Brave Mama: Morgan's Guest Post - Being Free from PPD

Post. Partum. Depression.

Three words I never thought would come out of my mouth. Three scary words. I never thought I had to worry about postpartum depression. I thought the least that could happen were the all so common “baby blues” so many women get with all of our raging hormones after having a baby. Let’s face it, they are raging. But sometimes those “baby blues” don’t go away after a few days. You don’t feel right, like yourself. Post-partum depression affects women in all different kinds of ways. It is not the same for every woman.

I went back to work 4 weeks after having my baby boy (my second child & c-section). Way too soon if you ask me. I did it because I had to, for my family. That’s when I really noticed I wasn’t right. I wasn’t happy, I didn’t want to get up in the morning, I felt like I had no purpose. But most of all, my anxiety was constantly overbearing all of my thoughts. I couldn’t concentrate on anything. Death is all I thought about. I was scared my son would stop breathing in his sleep. Scared I might drop him and he may never take another breath. When my husband offered to take the kids off of my hands for an hour or so, I was too scared to let him go out of the house and in the car without me. Because I thought I am being selfish wanting time to myself, that something might happen to them, I would be punished for wanting time to myself, a car crash that would end their lives therefore ending mine too. So I never let him take them without me going with them. He never understood, but I never told him why. I never confessed that I was too scared that something might happen. I never let family take them for just a few hours so that Stephen (my husband) and I could have some alone time. I was scared no one would take care of them the way I do. That someone might crash into them and kill them instantly. I never wanted my children out of my sight. EVER.

I never told anyone. For months I never told anyone what was going on. The biggest mistake I made. I was too ashamed and embarrassed people would see me as weak, as a sissy. I was worried of the judgment I would receive. Of the thoughts and looks I might get or how people would treat me differently. It would be what was expected from a mother of one child already. “She knows what to expect, she can’t be going through post-partum depression.” And so many other things that went through my head.

I did, however, finally confess to my doctor. She acted completely normal. Which shocked me because who gets post-partum depression? Only "sissys" do. SO NOT TRUE. She told me how normal it was AND in my circumstances it didn’t surprise her (we had a lot going on at that time). She prescribed me to get out and exercise and sunshine. I tried for about a month with her prescription and no change. Fearfully and dreadfully, I went back. I told her I tried my best and no changes. She then prescribed me medication. I tried that and it didn’t work. So I went back, bound and determined I would get over this, one way or another. I was suffering deep down. I wanted to enjoy my life. I wanted to enjoy the sweet moments of my newborn and my beautiful daughter, who was ecstatic about her baby brother. Finally, a prescription that worked. It took about a month for me to see any change, but it worked. 

I still hadn’t told my husband what was going on. He’s a big tough guy who thinks a pat on the back will make everything better. And for some that method does work, but not for me. He found my prescription I had been hiding because I was SO embarrassed and ashamed and thought he would think so little of me. He was mad. Not mad that I had to take something to make me better, but mad because I couldn’t confide in him. Which I should have done. I should have told the one person I share everything with. He did ask, “This is not something you can just suck up?” At those last two words, I burst into tears. The one question I had been dreading all of this time. It’s something he couldn’t understand. And now I truly believe it’s something no one will ever understand until they have gone through it. I tried explaining to him how I felt every single day, how I was terrified of him running up to the grocery store (less than 5 miles away) with both children, out of fear something might happen to them. I still don’t think he understands, not fully.

The medication worked. I was back to myself. I was the old Morgan again. I remember the feeling of a weight being lifted off of me. The liberating feeling of “being free” again of all of the crazy thoughts and worries. So I stopped taking my medicine. I acted as a doctor. I started feeling the same way again. I don’t know what to do now, now that I’m pregnant with our third. I don’t want to take any medication regardless of the studies being done that say it’s ok to take it. I’m worried I’ll do harm to our unborn daughter all because I can’t be happy. This, I haven’t told my husband either. I don’t want him to worry about me when we have so many other things to worry about. I am making the best of things and when those old thoughts come to my mind, I do my best to push them out any way I can.

I am writing this to warn all women expecting, it can happen. You may think “it can’t happen to me!”. But boy oh boy can it happen and it happens in an instant. So watch for the signs (every woman’s may be different), TALK to your loved ones, TALK to your doctor, get out in the sunshine, go for a walk, take a deep breath and know that you’re not alone and this to shall pass. Having children is not all hunky dorie, rainbows and pots of gold. It takes a lot of hard work with or without PPD. You can get through it. Don’t give up and keep trying for that sweet baby of yours. They are so incredibly worth it.

I'm no doctor and am in now way telling you how to cure PPD. I wanted to share my experience. I thought I was the only one in the world going through it. I hope being able to read one's confession can put you at ease (somewhat).  

