30 Things My Kids Should Know About Me: Dear Sixteen Year-Old Me...

A while back I stumbled upon a list of writing prompts (here) and I thought it was a brilliant way to write more while also giving my kids something substantial to read from me. I lost my dad without getting to know him as a person and I would really give anything to have pieces of him. So, despite how narcissistic it can often times feel to write about myself, I'm doing this for my kiddos. Slowly but surely, that is, because this will only be the second prompt completed here. (You can find them above at the "For My Kids" page)

Today I'm here to tell my 16 year-old self 10 things - so here we go.

01. Friends will come and go.

This was a really painful lesson for me as I lost a lot of friends throughout high school whether someone moved, graduated, grew apart, or due to bad decisions. Each loss felt devastating at the time. It wasn't until quite some time later when I realized it was OK and normal to grow apart from people throughout your life. The thing that really helped me here was the reason, season, and lifetime poem. Not everyone is destined to be a major part of our life forever and while it can be painful, it is all in God's plan for us. God knows what we don't and most of the time it starts to become apparent after a while why those people left our lives. Letting go can feel really great, too. I spent way too much time trying to hold onto people so tightly that I missed out on joy and new experiences or even just the things that were right in front of my face. So, friends WILL come and go. Let them go. Have peace in your heart about it. You will never have to beg someone to be part of your life who wants to be there. And you know what? Some friends will stay. Just keep swimming. Be good to the friends in your life.

02. Life is GREY.

In high school I saw things in black OR white extremes. And I did a lot of judging of people early on. At some point it was coming from a good place, but it really didn't come out as anything nice. Because no matter how well-intentioned it is, judging someone else just isn't our job. I wish I had known you could still love people despite their choices. That you can lovingly disagree with someone. You can look out for someone and try to be there for them and do it all without shoving your opinions and judgments on them. Life is grey. And that's okay.

03. Travel. 

Okay so you won't likely do much traveling with your sixteen year-old budget... but still. If you get the chance to go somewhere or do something new: DO IT. Don't let the fear of anything hold you back. If you get into a situation you don't like - then come back. I was always too afraid to go do anything in case it wasn't for me. (Like working at a summer camp away from home or trying the Disney college program.) Fear kept me from doing what I wanted to do too many times. I wish I had done more traveling with myself or my sisters or my friends or Tony. Not elaborate, not expensive trips. Just going anywhere and everywhere that I had the opportunity to go. I wish I had explored more unfamiliar places and seen more new things with the people I love before my kids came along. Because now my life is centered around them and being a mom. I'm not saying you can't travel once having kids and I'm also not saying I'm not planning to travel anymore... it's just not an option for me at this given moment. And I wish I had done more of it when I had more money, less responsibilities, and the time.

04. Exercise safe sex until you choose to become a parent.

Even if a doctor tells you it will be extremely difficult to get pregnant without fertility treatments. You will love being a parent one day - but just wait until you are ready. And honestly, there is no rush to have sex. Wait until you're ready for that, too. It'll all be worth it.

05. Speaking of that - exercise.

Aside from cheerleading in high school and gym class, I didn't exercise. Why would I? I could eat and drink whatever I wanted and nothing bad would ever happen. But I wish I would have known how beneficial regular exercise is and I wish I would have started that from a young age. Because once it becomes a part of your life and routine then it's just part of who you are. (Or at least that's how it was for me when I exercised regularly later in life when I had all that pre-kids energy.) It helps your mood, it helps your body to function properly, and it just makes you feel great. So start now and keep up with it.

06. Open a checking & savings account, work as much as you can.

I got this advice when I was 18 but I had already been working two years by that point. And I had a stack of paychecks I had never cashed!!! What. A. Mess. I knew absolutely nothing about the principles of saving money let alone the skills required to navigate a simple bank transaction. So. Here it is. Open up a checking account. In your name. It's okay to feel intimidated at first. If you can, open a savings account as well. Hopefully something with a bit better interest rate than your checking account. Try hard to not touch the money you put into your savings account.

Now, work as much as you can while you're young and able and have the energy and free time. Because, why not? If you're not working you'll have more time to make bad decisions and get into trouble. If you spend your time working you'll keep yourself busy with being productive AND you'll be making money. If that's money you don't need right now - SAVE IT. Don't blow it on stupid clothes you'll wear once and realize you don't even like. (If that advice sounds specific that's because it is.) Bonus points if you find a job you genuinely love.

