Baby Crosby is HERE!

Phew. So it's been a whirlwind of a week! Last week I wrote about all my feelings after my doctor's appointment and I honestly felt like this baby was never coming on his own. I really was convinced that I would have to be induced at 42 weeks of gestation! So last Monday was no fun. I was determined to shake it off and have a better day on Tuesday and that happened. But I still felt SO uncomfortable all day and after talking to Tony I decided to contact my doctor and ask our options for induction. He left for the day and the nurse assured me he'd give me a call Wednesday. I told myself if he didn't call by 2pm on Wednesday then I would call back again. Wednesday morning Molly woke up super poopy and had the WORST diaper rash! She had been super snotty with a cough the past several days and that seemed to be getting worse, too. After cleaning her up and having a relaxing morning and early afternoon being goofy at home we headed to the store to stock up on groceries and so I could make some more food for our freezer for when Crosby did make it here. Afterwards we stopped to see Tony at work... he told me he was having Tops BBQ for lunch and wished he had ordered the burger. Ever since he mentioned wanting a burger I pretty much had to have one and McDonald's oddly sounded the best! So on the way home I got a #2 and we headed home to have some lunch. I still hadn't heard from my doctor's office but by that point I figured we could give waiting a go... I wouldn't be pregnant forever. Blah blah blah.

I ate my food pretty much on the way home and I fixed food for the girls once we got home.  While they were sitting in their chairs eating and watching one of their shows or movies I got super uncomfortable and tired so I nodded off on the couch for a little while - as much as you can with two kids in front of you. I thought the uncomfortableness COULD be the beginning of labor, or it could be nothing. Once the girls were all done with their lunch I started having some contractions. Again, these could be false or real or could fizzle out so I tried not to get my hopes up. These are the contractions you can still walk and talk through but they were definitely more than just a little crampy at this point and seemed to be coming regularly so I started timing them around 4pm and they were lasting 50-60 seconds and were coming in about every 6 minutes. This kept up for 30 minutes but the contractions were coming in sometimes every 5 minutes and sometimes more like every 2-3 minutes and had certainly picked up in intensity! I don't remember the exact timeline but Tony left work early and I think got home around 4:45pm. I threw a few final things in my hospital bag and he grabbed a couple things for himself. I got the kids in the van and sat in the back with them and had a big contraction while waiting for him that really freaked me out! He hustled us to the hospital, thank goodness.

Tony dropped me off and I signed in while he brought the girls in from the parking lot. After a little time in the waiting room I headed back to triage where I found out I was 5cm dilated around 5:50pm, so they started to get all the paperwork and everything else going. I was having contractions the whole time but really stopped counting them and tried my best to calm my body and breathe through them. One of the nurses asked me to rate my pain because she was surprised with how composed I was! Score!! Unfortunately I was in triage for longer than expected because they had a hell of a time getting an IV in thanks to my small, rolling veins. The first nurse tried two different spots with the second place getting blood ALL over my arm, the floor, and even the wall! Thank goodness my mind and energy was focused on my contractions because otherwise I would have had anxiety through the roof about this. The nurse apologized profusely and I kept telling her she had a really tough job and there's no way in hell I could do what she does and to please stop apologizing! She called another nurse in who tried a different spot that once again, didn't work. I said a prayer to myself and asked God to help us out here... I asked my Dad to help out somehow if he could... he was a regular blood donor and seemed to be at ease with these situations. Lo and behold, the 4th time was a charm and they got an IV to stay and we headed back to a room!

They wheeled me out in the hallway and the first face I see is Tony's and I instantly felt so much better. The nurse who was wheeling me back to a room said Tony reminded her of her nephew and I said, "You must have a good looking nephew!" :) Seriously, just so happy to have him by my side again. At this point the girls were in the waiting room with my mother-in-law and were waiting to come back and say goodbye... this was about 7pm, I'd say. At this point the contractions were certainly coming in nice and painfully! I felt so reluctant to say goodbye to my girls but at the same time I felt a lot of relief with them going home so we could focus AND get that epidural! The girls handled it all like champs and made it so easy on me to say goodbye to them. They're so used to hanging with Grandmommy at this point that it's not a big ordeal which was another huge blessing.

Saying goodbye to my babies!