Morgan's Blog: Life as Mommy Harris
Morgan shares her beautiful life with her husband, Stephen, and two kiddos, Georgia Lynn & Brantley in the Midsouth.  {AND, they've got a sweet baby girl on the way, Miss Campbell Easton!}  Morgan is my first courageous, beautiful mama to share her Post-Partum Depression story in my Brave Mama mini-series.  I am so thankful to have known Morgan for many years growing up but am just now getting to know a totally new, mommy side of her and I just love it!  Thanks so much for sharing, Morgan, you are welcome here ANY time.  You guys go check out her new blog!

Marriage Monday: Tammy's Guest Post - Finding Hope and Healing in Addiction

Addiction is a disease that lies and destroys.  Earlier this summer, the world learned of another young star whose life was overtaken and ended in addiction, Cory Monteith the well-known star of "Glee".  Drug addiction is a sad, tragic reality, but today I want to share on a specific type of addiction that is (in my humble opinion) more harmful and destructive.  I am talking about men who struggle with sexual addiction.  Why do I know or feel compelled to address SUCH a sensitive topic?

Because my husband struggles with sexual addiction.                            

I have to be honest, I am very nervous and hesitant about sharing this with you all today, because I have never written on this topic on my own personal blog for a variety of reasons.  They include and are not limited to the shame and embarrassment I feel as a wife/for my husband, I wonder if people who follow and read my stuff would judge me and/or husband/our marriage...you get the idea.  It's tough stuff.  But I also reflected on how much I didn't understand or feel prepared to handle this at the time with only being married for just over a year.  I never knew just how MANY men (good Christian men) struggle with sexual integrity.  There have been many time over this year I felt ill-equipped to understand and know how to handle it all...and in talking with my husband, I have wanted to share my perspective and experience, with the main goal of helping other women who are in similar situations as I have been in.  I have talked and prayed about this with my husband, and he has willingly agreed to me writing this piece.

I knew my husband struggled with chastity before we married.  Honestly I didn't really understand it; why he felt the need to act out by looking at pornography or masturbating from time to time.  I honestly figured if he didn't really say much about how he was doing, that meant he was fine.

Six months into our marriage, my husband was in his last semester of grad school.  Between his internship, class load, and money being really tight his stress level went up.  For men who struggle this way (as I am learning), when they feel such tension stress it can provoke them to act out.  Shortly after the new year, Ken shared with me it was getting hard to remain chaste; he was acting out more masturbating and looking at porn.  He also had gotten a medical marijuana license to help "deal" with his stress and unpleasant feelings.  I was so hurt, shocked, and devastated.  So many feelings and thoughts just running through my head, and yet, at the same time, I also just felt numb.

This past winter was really. hard.

LOTS of yelling, fighting, crying, sleepless nights, going to bed angry...you get the idea.  There was a part of me that was SO mad at God, too.  I thought I knew who I married.  I married a good Catholic man, we waited till our wedding night, we prayed together regularly, we both loved Jesus, etc.

How the hell does this happen?? How could I have been so naive??

But, somehow we have and are making it through...not surviving but also recovering together and thriving.

My husband found out somehow that there is a weekly support group for men who struggle with sexual integrity at a Catholic Church just miles from us.  How amazing is it we are so close to it!  I've also started going to the weekly group that meets to help the wives of these spouses work through and deal with their own recovery process of it all.  It has been really really hard for me sometimes to talk and share about all this deep stuff in my marriage.  But I feel safe and really know that these women of anybody would understand and not judge me.  I've become close too with one of the group leaders, and she has become a second mom to me in helping me process and understand it all.

We have a found a great marriage counselor whom we both feel comfortable with; someone who holds each of us accountable and calls us out in a tough love way when needed. He is challenging both of us in area's of selfishness and forgiveness, and it has been a really good experience for us both.

Ken has also begun seeing a therapist to help him better understand himself and the wounds of his past that have impacted his acting out behavior.  He is growing in being more open by having accountability partners and taking preventive means by setting up things on the computer to help him in potential moments of temptation.

Our start to marriage has been much harder than I ever imagined form so early on.  And trust me I still have plenty to work and address with myself related to all of this...I struggle a lot with forgiveness and trust.  I have begun reading an excellent book called "Codependent No More" which is illuminating the self-destructive ways I try to 'help' my husband in being controlling but learning actually how that does the total opposite.  I am learning SO much from attending the group for wives, and some weeks it is just totally overwhelming to me.  I've come home several times in tears; crying over hearing the sad stories of women who are in marriages of 15-20 years, but sadly their spouse doesn't see or refuses to admit that he has a problem...I just cannot imagine living that way.

Yes my husband isn't perfect and struggles this way, BUT he has come a long way.  He is open and committed to doing all he can to be on a path of healing and recovery; not only for himself, but for me, our marriage, and our future children.  And seeing all his hard work challenges and calls me on to work harder to grow in selflessness and true forgiveness towards him...to work on my own weaknesses so I can better become the wife he needs me to be to support, love, and encourage him. It has been really hard, and there is a lot of work ahead of the both of us.  But we both are so thankful that our relationship is so strongly built on a deep love of Christ and our Catholic faith; because honestly, those two things have been the spiritual super glue that has kept us going through it all. 