07. Don't be hurtful just because you're hurting.

Agh. This is such an important lesson. When someone does or says something hurtful to you, you do not get a free pass to do or say something hurtful. Take a step back, walk away... deal with your insides before you deal with someone who caused you pain. You might think you are hurting them and getting even but you are just damaging yourself. You are shaping WHO you are. Do you really want to become someone who hurts people? No. You don't. So just don't go there. Be kind. Be vulnerable. Even in the face of hurtful people. They are just hurting themselves in the long run. Get to a space mentally where you can be hurt and not be hurtful in return. Be someone your little sister can look up to and feel proud.

08. Stay away from alcohol until you're 21.

Seriously. Theres a great reason why you legally have to be 21 until you partake. Trust me. Theres just no need for it yet. You've only got this ONE time to be a teenager and alcohol will only mess that up. The fun part about alcohol is how freeing it allows you to be and you know what is beautiful about this part of your life? Being a teenager is a time in your life where you are free to follow your heart and your whims. It's a time when you're no longer a kid so you've got a bit more freedom and at the same time your not yet an adult so you aren't weighed down by those responsibilities and expectations yet. Being sixteen is freeing. You don't need alcohol to free you. And really, you don't need alcohol to free you at any age. Learn that before you have your first drink and you'll already be ahead of the curve. Also, alcohol is a depressant. It can and will disrupt the balance you have going on... it will affect your thoughts, feelings, and actions. And it can sometimes cause long-term mental health issues. Honestly, you should stay away from alcohol until your frontal lobes are fully formed (around age 25) but I get that I'm really pushing it here. Point is...

Learn to be yourself, make friends, dance, flirt, and socialize without the buffer of alcohol. It's okay if it's awkward. Awkward is good. Awkward is real. Everyone is awkward as a teen. Feeling awkward means we are just outside our comfort zone and that is where we learn and grow. We like awkward.

09. Get help.

So earlier I said at 16 years old your not a kid anymore but that wasn't the whole truth. You are still a kid. You are not ready for adult situations. And you will find yourself thrust into situations you are just not ready for. This is where you need to get help. Stress is a great help indicator. It usually means you are having to bear something you can't fully deal with on your own. THAT IS OKAY. That is normal. It just means it's time to ask someone who loves and supports you for help. PLEASE, please don't be afraid or feel too intimidated to ask an adult for help. Think of an adult who makes you feel loved and safe. Go to that person. There is no "thing" too small to ask for help. Don't feel shame. I tell my kids now -- who are most definitely NOT teens yet but the same applies -- it's a BIG kid behavior to ask for help. It may not feel like it, but it is.

10. Try new things.

New foods. New experiences. All of it. Well, the healthy stuff. Let me give you an example. Senior year (before moving to Illinois) for some reason I decided to give bowling a try. Not just for fun on the weekends with friends at midnight bowling... like the actual bowling team at school. I wish I could remember what motivated me to go but I went to the tryouts. And it was FUN. Who knew there was an actual method to bowling?! Not me... not until I went, at least. I ended up making the team mostly because the amount of girls who showed up at tryouts was the number of girls they needed for a full team. The people on the team were wonderful and kind and I learned a lot while having a lot of fun. And I genuinely got better at bowling. Why did I wait until senior year to try out? I wish so much that someone had sat me down freshman year and told me failing is okay. We're not going to be good at everything we do but everything is worth a shot. So try everything.

I admire my little sister so much because she had the guts to try something new her freshman year when she tried out for volleyball. She'd never played before and had so much to learn but she found out she was a quick learner and she was talented and athletic and she did fantastic. She made the team and she excelled. Watching Ashley play volleyball and practicing with her are some of my favorite memories from high school. I wish all the time I'd had the courage she did and would have tried out my freshman year. I might not have made it - but what if I would have? We could have played together for two years in high school. And I would have had fun because that community was full of great people.

Try all the things. Don't be afraid of failure. It's just as likely you'll succeed. But if and when you do fail it'll propel you forward. It'll help you discover your capabilities.