Tony walked them out and that's when I remember my contractions becoming extra painful. My nurses were getting ready for the anesthesiologist who would be coming by very soon. But Tony still wasn't back! And I didn't want to do this part without him because of the scary and horrible wet tap experience last time. I got my biggest contraction yet and that's when I knew I would be signing up for this epidural as soon as humanly possible with or without my husband!!!! Thankfully he beat the gas man to the room and I'm glad he did because it was peaceful having him there with me.

Have I mentioned the labor and delivery nurses yet? I believe their names were Margot and Michelle. And they were angels. So helpful, so calm, so informative and friendly and wonderful and attentive. So they introduced us to the anesthesiologist, David, who was also 100% an angel. He talked to us for a little while and one of the major things we talked about was the spinal fluid leak from my epidural last time. He asked lots of questions and offered a ton of insight. He was so warm and reassuring. Not to mention he was building up my confidence so much with his kind words! So it was finally epidural time and it went SO well and about 10-15 minutes later I was feeling much, much less already. This is when the story went from a battleground to a trip to the spa! Labor seemed to slow down a bit after getting the epidural but absolutely worth it.

Crosby's heart rate would dip down considerably during my contractions - this was happening back in triage as well. So I was on my side as much as possible. Around the time of my epidural I was around 6-7cm and when they checked me a while later (maybe a few hours?) I was still at 7cm so they brought back this gigantic ball that I put in between my legs while I was on my side - 30 minutes on one side and then 30 minutes on the next side. (Did I freaking mention my angel nurses?? They did everything for me and cared so much!) I'm a little fuzzy on what time it was but I know I was 8cm around 11:30pm and after that point we realized Crosby wouldn't have an October 5th birthday! Up until this point Tony was pretty sleepy but stayed up with me to talk and keep my mind preoccupied which I appreciated so much. We watched like four or five episodes of Modern Family together which lightened my mood so much! I told him to get some rest and that I'd let HGTV and Law & Order: SVU keep me company for a while. He had no problem falling asleep and nodded off right away!

I don't remember what time it was that my nurses checked me again but I remember she said she felt "no cervix" at that point which meant I was at 10cm and she said my bag of waters was bulging! All good things! They called my doctor who said he would be there in about 15 minutes... I think this was around 1-1:15am! Everybody was in and out of the room at this point getting things ready to go for when the good doctor got there. I still wasn't feeling much of anything - thank you epidural & David for administering it!!! Tony came over with my phone and took "one last" photo before we met Crosby and I remember Dr. Podraza walked in just as we smiled for the camera - the timestamp on that is 1:39am!

As soon as I saw Dr. Podraza I just felt so extremely grateful. He did such an incredible job delivering Molly and it was so comforting to see him here again... not to mention he was here in the middle of the night! Bless him and all the nurses and doctors who do the same thing for their patients! So I thanked him and he jumped right into all the hustle and bustle. He let me know that my bag of waters still - somehow - hadn't broken (just like my previous two deliveries) and I believe he went ahead and broke it. There was meconium so he let us know it could be an issue or maybe it wouldn't be... that if Crosby came out shouting and crying then it would be a great sign. If things were okay when Crosby came out then I would get skin-to-skin time with him immediately. He also let us know Crosby was posterior/sunny-side up just as my previous two babies had been and then proceeded to flip/spin him around right there in the birth canal. And then it was pretty much go time!!! I asked my nurse if they turned down my epidural for pushing because I still wasn't feeling very much and internally worried how pushing would go. Dr. Podraza jumped in and said they normally would turn it down and would have if he anticipated that I would push for very long but that he felt like this would go quickly so there was no need. My nurses and doctor did an awesome job talking me through pushing when I wasn't sure if I was doing it right or not (couldn't feel much!) and after about 2-3 rounds of pushing Crosby was out! And nearly immediately he was crying so loud and strong!!!! I remember looking at Tony and saying how great it was to hear him cry right away. They called out the time that he was born - 1:53am!

Next thing you know they're putting this soft, squishy baby on my chest. I noticed the dimple in his chin right away - just like Presley, my dad, my little sister, and my nephew! Doctor Podraza waited several minutes until the cord was done pulsating before clamping and cutting it which I was so grateful for because of the benefits of doing so. Tony cut the cord and that was that!

Had to get a photo of Doctor Podraza before he took off to start the rest of his day

We had some more skin-to-skin time and then eventually put the medicine on his eyes and weighed him and then it was time to get him to breastfeed! It took a little trial and error there but then he got a good first latch and started eating! Yay!! We waited about two hours and then it was time to move from our room in labor and delivery to a new room in the mother/baby part of the hospital. This is about the time that they took Crosby to the nursery to be measured - we didn't have his height yet - and they would give him his first bath and all that good stuff. We waited until he was back from that to announce on Facebook & social media that Crosby had joined us earlier in the morning!