Are we out of the woods yet?  No of course not, and I know that.  I know all the stats of how much hard work it takes for both a husband and wife to survive and thrive through something like this. We made promises, a covenant with each other and God.  And we have been and will continue to be given grace to live this sacrament of marriage together well.  As we look back at things since the new year, we can see the glimmers of hope and grace; God leading us to the right people and places to help both of us.  Praise God, for allowing us to face this now rather than 20 years from know like some of the women in the group I go to.  And to really begin healing for both of us before we have children of our own.

If you know of a friend/sister/niece who is in a marriage where he spouse struggles with sexual addiction, please pray and offer sacrifices for her.  Do not judge her or her husband or her marriage, she doesn't need to feel more shame than I am certain she already does.  Encourage her to begin her own path of healing and recovery; seek out a good Christian counselor and find a support group for wives.  Share this post with her; it so important for her to know she is NOT alone fighting this fight.  I know for me I felt very alone at times, and finding women who understand, love, and accept me has been so helpful for me personally.

As I said, I have some anxiety about sharing this online, but if my story can help another wife than that is another good that has come from this struggle.  

I want to share and witness that yes even though addiction has taken a toll on marriage, you can find hope and heal in the face of addiction.  God is doing something to my husband and I through this; He is strengthening our resolve and softening our hearts towards each other. 

And I'm here to tell you there is hope and healing that can be found through it all.

What's the first song you danced to as husband and wife?
I've Got You Under My Skin by Frank Sinatra... we love the oldie tunes!

Fill in the blank: "When it comes to most things, he definitely wears the pants in the marriage.  But when it comes to _____, my husband may as well wear a dress."
Cleaning the bathrooms... poor guy, he doesn't get it that toilets need to be cleaned more than once a month! 

What is a dream you and your spouse share for your future?
To some day own a house... pay off my school debt... and have children together :)

What do you admire most about your significant other?
Honestly, his love of Jesus.  It was what most attracted me to him when we first met.  We take seriously together as a family a combined family prayer life and nurturing each others relationship with Jesus.

About Tammy*

Tammy blogs about her great loves: faith, food, family, & the fun she has along the way.  {Oh, and she's a Coca-Cola person!  My kind of woman!}  She's been married a little over a year to her sweetheart, Ken*.  She has got so much to share and I am so happy to have found her little corner here in the blog world!  It took a great deal of courage and poise to articulate the strength and struggles of her marriage; thank you SO much for blessing me and the rest of us with your story.

*Tammy and Ken's names have been changed in order to keep some anonymity.

Marriage Monday: Ryanne's Guest Post - 5 Lessons from 5 Years

My husband and I are very blessed to be celebrating the five year anniversary of our marriage this month. By comparison, five years isn't really all that long. But a lot happens in five years--every year brings new blessings and challenges that grow and change us.

Be conscious of how you treat one another.

You would think this is a given. I mean, you love each other right? Unfortunately, we're human so sometimes we fail. Sometimes we allow outside stresses to get to us, and we take it out on each other. For some reason, we consider our spouse (maybe just subconsciously) to be an easy target for us to unleash our frustrations and disappointments. But guess what--it's not necessarily their fault. Let's be honest--sometimes it really can be your spouse's fault. But is it really their fault all the time? Just make sure that you aren't treating each other badly because your boss was a jerk or something like that. And APOLOGIZE for it when it happens. On that note...

Pick your battles.

 Not everything needs to be a big deal. I don't think I need to say too much more on this one, but you would be surprised at how many couples I know who get into repeated, vicious arguments over every. little. thing. In my opinion, if you nag your spouse constantly or turn everything into a fight that just totally diminishes things when the big things do come up--because they DO come up. That doesn't mean you shouldn't bring up things that bother you--just don't turn it into a knock-down-drag-out when your hubby doesn't put the toilet paper on right.

Always remember that you're a team.

 No matter what life throws at you, you are a team. Fighting for something--be it to get pregnant, eliminate debt, save for a big vacation, to get healthy--can be incredibly uniting. But the road to what you want is not always smooth and easy. So when trouble comes, don't let it divide you. Especially when it is something that causes an extremely individual reaction to what is happening.

Appreciate your relationship.

Never take what you have for granted. It is so easy to do, but we have got to avoid it because everything we know could be gone in an instant. A few months ago, my husband was in a bad car accident. His injuries were not life threatening, and he was not paralyzed. He has gotten better, and can do everything he used to. But that whole experience rocked our world to the core and made us realize that we really aren't invincible. I'll never, ever forget that moment when he called me and I realized that something was wrong. At that moment, we didn't know that he was going to be okay. We are blessed that he was. Anyway, don't ever forget that it only takes a moment to change everything. So cherish what you have and don't just assume that it will all be there tomorrow.

You might not want to hear this, but marriage is work.

