Just Ask.

Today's Point of Praise: "Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened..." (Matthew 7:7-8) Day #8

This verse will always, always be one of my favorite verses in the bible.  Several years ago (just realized it was 6+ years ago...) I was writing a talk for TEC on the topic of Peace.  I was spending time in prayer reading my bible to make sure I was not only speaking what was on my heart but also incorporating God's word into it as much as possible.  I was writing about how public speaking was NOT a strength of mine and how this talk was in front of the largest crowd I'd ever spoken in front of... when approached to do the talk I had only a few days notice.  My first reaction was to completely reject the idea.  Something felt right about giving a talk on this topic at that point in my life and instead of running I just remembering asking God for guidance and courage.  And I seriously felt peace instead of terror throughout the writing process and oddly enough, while giving the talk itself I felt an insane, amazing amount of peace.  I remember flipping through my bible looking for the "ask and you shall receive" verse - having NO idea which part of the bible it was in.  I joking said out loud, "Okay God... I'm asking for the bible verse..." and less than a minute later it was staring back at me from my bible.  No help from Google.  I was seriously stunned and I know that's not the way prayer works but it was literally crazy how that moment unfolded.

When I think back to where I was in my faith life six years ago, I can't help but be super envious of my former self. I put in the work back then and I really reaped the benefits.  Now?  I can't remember the last time I felt close to God.  I pray from time to time, but I have been so confused as to how I feel and where I stand when it comes to organized religion.  There are so many things about the Catholic faith that I absolutely love and revere... and others -- like social issues -- that I fear I differ TOO much from the Church.  How could I be a part of the Church and feel so incredibly different than what is preached?  How do I know what makes me a Catholic and at what point do I stop fitting the mold?  When do I start looking for a religion that does fit my social views into my faith?

This is where I currently am and it's hard to know how to proceed.  The things I do know is this -- I very much yearn to be part of a church community again.  I've always wanted my kids to grow up going to church and that hasn't changed.  I still believe in the same God, in Jesus Christ, and I feel very aligned with the majority of what the Catholic Church teaches.

So, what I take away from today:

"When will we realize that we're not troubling God with our questions and concerns? His heart is open to hear us -- his touch nearer than our next thought -- as if no one in the world existed but us. Our very personal God wants to hear from us personally." Gigi Garham Tchividjan 

I'm not going to get where I want to be without including Christ. I know this. But now I have to do something about it.


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