Crosby Thomas - 7 pounds 15 ounces and 20.5 inches long!

It has taken me FOREVER to write this much... I'm thinking a lot of that has to do with my mind going in all directions these days and my lack of sleep! I plan on writing a little more another time about the girls meeting him for the first time, having my placenta encapsulated, and more of that great stuff. Thank you for EVERY kind wish, prayer offered, and encouragement from each of you along the way. He's finally here and I am so grateful that labor, delivery, recovery and breastfeeding have been going so well. Now it's onto surviving the newborn sleep deprivation and making the most of the small amount of time Tony's got off from work!

Baby 3.0: 27 Weeks

Here we are at the 27 week mark... that means just about 12 weeks left if Crosby shows up on the same timeframe that the girls did. Tony is still betting it'll be September 25th and I hope he's right! Though September 20th would be epic and amazing and I would remember it SO MUCH EASIER! (since the March 20th is our dating anniversary, May 20th our wedding anniversary, & February 20th is Presley's birthday) I'm also kinda hoping for September 30th, too, since June 30th is Molly's birthday.

{Left to Right} 27 weeks along with Presley, Molly, and Crosby

It seems INSANE that there is still THREE entire months left... how is that possible? It already seems like I've been pregnant forever.

Crosby-related things:

• I've been having these reoccurring feelings/worries/thoughts. The first one is the fear that he's not going to make it home. I'm sure this stems from the fact that I literally cannot believe we are having a boy and I'm having such a hard time picturing what that'll be like... almost to the point where I really don't believe it or that it's all too good to be true. I feel like I've been so fortunate with the littlest blessings in my life that I'm asking for too much at this point. 
• The second one is that I'm wrecking this life as we know it. Which seems to be such a contrast to the first worry. Now I'm worrying about what life will be like assuming he DOES make it home. We have a good life here! We have routines and we're used to the four of us. Things are challenging enough and they're really good. What were we thinking? Am I about to wreck this life that we have now? If you think about it, inevitably, yes... this life won't be the same at all. And I know that's not automatically a bad thing! When I think about this very same fear before we had Molly and to think how I cannot IMAGINE going through this life without her. So I know it'll likely be the exact same way... but what if he doesn't sleep for the first two years? What if he cries all the time? What if I can't handle being a mother to three young kids? What if I'm crippled by postpartum anxiety or depression or psychosis? So many worries. And I promise I'm not spending too much time in fear - but once I start writing about one worry, they all begin to tumble out.
• We got the little man's car seat! I'm very excited about this. The one we used for both girls is hot pink and black... and as much as I told myself I would still use it for a boy, I'm sure that was part of the reason for us getting a knew one. The major reason we replaced it though had to do with the clips at the bottom probably being weakened/damaged. I didn't know any better and I used to prop the car seat on top of the shopping basket at the store because it seems secure! Well, I'm telling you, please don't do that. It can damage the clips on the bottom of your car seat and they might not work when you need them to (in a crash). So we decided to err on the safe side and by a new one. And it definitely helps that it is ADORABLE! Molly was especially excited when she saw it and wanted to buckle up her baby doll to practice for Crosby. 

Propping the infant car seat up like this damages the clipping mechanism at the bottom of it that keeps your child safe in a crash! So please set the entire seat in the basket instead!

An example of what NOT to do with your infant carrier!

Crosby's SUPER cute new infant seat along with Molly buckling up her pony!

• This week Crosby is the size of a fennec fox - minus the tail. And if you've never seen one, they're ADORABLE. Tony & I play Tsum Tsum on our phones (if you don't know about it, download it! If you're anything like us then it'll probably grow on you very quickly!) and yesterday I got a new tsum (when you go to buy a new tsum they choose it for you at random) - Finnick the Fennec Fox from Zootopia! How hilarious is that? I love when little things like that happen.

• He's been kicking/moving around more lately and I absolutely love it. I can guarantee him to do some moving around a bunch once I'm in bed and relaxing every night.
• Molly talks about Crosby nearly every day and it melts my heart. I feel like her and Cros are gonna be little buddies! She will come over to me and say, "Crosby. Belly. Kickin'? Feel it?" And she'll either drape herself across my body or hug my belly in hopes to feel Crosby kicking. It is so precious. Both girls kiss my belly and talk about how they can't wait to meet him!

