365 days of disbelief that this is going to be our life... for the rest of our life!
52 weeks of having Presley in our life.  (But at that time she was an "it"!)
More days of carrying her inside of me than having her here on the outside.
So many feelings and emotions.  So many memories and pictures.
So many days passed where she is all I could think or speak about.

Going from this...

 

To this...

And finally, to this....

It's hard to believe that exactly one year ago, Presley was nothing more than the results of a pee test.  And here she is today...

We are so thankful and very much in awe of God's plan for our family.

Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above...
                      James 1:17

The Parent I Want to Be.

Have you ever felt so empowered by the positivity passed on from someone else that you could cry?  Okay, maybe this is coming from a place filled with pregnancy hormones... but really, have you ever felt like that, pregnancy or no pregnancy?  You guessed it, I totally feel like that right now.  Every week I go to prenatal and parenting classes at a local place called "Pregnancy Resources."  They offer pregnant women a chance to learn more about what they embarking on as well as giving free diapers for the classes you attend with chances to earn things like a free crib, car seat, as well as free maternity and baby clothes.  At the class today we discussed ways to be an affirming, attentive, and connected parent as mapped out in the Parrott's book "The Parent You Want to Be" and it filled me full of great ideas.  And for the first time in a LONG time, I am starting to feel at peace with becoming a parent;  knowledge really is power.  I'm starting to feel like I am one of those people who really was made for this, not just something I am accidentally stumbling into because I am biologically able to have children.  Instead, I am feeling capable of loving a little person and making them feel like they belong to someone in this world.  Ahh, I love it.

So, more about feeling empowered....

Tonight in class the instructor asked everyone some of their fears in parenting, specifically, what are you afraid will influence your child in a negative way?  People said things like the media, peers, etc. and for one reason or another illness popped into my head.  Like many first time parents, I am terrified at the possibilities of mental and physical ailments burdening my baby, especially illnesses that run in the family (mood disorders, diabetes, etc).  Not to mention, I am also afraid of the possibility of other mental and physical illnesses that would deeply change our lives.  I'm thankful our instructor addressed each and every fear addressed because her observation is the reason I feel so at peace tonight.  She suggested that instead of asking God for a perfect, healthy child, we should instead be asking for the capability to love our child, no matter what may come.  And in that instant, the part of my brain filled with those worries released them and turned into a place of understanding and love.  In addition, my prayers are going to change drastically as well.  Like I said, this has already brought me so much peace.  I realized that asking God for what I want to be done is really doing me injustice... I've been asking God for a healthy child to love -- as if I couldn't or wouldn't be able to love one who isn't.  (Of course, that is not what I feel inside or what I was asking for, but essentially that is where my fears obviously lie.) 

And afterall, isn't that what we promise to do for our spouses when we say our vows when we dedicate that we will love them no matter what may come...

"I take you for my lawful wife/husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and health, until death do us part."  

Why should that be any shock or any different for someone else we are bringing into this world?  It shouldn't be and really, it isn't shocking -- it just surprises me that I was looking at these things from a different angle than what I am seeing now.  It is a great feeling.

Anyways, if you think you'd be even the least bit interested, you should give that book I linked above a look or two.  It is full of practical ways to be an affirming, attentive, connected, patient, authentic, insightful parent everyday and is written by a pair of married doctors with two little boys of their own.  It doesn't just follow their philosophies, but the philosophies of many parents they talked to and surveyed.  I will definitely be ordering myself a copy after tonight's wonderful class!



Peacefully,

God, I ask you to give us the ability to be loving parents to whomever we are greeted with in February.  This child has already been such a blessing to each of us personally, to our marriage and our extended families as well.  I ask that You continue to soothe my worries with the peace You've given me today;  there is a definite amount of peace in switching from my will filled with selfish ways to Your will that is full of selflessness and humility.  I pray I never forget that I am called to be Your servant in every way.   
Thank you for today.

"But from there you will seek the LORD your God, and you will find Him if you search for Him with all your heart and all your soul."

                               Deuteronomy 4:29

Praising Christ's Love...

Today's point of praise:  "For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created thing, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord."  (Romans 8: 38-39)  Day #3

Sometimes that doesn't necessarily feel true for me.  There are so many times when I don't feel close to Christ and I know it isn't because he has moved away from me - but the other way around.  It's difficult to live a Christ-centered life when the biggest influences in my current life aren't focused on him and don't lead me closer to Him.  Again, not His fault, but mine.  I realize that the point of praise here is that no matter how far I stray or how weak my relationship with God is, He's gonna love me and be there for me anyways.  Instead of just blaming myself and feeling guilty over my lack of daily dedication to Christ, I've decided to come up with a list of ways to strengthen that relationship.  The list may seem like I move in a round-a-bout way... but hopefully that is good enough to lead me in the direction I'd like to head...

