No Looking Back!

It's February 11th today... that means exactly 9 days until my BABY turns two years old!  And after that, there is no looking back.  She will never be one again!  I am so excited for her being two and beyond... to watch her become a big sister... for her to master things like jumping and maybe start the earliest stages of swimming... to go from a crib to a toddler bed... to start having favorites and all those fun, crazy things that two year olds do.  (Notice: Not on my list of things I'm looking forward to is potty training.  The thought of it scares the hell out of me.  But, hopefully that will come too.)  Expect a supremely sappy birthday post sometime next week... assuming I can hold it in that long!

Presley's first time sliding by herself!

This happy girl sang her aunt Ashie a happy birthday! It was the sweetest. 
This is a still from the video we sent Ashley.

Other news?  I think I have tentatively ruled out fixer-upper homes.  Ideally, it would be a fantastic idea, experience, and investment - but when you consider where we are currently ("homeless" with one baby and another on the way) I just don't think it's an option for us.  If it doesn't have EVERY thing we want and there are projects we'd like to do down the road -sure!- but we are going to focus on homes that already have the basics and that are move-in ready.  Coming to that conclusion has given me a great deal of peace in this process.  While there are still so many unknowns for us and plenty of decisions to make, I am happy to have one decision tentatively checked off.  Next up?  What part of the Midsouth are we going to live in?!  So many options!

We are looking in the Memphis area for a home - this includes so many areas... Bartlett, Cordova, Germantown, Midtown, Downtown, Collierville, Oakland, Lakeland, and then there are the cities just off the Tennessee border in Mississippi... Olive Branch, Southaven, etc!  Granted, we've narrowed it down beyond that initial list... I still feel like we have so many options and they are all so very different.  Different style homes, different taxes, different schools, different commutes.  There are strong pros and cons in each city we are looking in.  When we were still navigating the loan process I viewed these choices as more stressful than they were exciting but now that we are READY to buy - I am getting more and more excited with each new hopeful.

Tomorrow Presley and I, along with our fabulous realtor, are going to check out the second round of houses - this time in a totally separate area than the last.  We will hopefully be scouting out four just like we did the last time.  I plan to share some of my favorite things and additional observations about these homes, too.  I am trying so hard not to get my hopes up because anything could happen... but I really really really feel like one of these four houses could become our home.  My friend Lindsey said that when they were looking for homes they had a list of expectations for their home - both needs and wants - and the way that they picked "the one" was going by that list.  Well, these next houses seriously have so many of those things for us.  I look forward to writing a blog later in the week that includes what we are looking for in this home!

Other excitement for this week?  We're going to get Presley's BIRTHDAY pictures done today!  I gave her a bath before naptime this afternoon and guess what happened?  Right before Presley got out she slipped and smacked the entire side of her face.  When I put her down it was still red so I wonder if that will make the photos!  I'm so excited for the results of these pictures and can't wait for you guys to see her sweet outfit.

Another thing I am just busting at the seems about is going to see WICKED with my mother-in-law, Selena, tomorrow evening!!!!  I saw it in Chicago in 2005 with my Aunt Donna and I was absolutely blown away by it.  So much so that when I saw it was coming to Memphis I knew there was no way I wouldn't be going to it and I am beyond excited for Selena to see what it's all about.  I am also excited to see how it compares to the first time I saw it.

Here is Presley with her Papa Mike & Grandmommy Selena at lunch Sunday... this is after we looked at the four houses from the post earlier in the week! So very thankful for my in-laws support and input throughout this process.

Then, later this week, we will have to chance to visit my sister and future brother-in-law!  They live about 5 hours away so they are just close enough for a trip but just far enough to not do it regularly so this is special for us!!!  And next week?  Well, we just might be finding out if baby 2 is a HE or SHE!  And then there is Presley's birthday and birthday party!!!  It seems like there are so many exciting things going on right now and so many things bringing us joy and anticipation right now.  I've got to remember to pace myself and not get too worked up about everything because it's those moments that when things don't go the way I planned it can be pretty upsetting... so just have to stay positive!

Presley, Baby 2, & I last week visiting Selena at work! 
I'm just about 18 weeks here.