Other great things: learn to love coffee, get your ass to church but more importantly know God, read lots of books, spend time with your family, develop hobbies, life is about more than the opposite sex (or more specifically life is about more than what the opposite sex thinks of you), don't waste your time on mean or fake friends, go to sleep at a decent time, get out of your comfort zone as much as possible, be good to your sisters, eat food that is actually good for you, life isn't always about you, LISTEN TO GOOD MUSIC, the popular thing is almost never the right thing... and a million more.

Kids, if you're reading this, I wish I could just breathe these lessons into you. But I can't. You are going to have to make the choice to hear these things or not. And I hope you take this time in your life to listen to your mommy and learn some of the things she wished she knew at your age. I love you SO MUCH and always want what is best for you and I hope you feel that.

What kinds of lessons do you wish someone would have taught your 16 year-old self? What are some of the lessons your thankful you were taught at that age?

Bad Mommy. (Crosby: 1.5 year update)

For my first two kids I pretty well kept up with their growth and milestones on my blog. Third kid? Not so much. I can't remember the last time I updated about Crosby. Poor buddy!

So let me tell you a little bit about my buddy, Crosby, these days. He's a solid 20 months old - nearly 21 months - so we are somehow closing in on his second birthday. (HOW?!) And we're still breastfeeding. If it were entirely up to me then we would probably be done with it by now but Crosby is still really attached to nursing. I will - no doubt - miss it when we're done. Or at least parts of it. Like the closeness. And how Crosby automatically comes to me for comfort or a place to fall asleep. I can't wait to have a bit more personal space at the moment... but I know it'll be something I miss down the road.

It seems like Crosby will NEVER be done with "milkies" though. Molly weaned herself around 18-19 months of age and I had to cut Presley off at 23 months due to my pregnancy with Molly (I was so super ready for a break from BFing before starting all over again with Molly + I was so uncomfortable and sore during pregnancy) so we're not far off from the end of the other breastfeeding relationships in my life. I plan to write another breastfeeding blog one of these days...

Last month we finally got Crosby baptized. We were back in the Quad Cities (where we lived for 5 or so years) for Betsy's wedding and had Crosby baptized while we were in town. It was wonderful to have our Illinois friends and family there and meaningful to have him baptized at Christ the King -- a church with a lot of personal history for us.

That's Father Levitt. When Tony went through RCIA before our wedding I was lucky enough to sponsor him. Which meant I got to go to classes with him every week for several months. It was honestly such a great thing to go through together ahead of getting married. Father Levitt was at classes every week and I feel like we got to know him really well in that time period. Then came the Easter vigil and Tony experienced baptism, first communion, and confirmation - all with Father Levitt. A few weeks later Father Levitt married us. And then a year later he baptized Presley. There were so many beautiful, unforgettable moments that took place at Christ the King.

So when the opportunity presented itself to have Crosby baptized there by Father Levitt, I jumped at the chance. The baptism took place privately after mass and while I missed my favorite moment where Father says during mass, "Welcome the newest member of our Catholic faith!" -- it was really perfect and intimate and full of meaning for us. We asked my cousins, Drew and Breanne, to be his godparents. Both people who I can only hope my kids get the chance to know because they are some of my favorite people on the planet. Two loving, selfless, hilarious, kind-hearted people Crosby would be lucky to have in his corner. Two people who will be great guides for my little man throughout his life.

Crosby's vocabulary has really exploded lately. I really think Crosby could live off of beans - especially black beans. And milk, of course. He's still a little peanut... he's in a size 4 diaper and he's mostly in 24 month clothes. Oh... and he goes pee on the potty every so often! He'll tell us to put him on the potty and then he'll go! It's awesome and I love how proud he looks afterwards. He is OBSESSED with Daddy and Mommy. He loves his sisters like crazy. He loves his cousins & also looks up to his cousin Matthew in the sweetest way. Crosby loves to play in the water and thinks he is WAY BIGGER than he actually is in the water. It's already so difficult watching three kids in the water at once but when the younger two are literally FEARLESS it makes mommy a little uneasy!

So anyways -- that's the update on my little third born buddy boy who has a super neglected presence on my blog and so many empty pages in his baby book but who has a HUGE place in my heart and all the love he can handle from his family. I love you so much, Crosby Thomas. You are such a hilarious kid with an insanely unique personality and each day we get together I cherish because it's one more opportunity to get to know you. You are such a blessing to our family, big guy.