Just like you can't expect to stay healthy and fit without investing time and effort into yourself, you also can't expect your marriage to be great without any work. Sometimes work means setting aside time for each other to stay connected. Sometimes work means a lot more than that. Life is an imperfect adventure and we are flawed human beings. Challenges are a part of any life and relationship, so take them in stride and work through them one day at a time. Lean on each other, build each other up, and hang in there--it gets better.



A year ago, I wouldn't have given you these answers. It's amazing how much a year can change you. This year Chris and I bought a house, went through his accident, approached our doctor about the "next step" with fertility testing, and experienced a miscarriage. It has been a crazy roller coaster of emotions and experiences; and there have been many highs and lows for us. But a year changes a lot, and I'm excited to see what this next year brings us and our marriage. Embrace change, cherish each other, and enjoy the ride.

What do you admire most about your significant other? Oh so many things. I most admire what he does to take care of us and our future as a family. He is a good provider and is solid and steady that way. He is building a plan for his career, so that he can have a job he enjoys that allows him to spend time with our family. It's a pretty awesome thing to be a part of, as he goes out on his own after building so many years of gaining experience and a vision working for other people.

What was your first dance song?  My Best Friend by Tim McGraw. But in retrospect, it was a bad choice because I'm not really even a Tim McGraw fan (even though I love the song!), and Chris definitely isn't! Strangely enough, the last song of the night was the one I have the best memories of --we danced to "Tuesday's Gone" by Lynyrd Synyrd. (long story of how that started. lol.) We actually try to get it played at the end of the night at every wedding we attend now--including the one we were at before Chris' accident! It's kind of become a "thing" for us. :-)

Describe your significant other in 3 words. 3 words...just three? Practical, loyal, quiet

What is the worst thing that happened on your wedding day, if anything? Our photographer was just not what she made herself out to be. Not spending more on our pictures is my biggest regret! I would redo our whole wedding just to have better pictures.

Ryanne's Blog:  A Method in the Madness
As you've gathered, Ryanne is the wife of her husband, Chris.  She's mommy to her heavenly angel as well as her two fur-babies: their kitty, Jaye & pup, Kinley.  Ryanne has impacted me with her grace and perspective through the struggles she's faced through the ups & downs of trying to conceive, her husband's accident, and her recent miscarriage.  Ryanne reminds me that when things get tough, you can be upset or hurt and still manage to hold onto a positive outlook.  Thanks for sharing the powerful things you've learned in the last five years of being a newlywed!  Come back whenever you'd like!!!  And Happy 5th Anniversary!

Marriage Monday: Jennifer's Guest Post - Becoming a Wife

September 17th of this year, my husband LT and I will be married two years.  It seems like yesterday I was putting on my wedding gown and preparing to walk down the isle and begin the next chapter of my life.  It was a day that will always be in my memory.  It was perfect.  The weather, the ceremony, the reception.  I couldn't have asked for a better day.


Planning our perfect day was all but perfect.  We got engaged in December of 2010 and decided on a date of early November the following year.  We set the date and started planning right away.  Everything was going great until early January 2011.  LT found out some of the worst news of his life.  His father had stage 4 melanoma.


After a few months of treatment that didn't seem to be working, the doctors decided that he only had about 6 months to live, so we did what we thought was right and moved up the wedding date.  What I thought was about a year to plan quickly turned in to about 6 months.  To say that I was stressed was an understatement.  As much as I wanted to be excited about planning my wedding, I wasn't.  In the back of my mind I knew that my soon to be father-in-law probably wouldn't be there to see his oldest son become a husband.


It was the hardest few months of my life.  I had to become a wife before I was actually a wife.  The majority of our time was spent traveling back and forth to Kentucky to spend time with his dad.  So not only was I planning a wedding, but I was also having to quickly learn how to be a wife and be there for my soon-to-be husband during one of the hardest things he would ever have to go through.  It was painful to see my husband so hurt.


In June of that year his father went to be with the Lord.  It was difficult and a relief all at the same time.  His dad wasn't suffering anymore, but now we were devastated.  How was I supposed to finish planning this wonderful day of ours, when my husband was so hurt?  I had so many mixed emotions.


Finishing up the wedding plans was so hard.  But when the day finally came, I felt I could breathe a little easier.  All those hard months of planning had paid off.  I was about to marry my husband.


Yesterday was not only father's day, but also the 2 year anniversary of my father in laws death.  I think it was more difficult for me than it was for my husband.  I was scared to death to even mention the word "father" yesterday.  But I'm so proud of my husband because he did great.


So where am I going with this?  Becoming a wife was a difficult process for me.  I had to learn how to be a wife before I was actually a "wife".  But do we ever get to that point where we are the perfect wife?  We never do.  Like marriage, being a wife is never a perfect job.  It constantly takes work.  Here are a few tips that I have written down that really help me understand what is means to be a wife:


Get your priorities straight.  This is the most important tip.  Always put God as your number one and your husband as your number two.  Yes this means that your children come third.  I know that will cause an uproar with some people, but it's true.  And that's not my rule it's God's.  Once you get your priorities in order, things will start to fall into place.