Hope to be back later in the week with some positive news and that in the meantime you are having a spectacular week as well - I'd love to hear about it!!!  And for those of you who have sent me well wishes, advice, or just to let me know that we've been in your thoughts throughout the first time homebuying process - I appreciate you more than you may be aware.  None of it is unsolicited or unwanted in any way and I take your words of wisdom to heart.  Putting myself out there and giving you all specifics on our current situation is so that I can get your feedback - so I hope you know I TRULY appreciate every word of it.  So thank you friends and family... I love you guys so much and only hope to be a blessing in your life like you have been in mine!

House hunting!

As some of you know, my husband and I are in the process of first time home buying.  We're finally at the point where our loan has been approved and are starting to look at homes.  We look at four gorgeous houses today and it made me realize how excited I really am to move forward.  It's been a little tough trying to find the area we want to settle down in but that'll eventually fall into place.  I wanted to write about all four houses that we saw today and get some feedback!

House #1:  Built in 2003, single story home, 3BD 2BA.  This one is bank-owned and will need some TLC.  The previous owners smoked inside the house so the vents were in need of a deep clean.  It'll need new paint to get the smell out, new carpet, and just needs to be deep cleaned everywhere.  Because they are selling this "as is" the price is pretty low.  Oh, and there is a really weird, huge shed in the back yard.  But the yard is fenced in.  I honestly don't remember much else from this property.

House #2:  Built in 1996, single story home, 4BD 2BA.  My mother-in-law & I really loved this one and is move-in ready.  The house isn't very big - and therefore neither are the rooms - but it is enough for us. I fell in love with the open concept den and kitchen area complete with a real fireplace!  BEAUTIFUL.  The rooms spill into one another so when you are cooking or doing dishes, you don't feel closed off from everyone else.  The garage is a big, spacious one.  New roof, new carpet, new neutral paint, new hardwood flooring.  Washer/dryer fits hooks up in a hall closet, which wasn't that big of a deal.  The master bathroom was lackluster.  (I really want a jacuzzi tub and this had a tiny tiny shower/tub combo.  I know... spoiled.  Just a pipe dream!)  Other downside?  There is no back door.  In order to get to the backyard, you have to open up the garage door & go out from there.  Which I honestly didn't even notice until our realtor pointed it out.  WEIRD.  We got to talking about it... in case of emergency, that leaves you ONE exit through the front door - if you couldn't use the garage door.  I mean, you could always go through a window, but still.  Weird.  Also, very big yard that is not fenced in.  My question is, does anyone else find the no back door thing odd?  The bedrooms also felt like they were one right on top of the other since there are 4 in a relatively small house.  (Just thinking about life with a crying baby...)  Otherwise, this place hit it out of the PARK with me.

House #3:  Built in 2005, two story home, 4BD 2BA.  This one was Tony's favorite.  It was also bank-owned and somewhat of a fixer-upper.  It would require a deep clean, new paint, and new carpets.  It also comes with an in ground pool - which adolescent me would find as a HUGE bonus, but adult me finds it as somewhat of a small bother.  3 bedrooms were downstairs and the 4th was above the garage and would be used as a playroom because it's huge.  It's a split bedroom floor plan so our bedroom is on the opposite side of the house from the kids' rooms... which is pretty nice.  The master bathroom was beautiful with a big jacuzzi tub and a separate shower.  The living room was huge and opened up into the kitchen as well, which was nice.  Separate laundry room right off of the kitchen.  Decent garage but not much attic storage.  Also has a gas fireplace.  Would require a lot of work/money before moving in which we could probably talk down the asking price as a result.  I liked the potential... but all the work it would require might stress me out because at this point I am so ready to be in our own place.

House #4:  Built in 2006, single story home, 3BD 2BA.  Move-in ready.  It had a nice size garage that opened up into the laundry room.  From there you walk into the kitchen which felt somewhat closed off from the living room (and had great cabinets).  The living room was spacious and included a gas fireplace.  It's a split bedroom floor plan so our bedroom is on the opposite side of the house from the kids' rooms... which is pretty nice.  The master bedroom was a nice size and the master bath had a jacuzzi tub and separate shower.  The bedrooms were both pretty big and the guest bathroom was beautiful.  The backyard was a pretty perfect size, was fenced in, and had a covered patio area.  I loved the laundry room and felt that it was very convenient. 

Overall, I really like the move-in ready houses because they truly feel homey.  I do like the layout of the 3rd house but all the work makes me nervous not knowing how long it would take.  These houses are all in the same town and it's somewhat on the outskirts of the city - which would require a longer commute to nearly anywhere we go.  We now have to make the decision whether that commute is okay with us or not.  The taxes are much lower and therefore we are able to get a lot more home for our money, which I love.