Too Much.

I can't count the number of times recently where I felt like I just didn't quite belong. I walk away from an interaction with someone else thinking - what it is about me that people either just don't get or don't like? Was I not being friendly enough? Do I seem uncaring, unapproachable, unwelcoming? Am I just too boring? Or was I just being TOO much? Overly familiar? Too sensitive? Too loud? Too quiet?

Does anyone else feel like that? And when did that start? Because my girls are so unapologetically themselves. They seem so comfortable in their skin. And thank God for the many people around them allow them that space to be who they are. I look at them and hope that they never become smaller to fit inside any box someone else tries to place them in. I hope they aren't made to feel like they need to be any different than who they are right now.

In the end, I mostly chalk my hurt feelings up to being a product of my own (many) insecurities. It's taking me a little while to realize that it's okay to not always be liked. People are either going to like me or not and what someone else ultimately decides about me is out of my control. I'm not going to be everybody's cup of tea. "You are not for everyone....

...and that's okay. Talk to the people who can hear you." The words above from Rebecca Campbell are absolute poetry in those moments where you feel rejected and need reminding that what you offer isn't going to be appreciated or accepted by every person you meet.

And incase you need the extra reminder from Glennon just as much as I do: "You. Are. Not. TOO. Anything. Just show up." Be you. FOR YOU. Not for anyone else. Love people and love yourself. Let people love you. And if the people you love don't love you back, then it's time for you to move on. Stop trying to make yourself fit into a box that is not shaped for you.

Baby 3.0: 21 Weeks + "Me Before You" House Party Giveaway!

If this pregnancy follows the same pattern as my last two, then we should have about 17.5 weeks to go until this baby arrives. I'm already counting down the days!

I was just looking through the weekly photos from my other pregnancies and realized this is the first pregnancy where we're not moving halfway through! Which is so amazing. But we couldn't just keep things TOO nice and easy, right? We're going to be adding a new vehicle to the family so that'll be enough excitement if you ask me.

21 weeks along in all three pregnancies: 10/15/2011 with Presley, 02/28/2014 with Molly, and 05/23/2016 with Crosby 

Seems like Crosby has done a lot of growing in the last week or so. And he's definitely kicking a lot more lately which is a really great feeling. I guess I've been letting Presley know when the baby is kicking a bunch lately because she asked me the other day if I liked being kicked. And when I said I did she asked if she could kick me. (Also, yes, she was dead serious. Silly goose.) That's really all there is to say about pregnancy at this point.

So, if you're not familiar with House Party, you should absolutely check it out! They offer the opportunity to host all kinds of parties from different companies that want you to try and hopefully recommend their product. You can apply for the parties that seem like they'd be a good fit for you and occasionally you get picked! When you're chosen for a party they give you all the tools you'll need to plan the party and to invite everybody. In the past I've gotten a TurboTax party which included filing my taxes for free and a ton of 50% off codes for friends and family to use for their taxes.

This time around I was super lucky to host a party to promote a book I love and the accompanying movie that I cannot wait to see. If you're not familiar with it, the book is called Me Before You and is written by Jojo Moyes and the movie stars Sam Claflin (Finnick from the Hunger Games) and Emilia Clarke (Game of Thrones). The trailer could explain the premise better than I could...



Of course I'm sure the movie won't be able to touch the book - but it looks like they cast SO appropriately all around. When I applied for the party I had just read the book and was deeply moved by the story. So when I learned I was chosen I was through the roof excited! The party supplies included 11 paperback copies of Me Before You, 1 hardcover copy of the book's sequel, a pair of bumblebee tights (significant in the book), bookmarks, notebooks & pens, photo props, and even adorable cloth handkerchiefs for WHEN you inevitably sob.

So I got to invite people and share some of this awesomeness and thank goodness because I had such a great time! Kelsi, Kaela, Ashley and I got together at Starbucks and I had all these points of conversation to talk about that has to do with some of the themes of the book that didn't give anything away since none of them had read it yet. However, once we all started talking about life we literally didn't stop. We got there around 7pm and stayed until Starbucks kicked us out two hours later!