Keep your promise.  Marriage is not just an agreement or a contract.  It's a promise.  A promise to you, your husband and to God.  A promise that is not to be broken.  It's a promise that takes work, and we must remember that God is not going to put anything in front of us that we can't handle.  


Make your husband happy.  This is a big one girls.  Remember, your husband comes before yourself.  Think about what makes your husband happy.  Do things for him.  It doesn't have to be big things.  It's usually the little things that mean the most.  My husband loves to play golf, I'm not a big fan, but every once in a while I'll go with him and it thrills him.


Don't talk bad about him.  Let's be honest.  Our husbands drive us nuts sometimes.  It's easy to have a girl's night and bash our husbands over a few glasses of wine, but it's wrong.  I will be the first to admit that I'm guilty of doing this.  We all are.  Let's make a promise to ourselves to work on this one.  Praise your husbands.  Think about it this way, God is our number one, but what would he think if  we bashed him everytime we got together with our friends?

Be honest with him.  If you don't like something tell him.  Communicate with him.  Tell him how you feel.  Your husband is your best friend, and you should be able to tell him anything.


Have fun with him.  Laugh with your husband.  Having fun with him is so important.  Be goofy, and silly!  God loves to see you happy.

Pray for him.  You should do this everyday, multiple times a day.  As the head of the household, your husband needs prayer.  

Being a wife takes work.  It's not something that comes natural to anybody.  Make yourself a promise today to become a better wife.  To become a Godly wife. 

xoxo,

Jennifer

Jennifer's Blog:  Sweet Southern Wife
As you may have already established, Jennifer is a wife - but she is also a mama to her two fur-babies, Zoe & Tucker.  She's from North Carolina and blogs about life as a Christian as well as everyday happenings with her husband.  Right away after stumbling upon her blog, I knew I had to ask her to guest blog for the marriage series!  Jennifer is so easy to relate to and has such a great sense of humor.  Not only that, but she takes her marriage seriously and their relationship is a priority - both things that would allow her to gain experience and knowledge that would be wonderful to share with all of us!  Thanks for stopping by, Jennifer!  You're most welcome back anytime.

Marriage Monday: Brittney's Guest Post - Life After "I Do"

I was so honored when Ali asked me to guest post about marriage on this sweet blog. It is also fitting since this past month, the month of May, was our 6 year anniversary.

To choose marriage is to choose love.  To choose love is to choose both life and death, like a flame that both keeps you warm and burns you.  To keep our heart’s soft towards one another is a choice.  I want to remember it all, the good, the bad, and the ugly.  I choose this because this is the truth of marriage, motherhood, life period.  And I believe with all my heart that the truth is what keeps our hearts soft towards one another.

Don’t keep a record of wrongs.  But remember that real love is a battle field in which you get to make love and produce life.  Real love, love between two people who choose to work it out, to fight it out, it gets messy more times than it doesn’t.

I think that sometimes when it starts to look bad we think - Oh No! It’s all over!  We start to give up in our hearts.  There are real legit reasons for this sometimes, a heart can only handle so much right?!  Sometimes it's because we compare to others way to much not finding the beauty and passion in our own love story, all by itself.  We become jealous of others and discontent in our own love story and loose all our fight.

My dad use to say, “Keep your heart soft. Because you divorce in your heart long before you sign the papers.” Or something a long those lines.  That point is like the bible says... 

“Where your heart is, there you will be also!”

Listen, I love my husband and he loves me.  I love him more now than I did 6 years ago when I said, “I do.”  But don’t be fooled that there are not days or even weeks where we have to make a choice each morning when we wake up.  We have to simply or not so simply choose to love each other.

I don’t know if you are a praying person or not but I have to share with you the power in praying for your mate.  My best friend once gave me the profound advice to pray for my husband.  In the busyness of life, in anger or frustration, or just simply forgetting was I really praying for him?  When I started to think about how much I was really praying for him, it was not a lot!  I’m still getting in the habit.  But when I do remember to love on him in this way, praying for him, the Lord changes both me and him.  He gives me more love and patience for my husband and my husband listens to me more.  Funny how that works.

Being married teaches us so much about the Lord!

There are times I just list, in my head or on paper, all the things I love about my husband and all the different ways he shows me love.  Even though he may not have shown me love in all the ways I dreamed up in my head DOES NOT mean that he did not/does not show me love!  Often he does not do things the way I would do them, very often.  This can make me so, so, so mad.  I don’t hide my anger well or maybe at all.  He is often the bigger man.

I am utterly thankful for him in more ways than I can count.  He, we, I are not perfect and far from it!  But we keep fighting.  Fighting to be honest, to be real, to keep our hearts soft, and to take our thoughts and hearts captive when they do not love.  We choose to fight it out, to make up and to choose love.  To choose death of our selves and in that very process finding ourselves.

I am truly in love with my husband and I choose to be in love with him even when I want to run!