Big decisions coming up!  Very excited to get going and start making things happen!!!

17 Week Pregnancy Reflection (Baby 2!)

How far along?:  17 weeks & 2 days... which means there is {roughly} 22 weeks & 5 days to go!

Me, Presley & baby 2 (in womb) - photo taken by daddy today!

And here I was at 17 weeks along with Presley!

I am feeling:  much better that I was during the 1st trimester.  I am feeling anxious for all the life changes we have coming up in the next few months.  But mostly, I just feel like a mom more than I feel like I am pregnant.  I just get caught up in the day-to-day of our life that I forget to sit down and reflect on my super awesome 2nd pregnancy.

Size of the baby:  This week the baby is the size of a sweet potato!  This makes me hungry for my mom's sweet potato fluff... minus about half the sugar.  So, essentially I'm hungry for my mom's sweet potato fluff the way my sister, Amanda, makes it!  Hahaha.

Our first lady holding a sweet potato... she is one of my favorite people!

Total weight +/-:  Haaa!  Can't believe I felt the need to share this with the world last time around.  Definitely not something I want to talk about or even keep track of.  I love the freedom of just not needing to step on the scale... it's great!

Movement:  I have had several moments within the last week where I thought I felt the baby moving but nothing yet that has convinced me 100%.  I'm not going to lie, that makes me pretty nervous.  Last time around I believe I was around 16 weeks along when I felt Presley move for the first time and most of the literature I've read thus far states that 2nd-time moms usually feels kicks "sooner" than the previous pregnancy.  Greeeeat!  Trying not to worry until I concretely have anything to worry about.

What I miss most:  sleep.  Already.  I'm always tired.  I have not been sleeping great at all lately.  It doesn't help we are sharing a room with Presley for the time being or that I don't have my pregnancy pillow (it's in storage!) or that I just can't get comfortable.  I hear everything at night... their breathing and movement and all that jazz... so I finally went out today and bought some ear plugs.  It certainly can't hurt!!!  And trust me, with Presley on the other side of the bed from me, she makes very certain I hear her wake up every morning.  Usually in song!!!  It is hilarious.  I can't help but wake up and smile.

What I'm excited about:  hopefully finding a doctor in town soon once we get insurance figured out.  State insurance is taking F-O-R-E-V-E-R to kick in and Tony's benefits are non-existent until his first 90 days are up.  So in short, I have gone WAY too long without seeing a doctor.  I think I am just going to call around, see who accepts Medicaid, and go ahead and get set up before the insurance kicks in.  That way I won't be waiting around until they finally have their stuff together and they can just back pay.  I am getting way waay too nervous to go any longer without being seen.  Just a few more weeks until the gender scan is usually scheduled!!!  Don't want to miss that by too long.  I'm excited to get into a HOUSE.  I am just PRAYING that God has it in our plans to become homeowners in the month of February!!!!

Cravings:  BBQ baked potatoes!  Thank you Germantown Commissary for curing that craving!  YUM YUM!  Aside from that... still loving the freezer section garlic cheese bread... what a weirdo.  Had quite a few Quaker Oats Chocolate Chip granola bars this week as well.  All super healthy stuff, as you can see. ;)



That's about it for us here lately.  Just really need to get moving on the home-buying process but there are some hurdles we need to get over first.  After that is should be relatively smooth sailing... or so I hope!!!  Thanks to my awesome cousin, Breanne, for encouraging me to keep up with these posts and to my wonderful mother-in-law, Selena, for encouraging me to take regular photos of my belly this time around so baby 2 doesn't feel left out on the fun!!!  Love you all!

Playing Catch Up!

Good googly moogly!  I can't believe it has been so long since I last signed on here and checked in and dumped out what's been on my brain!!!!  As always... no one is going to be more sorry than myself for my lack of cataloging here lately.