So since we didn't discuss the book at all and we all had a ton of fun we decided we'll get back together after the three of them read the book (and I'm sure I'll end up rereading it...) so we can talk about it and then go see the movie. It really is one of those books that you just have to talk about after you read it so I can't wait to see what they think.

I'm so glad you guys showed up and stuck around because it was exactly what I needed right now! Except maybe a little less ghost talk next time. And we should absolutely repeat this regularly.

And with that, I'd like to give one of my loyal readers (all five or six of you...) a Me Before You prize pack that will include a paperback copy of Me Before You along with a bookmark, handkerchief, pen, & notebook! There's only one way to enter and that's by using the Rafflecopter below and by answering the question there and leaving your answer in the comments on this blog entry!!
*Which means: If you enter through the Rafflecopter but don't leave a comment on the blog then you can't win the prize.*

Easy peasy lemon squeezy!! So good luck and let me know if you have any questions!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

Presley is FOUR.

It honestly hasn't sunk in that Presley is four... it really hasn't even hit me that it was her birthday (and that it's already passed). I don't know what my problem is but it feels like the moment bounced off of me before I could absorb it. We've had a lot going on lately, and maybe that's why, but I wanted to write about it in hopes that maybe my exceptionally thick skull could interpret what I may/should be feeling.

Labor and delivery for Miss Presley was so scary - mostly because it was such an unknown realm. Could I do this? Could my body actually do what it's supposed to (for once) and help me bring a baby into the world? My labor started February 18th and didn't end until the early hours of February 20th. I don't think I've ever been that hungry, scared, and tired in my life.

Not to mention, my amazing doctor who I trusted and wanted there so much was out of town. Luckily, I was sent an angel to help deliver Presley in the form of my doctor's midwife, Rita. It was the midwife who found out that Presley was flipped sunny side up and who helped us to get her flipped. It was that amazing woman who had never met me before but decided to come in and help me give birth. I'm so grateful for women like her.

Having Presley placed on my chest was a moment that altered me deeply. I remember feeling wave after wave of emotion and just about every feeling in the book (good, bad, ugly, you name it) and I swear the warmth of this little baby lit me from within. Four years later Presley is still doing that for me. She is such a light in our lives.

This year we decided to have her party at a hotel - much like we did for her 2nd party - so that she could swim. She LOVES swimming! The biggest difference between that party and this one is that it was just me and Presley back then - no Molly yet. Which meant I had a lot more free time to devote to planning! I remember checking out several hotels and talking to the staff before choosing a hotel. This time? I think I picked the first one that met our criteria. And there was no visiting the hotel beforehand this time around.

We reserved a two room suite in case the breakfast/common area was being used at the time of the party since you can't reserve that space. That way we'd have plenty of room in the suite for party guests to spread out IF we had to have the party in the room. We get there to check in and we did not book a suite. I have no idea how that happened. So we had a regular room. Plus, and this is hilarious, the breakfast room was a restaurant! We can't use a restaurant or a one bedroom hotel room for a party! Enter freak out mode.

Tony noticed there were conference rooms available and we inquired about renting one. (Meanwhile, the first party guests have arrived!) The women on staff that evening were so helpful, understanding, and went above and beyond to accommodate us! The manager that night let us know usually you book these rooms in advance but that one very small board room was available for rental if we'd be interested. We. Will. Take. It.

And thus began Presley's board room birthday bash!

A perfect mix of new friends, old friends, family and unfailing friends who have become family.

Thankfully there was a common area for guests to hang out since we all didn't fit in the main room that was not far from the board room. It made visiting everyone at once a little more difficult but I was just happy to see everyone! Of course we spent way more time than we anticipated eating, visiting, and opening presents so mostly everyone left by the time we swam but man... that was so nice and so much fun!!!

After we said goodbye to the last party guests we finally headed up to our room - which was actually our second room already since our first room was overrun by lady bugs. By the time we got up to this room we realized this one was also full of ladybugs. When we got up to our third room we'd lost all our baby wipes somewhere along the way and this third room was also decorated by many, many ladybugs. It was late, Molly hadn't napped, and we were all tired. (But I was not about to sleep with ladybugs after the price we paid for a room!) Since we booked the hotel room through a third party we had to deal with Hotels.com AND the sweet staff at the hotel. Note to self and others: Don't book hotel rooms through third parties. Just don't.