That's about it for what's been going on here these days. The second trimester is a magical time where you don't feel overly huge and you're mostly done with feeling sick... but even still, you're pregnant. And pregnancy isn't always all fun and giggles! I start to get a little stir crazy when I think about how far I've come and yet how far I have left to go. Also a bit terrified of the possibility of having another wet tap this time around - because let's be honest, I'm already sure I will get another epidural! And because I'm a crazy person I am actually looking forward to the thrill of pushing and meeting Mr. Crosby for the first time - even having to go through labor all over again. (Pregnancy and parenthood makes you kinda insane! We'll blame it on the hormones.) If anyone has experience with wet taps or the likelihood of having it happen to you twice, I'm all ears. It's something I plan on asking my doctor about this upcoming week at my next appointment. 

Hope it's a good week for everyone! And happy 4th of July!!!

Presley's Birthday Story!

So, the more time that passes between now and the day we met Presley, the more I forget about the details!  It makes me so sad as well as angry with myself for not making time to type out all the happenings from those few days!  But I plan to try my best to remember all the important (and less important) details from that weekend... so here we go...


It all started on a Saturday morning.  It was February 18th around 4 AM and Tony was getting up and leaving for work that morning (he had to be there at 5AM).  I got up to use the restroom and tried going back to bed but around 4:30 AM I started to feel very uncomfortable, almost like Presley was moving around really oddly inside of me.  I started to realize that the uncomfortable feeling would come and go pretty regularly so that's when I enlisted the help of a trusty iPod app to help me time what I was assuming were contractions.  Sure enough, the pain was coming in about every five minutes and lasting for a minute.  At this point I was WAY too excited to go back to sleep so I stayed up and timed the contractions.  Considering that this was my first time going through this, I had no idea if I was supposed to go in and get checked out or what, so I called my doctor's office and the on-call doctor suggested I go in just to get checked out.  So I did and I hadn't progressed any since my last doctors appointment -- 1 CM & about 70% effaced.  They hooked me up to machines, monitored me for an hour or so, checked me again, and same thing.  I told the nurse on duty that my doctor was out of town and that they were supposed to contact my doctor's midwife because that's who I preferred if my doctor was absent.  The nurse kinda dismissed that and told me I was stuck with the on-call doctor.  Nothing was progressing, so I went home to labor there because although my contractions were uncomfortable, they weren't unbearable.

This is when things were still "fun" and "exciting"

Tony was home from work when I got there and since we planned on spending the weekend cleaning and getting ready for the baby, that's what we did.  And at this point in the story, Tony and I really don't remember a whole heck of a lot.  We don't really remember what we did all day and don't remember the timing of things very well.  But the general consensus between the two of us is that we ended up going back to the birthing center late Saturday night (about 10 pm?) when contractions were still consistent and getting more painful.  We got checked in and again I got hooked up and monitored.  I think at this point I was only 1-2 CM dilated and had effaced more than 70% but I don't remember the specifics.  This was so frustrating.  So we walked around the hospital to get things going but not much was happening.  We stayed overnight and they gave me a pretty heavy sleeping pill so I could relax and get some rest.  Unfortunately, I didn't get much sleep at all.

Of course, my doctor was out of town, and OF COURSE, the on-call doctor was a huge ass hole and scared the crap out of me talking about pitocin and needing to get things going -- it all sounded so scary and painful!  It was at this point that I pulled the nurse aside and asked her to contact the midwife that worked closely with my doctor.  Finally, they contacted the midwife and she was upset they hadn't called her sooner.  She came to check me out and it was at this point that I heard for the first time that Presley was flipped the wrong way.  Although she was head down, she was turned to face the wrong way in a "posterior" position, and that this was not a good thing.  This explained why I was more uncomfortable than I should've been and also explains why a week earlier I was certain I felt Presley move into an uncomfortable position (I thought she had moved into a breech position, though).  The midwife and her apprentice had me get onto my knees and chest in hopes to get Presley to flip.  I remember being extremely uncomfortable at this point, felt exhausted, and just felt kinda hopeless as my body wasn't doing what it needed to do.  I don't remember specifics, but I know we stayed in the hospital until about 2 PM (on February 19th) and then got discharged because things really weren't happening, despite consistent contractions and being in a great deal of pain at this point.  I was distraught and cried all the way home, I think, because I really felt so scared.  Thankfully, before we left, our sweet nurse told us to come right back in if things got to be too much or if I couldn't sleep again, etc.