SO, let's back-track a wee bit.  It has been over a month since I last wrote.  Mostly I have to thank the fact that Presley and I got the KILLER stomach virus that had been going around right before Christmas!!!  I was writing about wanting to catch the holiday spirit, not the holiday sickness!  It was awful.  Presley was puking every 15-20 minutes and at first it was all over her crib.  ALL over.  And then after several bedding changes for her, I just threw her in my bed with me.  And after several more bedding changes in my room, I finally got her to throw up into a mixing bowl (somewhat).  It was really very sad for me to watch her get down to throwing up nothing but dark green stomach bile... that was very hard to watch.  And then the next day or so... I got the virus FULL swing.  Thank GOD my mother was willing and able to take Presley for a few hours that day because I was just not capable of anything.  It was seriously awful.  And doing it all by myself without a spouse was scary.  And then the next morning we had to wake up and catch a flight from Moline to Chicago and from Chicago to Memphis.  I didn't think I could do it but I kept telling myself it is 3-4 hours of suffering in this way and then we will be with Tony.  Thankfully, I was feeling leaps and bounds better than I had been the night before but it still wasn't easy.  Consider the fact that I am pregnant on top of all that and it was just awful.  I don't think I ate anything for 24 hours and not only did I feel terrible but I felt guilty on top of it. 

We made it to Memphis, though, on Christmas Day!  We spent a few days with Tony and then said goodbye to him, Chris, and Kristen (two of our wonderful friends) and they traveled back up to Moline to pack up the house into the U-Haul trailer and head back down to Memphis.  They did all this in one weekend all by themselves.  I am in awe of all they accomplished and we will be forever indebted to them and so beyond grateful for their kindness and compassion.  Not to mention... they then proceeded to unpack the U-Haul into a storage unit along with the help of my in-laws.  I felt very unproductive those days when they were so busy and that is not a good feeling for someone who wanted to be in charge of it all.  But, we all survived.  And Chris & Kristen declared their independence from ever having to help us move again!  :)

Since we've been in town, we have been living with Chris and Kristen in their 2 bedroom rental home.  When I said they were wonderful friends, did you take my word for it?  I mean, incredible.  We are in the process of looking at homes and getting approved for a loan, etc.  It has been a somewhat sticky process... it often feels like one step forward and then we take ten or so back.  Though, finally, it feels like we are coming up with a game plan alongside our lender and realtor.  I thank God for their patience because I know I am not the easiest person to work with - I have realized I am very sensitive when it comes to this big decision.  We started out by looking in Olive Branch, Mississippi which is just outside of Memphis.  (For you QCA folks, it's equivalent to Moline/Davenport.)   That didn't pan out well for us so we are shifting our focus to look at homes in the Cordova/Bartlett area.  I am feeling VERY hopeful about out prospects here.  Plus, it cuts Tony's daily commute way down and I am a huge huge HUGE fan of that!

Presley has been adjusting well.  She is sleeping in a pack-and-play and we just ordered a thicker mattress for that and it's seemed to help her sleep sounder.  We've also been watching a disgusting amount of TV lately and I hate it!  I feel like I have forgotten how to be a stay at home parent for some odd reason... and to be honest?  I love Presley but I seem to enjoy it less these days.  I know I wasn't always a huge fan of it but after having gone back to work for a few months before we moved, it really caused me to realize how much I enjoy working outside the home.

Now, onto this whole pregnancy deal!  I am always forgetting I'm pregnant because this one just feels so vastly different from the last one. Your first time around EVERY little and big thing is just so monumental and I feel terrible but this time around, pregnancy is the last thing on my mind.  Presley requires a LOT of attention (point in case: she got SO close to sticking a screw driver in an electrical outlet today...) and when it's not her that I'm focused on it is mealtime, naptime, bedtime, time to focus on home buying, etc!  I'm currently 16 weeks pregnant and for the last few days I have been craving nothing more than a McDonald's cheeseburger (or two), their delicious fries, and a huge coke!  SO BAD!!!  I have yet to indulge... mostly because I just keep forgetting until around this time of night.  I had also been hankering for Mexican food for several weeks in a row but that seems to have subsided after our trip to El Porton last week with Megan, Chris, Kristen, Presley & Tony!  We got guacamole dip (HEAVENLY!!!!) and Presley tossed it on the floor... I nearly cried.  But instead, I sucked it up and ordered another one!  For a while there I was really loving the frozen cheesy garlic bread you could stick in the oven for a couple minutes.  Now?  I just eat what I can when I have the time.  I feel the need to find a Chinese restaurant we really fall in love with because I am missing Ming Wah and our friends there like crazy.  I know that sounds silly, but it's true.  This restaurant (in Moline) is really something special to us!  Not to mention the food is just delicious.  I really need to stop talking about FOOD!!!!