Finally, we got the price of the room refunded to us and we were leaving. Presley was beside herself because she wanted so much to spend her birthday in a hotel! The sweet, sweet manager told us she would put us up at a nearby hotel room, free of charge. What! So incredibly kind. We packed everything up with two tired girls, lost Presley's favorite birthday balloon to the wind on the way to the car, and headed to the second hotel with two VERY upset little girls in the backseat. (Presley was crying about her lost balloon - I was crying a bit on the inside because the balloon that flew away cost $12 - and Molly was hysterical at the sight of Presley being so upset!)

After getting settled in our new room and playing for a bit, it was finally bedtime. Everyone eventually fell asleep and I could.not.sleep! Around 1am Molly woke up SCREAMING and was completely inconsolable. It was so bad that Tony and I decided the only way any of us would get any sleep was if I took Molly home and we went back to pick Tony and Presley up in the morning. Thankfully Presley slept through all the late night shenanigans and Molly slept just fine once we were home. What a funny story for a 4th birthday party! I'm beginning to feel like a lightning rod for oddities.

Despite the craziness, it was such a wonderful birthday party and I was so grateful to spend some time with the people we love so much. After occasions like that I always wonder WHY we don't get together with the people we love more often than we do. It's just the way life goes but I loved seeing each and every person who was there and we are so blessed to have you in our lives. Presley is four and had a happy day and that's the most I could have asked for!

Oh, not to mention she had THE COOLEST birthday cake out there thanks to her wonderful Grandmommy! Not only was the cake beautiful but it was one of the best tasting cakes I've had in a long time. Speaking of Selena, 99% of the photos from Presley's party were taken by my mother-in-law so THANK YOU for those!!!

Elsa, Anna, and Olaf featuring a picture of Presley and Elsa from our WDW trip!!!

Thank you to our Presley Rose for making the last four years of our life some of the strangest and most unforgettable years of our lives. I look forward to making all the wonderful memories with you and look forward to greeting your beautiful spirit every morning. I love you like I never knew I could love! You are the glue of our Duggan clan without knowing that's what you are. You've shown me I can do so many things I never knew I was capable of - just by existing - and I hope to do the same for you someday. You are special to me, I'm lucky to have you as part of my life.

Twin Cousins.

While I was growing up, I felt lame because my favorite people (and best friends) were family members.

And now, I couldn't imagine my life any other way. Nor would I want it to be any different.

Most of the people I considered my best friends over time who I wasn't related to have come in and out of my life and they are ALWAYS a warm & happy part of my memories. At the time, though, I couldn't imagine my life without them.

I can see now what a supreme blessing it has been growing up next to my siblings and cousins... we're stuck with each other! And thank goodness for that.

The really great thing to look back on is how much our parents made sure we would get together as often as possible so that we could spend time with our aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins. I have to give credit to my mom and Aunt Jill for all they did to get us kids together... if they hadn't done that I might not be so close with my cousin Breanne. It's true that you don't fully understand or appreciate the things your parents do for you until you're a parent. Then it all begins to dawn on you how lucky you are to belong to the family you are part of.

It's Breanne's birthday today and it's days like these that cause me to reflect on just how thankful I am for her. I have taken our friendship for granted so much over time because it's just always been there because she has always been there.

She's always been a force for good in my life. Whether it was someone to just laugh with - which we have done a LOT of - or someone to sit, listen, and give advice from the heart... Breanne is someone who always seems to get me out of my own head and comfort zone. Heck, she even successfully talked me into dating Tony a million years ago! It also helps that we're so close in age and able to relate to each other so closely in that regard.

And now that we're moms - with two sets of kids that are just about the same age apart as we are! - we get to bond about pregnancy, labor, childbirth, breastfeeding, parenting, marriage, etc!!! (Bond... AKA vent!!!) I don't know what my life would look like without her and I'm glad to not know.

So... definitely photo overload on this post... but I couldn't seem to pick just a few of my favorites. Anyways, happy birthday to one super special person in my life... hope we're around to enjoy 27+ more years of each other! (Preferably a LOT more than 27 more!) Thank you for keeping me sane at every turn and for your friendship. We got lucky by being family but no one ever forced us to be friends and I promise to always be here for you, too.