It’s not a lust or a feeling

It’s not based on good or bad

Pretty or ugly

Sexy or easy

Perfect or imperfect

I made a choice on May 12, 2007 to love Luke for the rest of my days and I choose to do so.

Whatever it looks like.

 

This is not a fairytale or a fantasy, its real life, My life.  My love is not a book or movie, but it is in my hands, tangible.  This is my life and my love story and I am determined to write it with bravery, determination, with a heart that will not give up and most of all LOVE.

Brittney's Blog: Brittney's Rabbit Hole

Wife to Luke and mama(x3) to kiddos affectionately known as Sissy, Bubbo, & Blue (who are better known to the world as Hadassah, Judah, & Levi) Brittney writes about the various loves of her life - family, photography, fashion, adoption, and so much more.  I'm so thankful to have stumbled upon her blog and continue to enjoy getting to know her through her writing.  Thank you so much for sharing the beauty of marriage as well as the realities we so often face.  I hope to always remember that marriage is a choice we are so blessed to make over and over again each and every morning!

Marriage Monday: Sarah's Guest Post - Just the Two of Us

Let me start by saying I do NOT have an independent personality. At all. I've never lived alone, never seen a movie by myself or eaten by myself in a restaurant and my friends will tell you that I always had someone with me to even go to the bathroom throughout high school and college. Yes, I was that girl. I thrive when I'm around others and the majority of the happiest moments in my life have included family and friends in some way or another. Maybe it's because I'm an extrovert. Maybe it's because I often find boredom in solitude. But whatever it is, the move to Cleveland, Ohio was a big one for me.

Sure I had been with Derek for over 7 years, but do you know how many people we knew up here? Zero. A big fat zilch. In fact, I really didn't know anyone in the entire state of Ohio. Our friends and family were mostly 13+ hours away and worse, I would be working from home. It's was nice gig, but there wouldn't be co-workers to meet or friends to be made through a new employer. It would be me, the dogs and Derek for the first year up here. Needless to say, it was rough. We had no one. Thankfully I was pregnant for a large part of it and our wonderful marriage remained flawless, but I can't deny the toll it took on my heart.

My mother-in-law always used to tell me that she credits her strong relationship with my father-in-law to living so far from family and having to raise children on their own. It wasn't until I had Drew up here that I understood. As much as I longed to be near friends and family, envious of pictures and events across social media sites, it only made our marriage that much stronger. Sure Derek had some work friends, but ultimately it was just the two of us. We HAD only each other to rely on and we had to create our own weekend entertainment. And it's only now that I can look back and be thankful.

It was because of those times together that we still look at each other and say that we have an amazing marriage. We respect each other more than ever and aren't just great friends. We are each other's best friends. Period. When Derek decided to jump on a different career path knowing we could end up anywhere in the U.S., I was extremely hesitant. I wish I could go back now and tell myself 3 years ago that it will be ok. You'll eventually make friends and your marriage will only strengthen more than it already was. Moving away will be ok.

Now in our 4th year here, we've done more in 2013 with various friends than we probably did in the first 2 years combined. We now have daycare friends, Jayhawk friends, neighbor friends, blog friends, library group friends and more. We have enjoyed quite a few night outs with babysitters and I have finally found 'my place' here in good 'ole Ohio. Despite my fears of being so far from family, I have a wonderful life and am in love with our little family unit. Sure, it's nice being with friends and having a social life, but in the end it comes down to just the two of us. Period.

Sarah's blog: Our Journey
Sarah, wife to Derek and mama to Drew, shares her experiences in her various roles and includes the occasional yummy recipe and running post!  She's also mom to her two beautiful furry babies, Lacy & Bailey.  Sarah and Derek are getting ready to celebrate their EIGHTH wedding anniversary next month, how amazing and fortunate are they?  Thanks for sharing part of your story with us, Sarah - congratulations to the two of you & here's to many more happy years!

Marriage Monday: Stephany's Guest Post - The Waiting Period

My desire for marriage is never something I've doubted. I've always known I want to find that person I want to be with for the rest of my life and create a family. I firmly believe God has placed a desire for marriage on my heart and I'm trusting Him with my love story.

But it's not always easy and I have many days, weeks, and months where I feel so frustrated with being single and so ready for this waiting period of my life to be over. I'm tired of being the single girl in the group, tired of not having anything to add when my friends complain about husbands and marriage and raising kids. It gets lonely and there are times when I wonder if I'll ever be the girl to wear a white dress, walk down an aisle, and say "I do."

I'm not naive to the pressures of marriage. I know the divorce rate. I hear the complaints. I know it's not roses and butterflies all the time. Marriage is hard work and requires a lot of compromise and dedication to your partner. You have to grow as your partner grows, grow into new seasons of your marriage and have the ability to change as it changes. 

But you get to be with the love of your life. Your person. Your best friend, the one you're meant to be with, your soulmate. You get to wake up next to them and have adventures with them and watch them grow into a person you love more and more each day. Marriage is an incredible thing that we get to experience. It's worth all the hard work. 