1. Start eating dinner at the dinner table.  Seems pretty silly, but for those of you who know Tony & I, we are the type of people who have a million movies and a bunch of favorite TV shows.  We also have a very nice set of TV trays from Granny that get TOO much use these days.  As a result, I honestly don't remember the last time we ate a meal at the dinner table together.  (I honestly think it was at least an entire year ago at a date night in at our old apartment.)  Once we start eating at the dinner table together, the goal is to start praying before meals together.  Also, for some reason, I just think the more structure we get in our home life, the better, and for some reason I think it'll make things better around here.  (Just bought some fancy new chair covers that will hopefully motivate us to use our table & chairs!  Something happened to the upholstery on these old chairs and they're very sticky, so we either had to get covers or new chairs.  I'll take before and after pictures once they come in!!!)
2. Make weekly mass a priority.  We've started to get better about this, but I don't feel like it's as much of a priority as I'd like it to be.  We're very much Saturday afternoon mass-goers or else we don't make it to mass for the weekend and that is one thing that needs to change.  I'd still like to shoot for Saturday mass because we do enjoy it so much - but if for some reason we don't make it I need to keep an open mind and make it to church Sunday.  There are so many churches in the area that offer a wide variety of mass times so there is really not much of an excuse in that department.
3. Find a way to take part at church.  This really scares me because I don't really like making commitments all the time - the really make me feel claustrophobic.  Not to mention, most of the ways to help out at church involve getting up in front of people which paralyzes me in fear!!!  I'm not sure where our church needs involvement and in what ways I can help but I've been wanting to take part somehow and now is a good time to change that.  I would love to find a way for Tony and I to both get involved together, as well.
4. Speaking of getting involved in a Christ-centered relationship as a couple, I'd like to start reading a couples devotional with Tony, as well.  Since we don't wake up together, I figure it's something we can take turns reading at night and talk about how we can apply it to our lives the next day?  Another way of getting the ball rolling between Tony and I is by going over the order of the mass with him and helping him learn the prayers that we say every week.  He reads them out of the book at mass when we go, but there's just something about praying from your memory that ignites your heart and head into it as well (or at least it is that way for me).

And that's the ideas I have for now.   I don't want to limit myself to this list, however, so I'm open and looking for any and all suggestions.  Any ideas out there you'd care to share with me?  Like I said before, my relationship with Christ is something I need to start taking ownership of myself and it's not a fad or a phase I'm looking forward to "going through" - it's a change of lifestyle that I'm looking to maintain forever.  I think a lot about bringing someone new into our family and into this world and God is something that I want to be present for my baby.  I want to give her the opportunities I had growing up and I want to go to church as a family as well as educate her along the way so that when she gets old enough, she can make an educated decision on whether or not Catholicism is for her.  I already think about getting her baptized and what that will mean for Tony and I as well as for our little girl and I can't help but get giddy about envisioning the moment with family and friends around. 

I still remember what it was like when I got to witness Tony getting baptized.  It was such a wonderful experience & a beautiful mass; it brought tears to my eyes and really caused me to think about the implications of his decision and made me so proud of him.  It was equally wonderful to be his sponsor through it all and sit with him along his entire journey.  If we could do R.C.I.A. (aka, the Right of Christian Initiation of Adults) all over again, I would love that.  I learned so much and I feel like meeting weekly and focusing on Christ in discussion with others every week not only strengthened my faith but Tony & I's relationship as well.  I really am so lucky to have gone through that with him.

Anyways, I am totally babbling and have so many things I need to get accomplished rather than reflecting on all these wonderful things.  Thanks for reading (if you made it this far!) and I'd love to hear your ideas on how to live a more Christ-centered life, bloggies.

There is no pit so deep that God's love is not deeper still.  

       Corrie ten Boom

Praising abundance...

Today's point of praise:  "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy;  I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly."  (John 10:10)  Day #2

When I read this I really had to think hard about what that verse meant to me and for me.  I know I've felt so abundantly blessed recently - but I am especially feeling that so much today.  As most of you already know, I work with kids everyday in a daycare-type setting.  I work at the YMCA in the Kids Gym, so I get to hang out with kiddos while their parents work out... pretty much a fabulous opportunity to get to know some amazing kids and their fabulous parents.  I have been abundantly blessed by these people;  my life very much enriched by knowing them.  Today was just another great day because a family that I feel particularly close to came in after not seeing them for a while and it put me in the best mood.  On top of it, their mom brought me the winter jacket she wore when she was pregnant in the winter time.  It's beautiful and warm and big enough and is in such good condition.  That means one less thing for me to worry about purchasing before the weather starts changing.  And it means a lot to me that she thought of me for something so wonderful! 