Here is a picture of me & Presley.  I was just around 15 weeks along here and Presley was nice enough to help hold my belly up for the photo. ;)

This is an older one... but we got to spend Christmas with my family before the sickness and move. It was so nice!

Just after we landed in Memphis.  Walking to the cars with her Grandmommy & Papa.

We've also been lucky enough to hang out with my sister & her husband & my niece, Anne Marie, several times since we've moved.  Here is Presley & Annie holding hands in the back seat!!!

Had a very sister Christmas after the holidays and it was very much needed... although it went by in a flash!  Here is Aunt Ashie & Uncle Jojo with Annie & Presley.

One of my favorites of Tony & Presley :)

And here we are earlier this week right around 16 weeks along.

I've been catching up on Parenthood (the TV show) the past few weeks and goodness... I have really been missing out!!!  I've just started with the most recent season and things are getting good.  Anyways, what has been up with all of you?!  I look forward to catching up on everyone's blogs!  Take care.

Currently {link up} x12!

This weeks prompts are {baking, loving, missing, craving, laughing}

I really haven't been baking much of anything lately.  I baked a coffee cake mix that my mother-in-law sent me a while back and I don't know how but I did it wrong.  It turned out hard as a rock!  Such a sad moment when I threw the whole pan of it away.

I'm craving some time with my husband.  Only six more days until this is a possibility!!!  I'm also craving (of all things) Hershey chocolate bars.  I love the miniature bars we have had left over from Halloween.  Presley has been craving the usual for her... CHEESE!  If I would let her, she would have cheese in all forms for each meal.  She especially loves cheese sticks!  She has been very picky with what food she chooses to eat now that it's hard to not give her things with cheese in them all the time.  She never used to be picky so this phase has still been difficult for me to navigate.

I am absolutely loving the fact that I am moving to a town with a huge, beautiful Disney store!!!!  Not only does this mean I get to window shop and for real shop at a Disney store whenever I'd like... but it also means I could potentially work for the Disney company!!!  Oh yes... you better believe once we get settled that I will pursue any type of job there.

Just got done laughing at my plans.  Back in February I jotted down motivations to start saving money in the notepad of my iPhone.  I just came across it tonight and it made me smile:

Things to be saving for: 

•House (tentatively Summer 2013)

•Disney vacation (tentatively Winter 2014)

•Baby #2 (tentatively Fall 2015)

Things are a little out of order/somewhat off... but for the most part, we still have the same aspirations!  We will hopefully be buying a home Winter/Spring 2014, baby #2 Summer 2014, and... well... a Disney vacation might not be a possibility until 2016 or later!!!  But that's okay because we will have enough keeping us busy and delighted right at home.

 

Currently, I am really missing out on that holiday spirit.  We haven't decorated because of the move and our family isn't getting together until this weekend for Christmas.  We aren't in a position to do any holiday shopping for anyone.  Not to mention, Tony, Presley, and I haven't been together as a family since Thanksgiving.  So thus far, it has not felt remotely like Christmas to me.  I can't wait for it to sink in, hopefully this weekend.  I'm so excited to spend time with my cousins, mom, aunts, uncles and grandparents on my mom's side of the family.  I can't tell you the last time I was with all of them at once!!!  (It has been too long.)  I am looking forward to making a few more memories with them before our big move.  And goodness gracious, I know Presley will have a blast!  I can't wait to see how her and Emory play together!!! 

That's a peek at what we've been up to lately and a few snapshots of my little goose!  Hope everyone is running around spreading lots of cheer :)  And if not, hopefully we can get into the seasonal spirit here soon!  Cheers.

Currently {link up} x11!

This week the prompts are {enjoying, buying, forgetting, drinking, anticipating}

It is naptime in our house and I am really, thoroughly enjoying it.  I enjoy the quiet moments to myself to do things just myself.  I like the two-or-so hours in the middle of the day to focus on whatever it is I need/want to focus on.  Right now, that would be relaxing and writing.

Presley and I just got back from buying groceries.  This included disposable dishes and silverware.  I want to start washing and packing our dishes and silverware so the kind you can use and toss sounds PERFECT right now.

Currently drinking a black tea lemonade (with half the pumps of sweetener) from Starbucks.  We went to visit Santa today at Starbucks and of course I just had to buy a drink, too!  It's delicious and one of the few things I order from there.  My former boss from Build-A-Bear in Collierville is the one who got me hooked on this drink... THANK YOU, PAULA!