As a single girl, marriage seems like this unattainable state. I want it. Some days, I even crave it. But it feels like that part of my life is so far away that it's hard to imagine myself as a wife.

One of my ways of coping with being single, especially during the harder moments, is writing letters to my future husband. I began doing this three years ago as a way of writing down all my fears, desires, and needs at the moment. I wanted to have a record of my thoughts during my season of waiting. I wanted to have these letters that I wrote to my husband when I had no clue who he was. I'm not consistent in how I write or when I write... just whenever my spirit moves me to do so. Sometimes, the letters are bursting with hope and life and happiness. And sometimes, they are not. Sometimes, they are dark and moody and filled with raw honesty of my heart at some moment in time. These letters are as much for me as they are for him. They are to remind me of the man I will give these letters to. They are to remind me that God would not place this desire if He didn't intend to see it through to completion.

Right now, I know I am meant to be in this stage of my life. The waiting period, as we're so apt to declare it. Being single has its benefits. It's a time when I can focus just on me - on my desires and needs and wants. I can grow by myself, without having to worry about leaving anyone behind. I am free to follow my heart wherever it may take me. I can be unabashedly selfish with my time and put all my attention on me. As a single girl, I am choosing to honor myself and my values by being true to my beliefs and not falling for the first guy who shows me any kind of attention. It means being picky about who I spend my time with and what dates to go on. It means finding my truth, honing my strengths, and learning to love me as me. 

It can be hard to be single, especially as it seems like I'm not following the path I should be on. With friends all around me getting married and having babies (my best friend from high school is already a married mother of two!), I can feel so far behind the curve. I lose friends because we're in different seasons of our life and as year by year goes by with no interesting prospects, it can make me wonder if there is something wrong with me. If I'm not doing enough or being enough for the perfect guy to fall in love with me.

But here is the truth of this life we live. We are meant to be where we are right now. I am meant to be single. There is a reason God has called me to a time of waiting. Perhaps I'm just not ready to be a wife just yet. I still have growing to do. It was never my path to get married at a young age. I always had a feeling I would be an older bride, but that's okay. There is nothing wrong with singlehood. There is nothing wrong with being alone and taking my time with this dating thing. 

In essence, we are all in the place God wants us to be. There are times when He will push us to do more and spread out to new beginnings and changes in our lives, but He's always there guiding us. God is always there, guiding us, helping us, and showing us that when we follow in His footsteps, we are on the best path we could ever hope to be on.

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One of my absolute favorite segments across the entire blog-world is Stephany's letters to her future husband and once I heard that she set a goal for herself to guest blog 50 times in 2013, I jumped at the chance for her to share her story with my readers here!  Thank you so very much Stephany for sharing about your prospective and life with us.  I'm certainly cheering you on in this waiting period.

You can find Stephany's blog here:  Stephany Writes

Marriage Monday: Head over "To the Sea"

This week's Marriage Monday entry is a little different this week.  After winning a giveaway last month that was hosted by one of my favorite bloggers, Erica, she asked me to guest blog and I was super happy to oblige!

You can check out my guest blog (here).  It's a little about our life since we said "I do!" and more specifically, about dealing with postpartum depression after the birth of Miss Presley Rose.  And while you are there you can get to know Erica as well!

I hope you enjoy it and leave some feedback!  It's not the easiest subject to open up about but is certainly a topic that deserves a conversation or two.

If you'd like to contribute to a future Marriage Monday, shoot me an e-mail.

Marriage Monday: Sarah T.'s Guest Blog - I said "Yes!"

Happy Marriage Monday, everybody!  I figured I'd keep today's Marriage Monday as light and airy as possible after the heavy week we all had last week - and how much better could it get to share one of the happiest days of someones life?

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I am a sister, daughter, friend, runner, fiance, home owner, crocheter, pastor, reader, traveler, misplaced South Dakotan, golden retriever lover, lover of all things Disney, wanna be photographer, coffee lover, shutterfly addict, northern Minnesotan, swimming lessons instructor, and above all else a beloved child of God. I am engaged to Marc. We met while both living and working in a strange place that we both have now grown to love and call home. We both thought we'd get up to northern Minnesota, work for as long as we had to and then get out. However, we met each other, we have gotten some amazing friends who are now like family, love our jobs, and minus this nasty winter we even love our area of Minnesota.

It was an amazing August Saturday for me. I had gotten up early and driven north to run a 10k. I ran an amazing race - seriously - I hit a personal record despite what I thought was a lack in training. I was on cloud nine from slashing my previous best. I arrived back at my house to find Marc and Dakota playing in the yard when he asked about my race and my plans for the rest of the day [the race began around 7:00 am and I was back to my house by 10:00]. In the midst of my jello legs and desperate need for a shower I agreed to quick shower, grab a quick lunch, and head to one of our favorite parks to spend the afternoon.