In addition to that, a friend of a friend contacted me a little while ago and asked if I could use a pack & play as well as a high chair - both in great condition and practically brand new!  I was over the moon that she was so thoughtful and even thought of me and of course I said I'd love them!  It just so happens that I picked those items up today in addition to some other baby items.  I'm always worried about having enough money, enough room, enough support, etc. to bring a baby into this world and it seems that God and the kindness of others are slowly putting my worries up on a shelf!  I've also been learning that it's no accident that a baby has come into our lives at this time;  time and time again God's totally causing me to step back and realize that it's all gonna work out even if it's not perfect and that it's OKAY if things aren't perfect!  I just stopped today mid-afternoon and thought, "Dang... I am so blessed."  So to be asked to praise God for his abundance seems like it's no coincidence.  (I'll post pictures of my new stuff soon!)

In other news, I went to Target to look at their maternity clothes the other night (um... expensive!) and after I decided that I was not getting anything, I wandered over to the food department to get some late snacks.  I'd been hearing from a friend who's been trying to watch what she eats that pickles were a good snack to have and as a result I've really been wanting some pickles!  So I picked up a jar of those and walked past the ice cream section.  Without immediately realizing the "pickles and ice cream" pregnancy cliche, I picked out some cookie dough ice cream and headed to check out.  On the way up front I thought how funny it must look for me to be carrying these two things together.  I ended up bumping into a friend in the check out lane and she was like, "Really? Pickles and ice cream?!"  :)  Hilarious!  I love having an excuse to eat ridiculous things!  I promise, I did not eat them in the same bowl... but I did eat them right after the other and it was delicious.

Other than those few things, it's been business as usual in the Duggan household.  Everybody keeps telling me my belly is getting bigger and that is for sure!  It seems like overnight my stomach has really started popping out.  I took a picture at twenty weeks but I can't find the camera cord... so here is a picture from the other night before we headed out to dinner ...

20 weeks & 3 days!

Hopefully I'll get a better picture Friday and potentially have more interesting things to write about!  Until then, have a great week, bloggies! :)

Praising everyday life...

Today's point of praise: Is any among you suffering? Let him pray. Is any cheerful? Let him sing praise. (James 5:13) Day #1

I'm starting to actively participate in a devotional for women that focuses on giving glory and praise to God.  So often I come to the Lord in times of need or out of selfishness and not often enough do I pray humbly in thanksgiving to all that God has given me.  I often think of the quote that goes something like this - what would you have tomorrow if you only received the things you thanked God for the day before?  When I read that and reflect on my prayers the day before, I mostly feel ashamed because 9 times out of 10 I didn't pray at all the day before.

So, today, I find myself especially thankful for the power of words.  I am thankful for the joy that others bring me on a daily basis; especially my sisters, friends, and the rest of my family.  I am thankful that my will and God's will are different and His will always brings me to where I grow the most.  I am very thankful for the clean water I drink every day and my pantry stocked full of food to eat; we never have to worry about going a day without either.  I'm thankful for the beautiful weather as well as my good health - both allowing me to get outside this afternoon and enjoy the day.  And lastly, I am thankful for new opportunities.

And now, onto daily life...

• About a week or so ago I ordered a pregnancy pillow from Amazon.com after I decided to trade-in and sell old textbooks that were just taking up space.  After making a decent amount of change, I decided to reward myself with a gigantic pregnancy pillow!  I was skeptical of how much I'd like it, but definitely wanted to try something as I haven't been sleeping that well up until now (it was either trying out a new pillow or trying out Unisom).  And after using it for the past few nights, I am happy to report that it was DEFINITELY a good buy!!! Once I am ready to lay down and sleep it doesn't take me long at all before I am comfortable enough to just slip away.  It was definitely expensive, but has been worth it.

Takes up a good portion of the bed!

• After being bummed out about our shy baby not wanting to expose whether or not we're dealing with a he or she, we are now faced with a tough decision.  So far, our three options are:  1: Choose to be surprised until he or she arrives... 2: Wait and see if another ultrasound is ordered by our OBGYN from now until then... or 3: Pay out of pocket to go to somewhere to find out!  Wait and see what we decide!  :)
• We're still getting settled in the new house.  Things are still in boxes - mostly because we are lazy, not because it's been too difficult to unpack - but most everything is out and in it's proper place.  My favorite thing about the house is the huge pantry/storage closet off of the hallway.  We're able to fit SO much in there and I absolutely love it.  It's taken a lot of stress out of the "Oh my word, where are we going to fit everything?" worries.

 Best room in the house :)

•   I've definitely been thinking about the time Tony & I spend together these days.  I wonder what it will be like once we bring someone else into our family and wonder in what ways it will effect our marriage.  Last night was a lot of fun - we decided to play Little Big Planet together for a while - which doesn't happen often.  It's such a goofy game that it's impossible not to laugh most of the time and it was a lot of fun to do that. :)  As a result of staying up and hanging out with me, though, he's so tired in the afternoon after he gets off work.

 Sleepy Tony :)

Enough rambling!  I'm praying for good, awesome, big, surprising things to happen for everybody tomorrow because Fridays should always be awesome and exceed expectations! :)  Later, bloggies...