35 Week Pregnancy Reflection {baby two}

How far along?:  About 35 weeks along.  Roughly 5 weeks to go!
L: Me carrying Presley at 35 weeks
R: Me carrying Molly at 35 weeks

I am feeling:  Great. Tired. Guilty.

Let me expand on that last feeling.  I feel guilty for a few reasons here lately:  I haven't been feeling very social.  This isn't any new huge thing for me, but it has gotten even "worse" here in the last few weeks.  It's very common for me to not return texts or phone calls or really just failing to maintain the relationships I have unless it's easy.  (AKA, unless they live with me or I see them on a regular basis.)  It's just how it's been.  I really only feel slightly guilty for this.

The real reasons I feel guilty have a lot to do with me wanting this baby to come sooner than later AND that I have been squandering away my LAST alone times with my baby goose.  Not to mention, I feel guilty that I am about to change Presley's life so majorly.  And then I feel guilty that I am looking at Molly as such a catalyst rather than my baby.  I know it stems from the fear of the unknown - and that a catalyst isn't inherently a bad thing - but I hope there are people out there who can empathize with what I'm feeling.

It just hit me YESTERDAY that I have been focusing on my time alone with Presley lately as a "bad" thing - as in, "Ugh, I wish Tony were with us so he could help me with Presley... I'm so huge..." and everything just feels like it takes twice as long (getting her in and out of her car seat, putting on shoes, walking around the store, etc.) in the third trimester.  And then it hit me, HOLY SH*T.  I will be dealing with TWO car seats, TWO sets of shoes, walking with TWO babies around the store... etc.  It's not going to necessarily get easier once the pregnancy ends - it might get a little better - but it might also be a little harder, too!  And then it REALLY hit me:  Oh my goodness.  These are the last moments that it'll ever just be me and Presley out and about together.  I'll always have Presley for my first baby and we will always have special moments together - but it will probably not be like this ever again.  And I've been squandering it with a negative attitude.

I've also pretty much got my heart set on having a baby in June (rather than July 9th) and that makes me feel a bit guilty knowing how great it is to go the full 40 weeks.  I'm not sure why I want to have Molly early aside from just feeling uncomfortable and ready lately - but I really just feel like I'm gonna be having a baby super early.  And I'm hoping that happens!  And that makes me feel a bit guilty.

Size of baby:  Huge.  Approximately the size of a large cantaloupe and could be anywhere from 19-22 inches long and in between 5-6 pounds.

Movement:  Thank goodness I am feeling her move as often as I am so I don't have to worry about the lack of movement.  She is at capacity in there because her movements feel so bizarre... like she is literally about to break through my skin.  Still getting the hiccups at least once every day.  Still likes to move most when I am either about to fall asleep or just before I need to get up in the morning.

What I miss most:  My pre-kids body.  My stretch marks now have their own stretch marks.  And I don't only have the silvery ones anymore... I have some vicious looking red ones smack-dab in the middle of my belly to which Tony said, "Those look like they hurt."  But they don't.  They are just there.  My body seems to be in much worse shape this time than last time.  I am much less active, weigh more, and I'm a couple years older, too.  So lately, I've been missing the gym.  Mostly, the YMCA in Moline... that place is just so great.  It took moving away and visiting other YMCA locations to really realize how amazing that one is.  As I was saying though, I miss being a gym member in general and have just realized I am a gym person rather than a fitness DVD person or a "do it on my own" kinda person.  It'll be nice to belong to a gym again someday.

Cravings:  Cakes, pies, desserts in general, etc.  Thank you gestational diabetes for keeping me in check, though!  I was really craving potatoes in general - so when Tony requested my pepperjack meatloaf and mashed potatoes for his b-day dinner... I was super excited!  I would love to have a Krispy Kreme glazed doughnut... but I am really afraid I wouldn't be able to just stop at one so right now I will be having NONE!

Best moment of the week:  Celebrating Tony's birthday with some of our best friends.  It was just a relaxing, fun night and I'm glad everyone could make it.  And once again, I failed at taking any pictures throughout the evening.  (The picture below was taken by Damen - thanks Dame!)  Chris & Kristen, Peyton & Damen, and Tyler & Marsha came over for some dinner + cake and it was great to have them over.  Presley was up WAY past her bedtime plus she got her own piece of cake... she was in heaven!!!

Chris, Peyton, Tyler & Tony - three of his best friends!

What I'm excited about:  I'm excited for my next doctor's visit which is scheduled Friday the 13th!  That can only bring interesting things, in my opinion.  Doctor McAdory is gonna be checking my cervix (FINALLY!) and I am seriously beyond anxious for that.

And that's it for now!


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