After a good lunch and a twenty minute drive we arrived at Fritz Loven Park, armed with my Nikon D60, a dog ready to run and play, and some excitement to spend the afternoon outside we unloaded from my car. As we were getting out Marc took out his hiking pack [his big pack that he uses to go backpacking for a week or so], which I sort of found strange and he gave some some line about how he wanted to get used to the pack [I had just gotten him a new one for his birthday a couple months prior] and get his straps adjusted just right. [I know how great it is to have the pack fit perfectly and have the straps in all the right places, I thought why not get it adjusted before we are seriously hiking and hauling way more gear.]

We began winding our way through the park, it was a beautiful day, the sun was shining, there were only two other cars in the parking lot [and we never saw anyone else], the creek was flowing slow enough that I could let Dakota swim in it, I was floating on cloud nine from an amazing morning run, and it was a gorgeous day. 

 

 As we walked along the paths next to the creek we threw sticks for Dakota to chase and I was snapping away on the camera, the leaves were gorgeous, and the flowers were bright and full. Eventually we found ourselves in the back of the park, we stopped to let Dakota play for a bit and to take it all in. 

 

I was shooting away on my camera and loving life. I was turning this way and that way to get pictures of everything - I couldn't get enough of the day. Eventually I heard Marc cough a little and I looked down and saw he was on the ground but didn't really process what was happening, in my mind he was tying his shoe or looking at something on the ground.

I kept taking pictures above him and around him, eventually he really caught my attention and I looked and realized he was down on his knee. I can't actually tell you what he said in that moment, I don't think I actually remember, I remember thinking at one point that I couldn't believe that this was actually happening, Marc kept talking and eventually said something along the lines of "will you marry me" and of course I said "yes". He stood up and we hugged and kissed.

 After a couple moments Marc and I were both laughing at according to him "how long I left him on his knee" we continue to laugh about it from time to time. It was a glorious day.

We agreed to soak it all in and enjoy the afternoon before calling anyone. We went back to my place, fired up the grill, and began the process of calling many of our friends and family.

 We are getting married up here on June 8, 2013 at the church I serve alongside.

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Sarah blogs over at "And So I Give Thanks: A Glimpse Into My Everyday Holy" about her life as a nearly-newlywed with under two months until she ties the knot to her hubby-to-be, Marc.  You can keep up with her exciting journey and send her some good wishes for her upcoming nuptials!

If you'd like to contribute to an upcoming post on a marriage-related topic, e-mail me at 20may2011@gmail.com

Marriage Mondays: A Marriage Covenant

Well, you might be curious as to why I am talking about Monday when it is Tuesday...

Once a week, I want to focus on a topic I feel very enthusiastic about these days and that is marriage.  Every marriage.  It's so very easy to get swept up into the monotony of the day-to-day and forget just how important it is to acknowledge our significant others and their need to feel special.  If we married folks don't start supporting our spouses and our marriages, who will?  Tony and I have been married just under two years and it's funny how quickly that "wedded bliss" magic wears off... not just within our marriage but our "magical" appeal to others.

And that is absolutely okay!  It is unrealistic to go into a marriage expecting to stay on that honeymoon high for the rest of our lives.  Because without the valleys we can't have the peaks now can we?  It is important to me that Tony and I actively care for our marriage; to make being together fun and functional.  It is important to me to support our friends and family members' marriages to aid in health and happiness.  It's important to me to be a light for those who are moving towards marriage in the future, even in the slightest way.

So, for the first (belated) Marriage "Monday", I am going to talk about one of my favorite relationship therapists, Phillip McGraw.  This would be no other than Dr. Phil!  I have partially read and participated in the activities he lays out in his book "Relationship Rescue" with Tony and would love to start again and finish it in 2013!  You hear "rescue" and you immediately think of a troubled relationship.  While it is certainly meant to help relationships that are suffering, it is also intended to refurbish happy and content relationships as well.  I highly recommend getting the book (you can find it on Amazon for $.01 + shipping!) and working on it simultaneously with your spouse.

One thing that I absolutely look forward to is constructing a marriage covenant between Tony and I (and God) and getting it up in our home to be a focal point of our lives.  I think it's a beautiful and intimate thing to share the goals in our hearts with one another - to say them out loud - and to compose goals and plans to aid, strengthen, and guide our marriage through all things.

The marriage covenant will be all about defining your relationship in terms of your hopes, dreams and commitments. It can become like the North Star — a reference point upon which you can constantly focus to keep your relationship on track.

Dr. Phil, Relationship Rescue - a marriage covenant

I think this is a fabulous opportunity to bond with your significant other - whether or not marriage is a part of that relationship.  But enough about what I think - what do you think?  Do you and your significant other have a covenant, motto, or creed that you identify with?  Do you plan on creating one?  I'd love to hear your thoughts and ideas!

If you would like to contribute to "Marriage Mondays" in any capacity, I welcome you to contact me at 20may2011{at}gmail{dot}com - whether you'd like to guest blog on a topic you feel passionate about, maybe you have a story from your own marriage you wouldn't mind sharing with me so I can mention it in an upcoming blog, or if you come across an article you think might be helpful to others... I would be grateful to hear from you!