So, we were at home, COMPLETELY exhausted and my pain was getting so much worse.  I tried to be on my chest and knees as much as possible and Tony was helping me as much as he could.  He was just as tired as me with the only difference being his body was telling him to sleep because he wasn't in any pain!  But since I was in so much pain I needed him to stay awake with me to help keep me calm.  I got into the shower to hopefully help relieve some pain and just couldn't find any relief.  It was around 5 PM (on Sunday, February 19th) when I started freaking out saying this was too much and we needed to go in.  We went in and I had progressed a little more (about 3-4 CM and nearly 100% effaced) but not a whole heck of a lot.

I look awful! I needed oxygen but I don't remember why!

 This is when they THANKFULLY decided to let me have an epidural so my body could relax, sleep, and hopefully progress.  I was so scared to get an epidural but at this point I just wanted the pain to go away.  The procedure was fast and pretty much painless and in minutes I was smiling and laughing again and in no time I was getting some sleep!  A few hours later they checked me and decided to put me on pitocin because things still weren't happening.  As soon as they did that, my body started to respond and by Monday very early AM, my water finally broke!!!!  They told me that there was some meconium in the water and this wasn't favorable for the baby but they also weren't too worried about it.  At this point I was somewhere between 7-9 CM dilated and fully effaced and the midwife's apprentice came in and asked if I'd be willing to have my meds turned way down so I could get some feeling back in order to push.  She told me this would be better and things would go faster this way so of course I was alright with it.  Over the next 1-2 hours I started to feel that awful pain again and the contractions were absolutely unbearable!  Along the way I asked her what pain medication options I had and she said, "None.  You are having a baby, it's gonna hurt."  And I've never wanted to kill someone more than in that moment!!!!!

Finally, around 6 AM we were ready to push... and the fun REALLY starts!  Thank God for Tony and our fabulous nurses... I could not have done any of it without their support.  And thankfully, I didn't want to kill Tony throughout all of this... mostly because I was terrified and knew that I wanted him right next to me.  I remember telling the midwife's apprentice (she was the one delivering Presley) that I couldn't do it anymore and I was way too exhausted.  She told me I had to and I could keep going so I did and finally we were making some progress.  I remember the point that the baby started to crown (OUCH) and they asked if I wanted to see her head in the mirror to give me some motivation and I quickly shot that down, I just wanted her out of there and to be done!!!  So I kept pushing and it seemed like it all started happening so fast and at 6:49 AM they pulled her out, I felt SO much relief, we heard her cry, and they plopped this squirmy baby on my chest!

Such a wonderful moment for me!

 I will never forget how warm and soft she felt and how unprepared I felt!!!!  She was crying and I felt like I could hardly move, let alone take care of her.  Thankfully, she calmed down and just laid on me while they took forever to stitch me up.  (I ended up with two 2nd degree tears... ouch!)  She also pooped on me in that time period!!!  But thankfully it was just on the blankets and not so much on me-- woohoo!  After a while I was able to get up and go to the bathroom and I even got to soak in the bathtub for some time which felt absolutely amazing.  They weighed her and she was 7 lbs. & 12.7 oz!

Presley and her daddy getting some time together!

Shortly after that we had some breakfast and our family was there to visit (our parents & my Gramma) and just after that we moved to the mother/baby wing and into the room where we spent the next two days.

Moving us to our new room!

Holding this strange baby I have yet to get to know... so surreal!

I remember breastfeeding those first days hurt so bad and Presley was really having a tough time latching on.  I was having trouble sleeping in the hospital and felt like I could never relax again in addition to feeling like I didn't know how to take care of my own child.  This is when the baby blues started because everything just seemed to be so much harder than I ever imagined it being.  I was having trouble seeing that things were going to get better because I didn't know that they would!  But since then, things have really settled down and we are doing so great with breastfeeding.  I still feel like I don't know a whole lot about being a mom, but I feel more confident in taking care of my baby girl.  I'm getting to know her everyday and each day I'm finding more to be positive about.

So, that is pretty much the story of her birthday!  From beginning to end, labor lasted 50 hours and while I had no idea that our story would go anything like this, I am so glad it's all behind us and just a memory at this point!