On the way to see SANTA!

The aftermath of the first attempt to see Santa. She liked Santa until I sat her on his lap and then she started screaming "Mommy!" and crying! So we went to go get a tea for me and water for her before trying again.

Me & Presley's drinks sitting on top of the car while I buckled her in.  Snowy day!

This is the final product.  Not the best picture by any means, but it's the best we could do!

Such a beautiful, sweet girl.

Anticipating... hmmm... so many things!  First, I am anticipating this move and all the troubles that lie ahead.  I know it's going to be so much work, money, and waiting... but I just hope it'll be ALL worth it when things are said & done!  We literally have amazing (and crazy might I add) friends who are helping with this huge move in so many ways and it brings tears to my eyes because I can't imagine how we would do it otherwise.  We are so lucky.  I am also really anticipating seeing my husband again in about 11 more days.  I am very much looking forward to the possibility of sleeping in!!!  I am looking forward to hugging him and seeing him all the time and giving him a huge kiss! :)  It's not ideal being apart but again, it will be worth it.  I'm anticipating owning a home SOON (I hope!) and starting our lives in a new way.

I'm not really forgetting anything this week... I guess I am forgetting how important it is to PACK whenever I can... but honestly, sometimes it just feels like too much!  Taking care of myself and Presley seems like it takes 99.9% of my energy most days.

Last night a friend from middle school and high school who was in my little sisters class passed away.  I didn't sleep very well and to be honest for the longest time I didn't even try to sleep.  Dallas' passing seemingly (to me) happened out of the blue and to know that this sweet person was living just a few hours ago and is now no longer... it is just overwhelmingly heartbreaking.  Dallas Simms was 23 years old and he was such a talented musician and way, way, way too young to die.  Here is a sample of how beautiful his voice was and how incredibly gifted he was:

It just gets to me so much.  I will be thinking of him and his friends and family... all the classmates who got to know him from Southwind & Germantown.  I hope that wherever he is, he has peace.  Life can be really tough and challenging and seemingly unfair in times such as these.  Dallas, you are so loved and missed by everybody and you will not ever be forgotten.  Thanks for always being so friendly and funny... we could use more people just like you.

Don't ever hesitate to show love and to give love to everyone.  It is something so many of us are starved for these days.  Tell your friends why you love them and let your family know you appreciate them.  You never know when your day will come or when those you love will leave.  Not to mention, everyone is out there struggling with something and most are struggling in silence.  If we make a conscious effort to be loving and supportive of our friends, family members, and strangers then we have the opportunity and privilege to lessen their burden.  And you may be the only person others come in contact with who makes an impact.  So go out of your way to be helpful if you can.  Go out of your way to be genuine.  Go out of your way to make someone forget about the things that make them sad and frustrated.  Go out of your way.

R.I.P. Dallas Jacob Simms 
photo credit Tyler Berretta

From One to Two.

Just started to feel so emotional and actually (for the first time ever) guilty to be stripping Presley of her only child status.

That's an awful feeling.  I read a list of things to do in the last few weeks of pregnancy (FANTASTIC list) and the last point brought tears to my eyes.

Am I being selfish for wanting another baby so soon?  Did I consider Presley in the equation heavily enough and in the right ways? 

28.5 months will separate Presley from her younger sibling.  Two years, four and a half months.  Is that enough time with just our Presley? 

I just feel like somehow I am cheating Presley.  Of what, I'm not sure.  Alone time?  Sole focus?  I haven't put my finger on it yet.

It's not like we're shipping her off to the circus when the baby comes.  It's not like she won't still be our baby.  It's not like we will love her any less than before.  So, knowing these things and thinking them through rationally, why do I still feel like this?

I've heard moms say they felt the same way before they had their second child and therefore I know I'm not alone in these irrational thoughts and feelings and I have also heard they are fleeting in the grand scheme.  But for right now, I'm really feeling this.  I have perspective and I know that everything will be okay... it's not that I'm worried nothing will ever be okay or the same and that the sun won't shine... it's not like that whatsoever.  I just feel like I am letting something go... being a family of three, I guess.  And tonight, it makes me sad.

 

 

I'm so thankful to have a safe spot to come to with all my thoughts, fears, joys, etc. and not feel judged.  So very thankful.  Any and all insight - as always - is appreciated.  But more than anything, I just wanted to share my feelings.