Brain Dump.

There is so much going on at all times that what I need right now is an "empty" button for my brain. So, hold on tight because there is no telling where this post is headed...

#1 
Presley gets her tonsils out soon. Like, next week. Before I could even publish this we ended up having to reschedule the procedure. So she'll still have to have her tonsils out but not until mid-January. And I have so many feelings about it.

Mostly, I am just worried about Presley having surgery. Are we making the best decision for her? (I think so.) How is she going to react to the medicine? How in the hell are we all going to handle her recovery?! I'm sure it'll all fly by - these days usually do - but leading up to it I have so many worries. Especially knowing & loving Presley. She is just so precious. I hate seeing her hurting and this will be tough. It's nice knowing she gets to have popsicles and ice cream and all the fun things during this sucky time, though. And I know that this surgery is soooo common - especially for kids Presley's age. BUT! You worry about your kid being the ONE KID who has a complication. Oh and not to mention Presley's big worry... what if she can feel the pain during the surgery? That breaks my heart! Who wouldn't be scared of that happening? But how in the world did her five year-old little brain connect those dots all on her own?? And how do I put her worries at ease? We have talked about it somewhat and I plan on finding a YouTube video explaining the process of a tonsillectomy and recovery to give Presley a visual explanation of what to expect.

But there's a small part deep down in me that feels a little ready to have this done. That maybe it really will help her stay well more often. Not to mention the fact that one of her tonsils/glands is constantly swollen no matter what makes me ready to get them out.

#2
You know how people say this time of the year is the worst for germs? Well I can't remember a time when someone wasn't sick in this house! We've had puking. We've had unpleasant bathroom stuff. We've had so many snotty noses. We've had pink eye. We've had strep and tonsillitis. We've had pink eye... again! This is all within the last month or so. I am so grateful it is these minor illness and we bounce back. But then we fall right into the next pit waiting right ahead of us. It's been so incredibly draining and defeating. Again... so thankful for overall good health. So so so tired of germs. Currently 5/5 of our family members are ill to varying degrees with various ailments. Looking forward to Spring and it's not even technically winter yet...

#3
I've been working on getting our Christmas cards out this year... usually I'm pumped and ready to go. Like I want to send them out RIGHT after Thanksgiving. This year I kinda waited and debated just saving the money and not sending them out. Thanks to tons of good deals and codes for Shutterfly and Tiny Prints that I got from various e-mail newsletter subscriptions we got several different, beautiful Christmas cards for dirt cheap this year. Unfortunately I'm still waiting on the last 1/2 of our Christmas cards - they got delayed or lost along the way - so if you haven't gotten a card from us yet don't worry. Or if you'd like to swap Christmas cards with us this year and we haven't in the past - just shoot me a text or email (aduggan520@gmail.com) and we'll get that going!

Our Christmas cards through the years... 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, & 2016

#4
And this is a big one... we've decided to homeschool Presley after the first of the year. This will more than likely require it's own blog post down the road (why we chose to homeschool midyear, our plans going forward, etc) but it's not something we've decided on a whim. And if you know me well enough, you know this has been on my heart for a long time now - before we even started Kindergarten this year. I will say that many things throughout the school year prompted this course of action. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't intimidated to be in full charge of Presley's academic learning but I have so much excitement and enthusiasm to get started.

#5
Tony and I went to see The Last Jedi last week and IT WAS SO GREAT and I already want to see it again. I don't want to spoil anything so I won't say more. But I thought the movie was so dynamic and different yet fit so well with the existing movies in the saga. It stands well in it's own right while working to tell a much bigger story. I love the new characters/animals/places. And mostly - and I know this might be selfish - but I just don't ever want those stories to end. In short, if you're on the fence about it...

GO. SEE. THIS. MOVIE.

L: Us seeing The Force Awakens 12/2015 & R: Us seeing The Last Jedi 12/2017

I asked Presley to make her "Rey" face and I think she nailed it

#6
Christmas is SO FUN. We've been taking it easy this year and not being too busy or getting too crazy with things this year and that's been wonderful. When we do Christmas activities it makes me enjoy them THAT much more! My favorite things so far was visiting Alpine Village (a local church puts together a free Christmas village WONDERFUL, interactive event for the community), checking out amazing local Christmas lights (including Graceland!), and baking/decorating Christmas cookies. And the thing that makes all this so much fun? Our kids. Their varied but always excited reactions make the season so bright. And even though I mentioned these before... Christmas cards are the BEST. I love seeing everyone's different take & the family photos.

#7

 If you have a moment & anything to spare - change, prayers, anything - please consider directing them to the Manthe family. Reanna is a friend of mine & my heart is breaking hearing the latest news in her journey.  It’s not fair. None of it. Reanna is funny & smart & has a beautiful family who love her & none of this has been easy on any of them but they seem to navigate each hurdle with so much strength or resolve or something I can’t seem to find a word for. I wish I lived closer. I wish there were something more I could do. This is the very least I can do here to share her story & to ask anyone who is looking for a person or family to direct some Christmas kindness towards - I’ve found such a deserving family here. Here is the link to her YouCaring page to read more & for those who would like to donate.

{A message from Reanna’s husband Nathan as of 12/16/2017: Well, this is the hardest post I’ve ever had to write. We took Reanna to Houston this week to consent for a new trial. We found out that this was not possible. We have found out that the journey will be coming to an end. Reanna has 8 weeks or less to live. We told the kids this evening and now we are sharing it with the rest of you. There are no treatments left for her. Reanna is still in Houston and we will be working to bring her home once we have hospice set-up here. We cannot thank you all enough for the support and help you have given us throughout this journey. We ask that people are here for the kids especially because they are least equipped to deal with this and need the most love. Reanna is an amazing person who will be missed. If you have questions please text me or message me. Love you and thank you all.}

Chores {Marriage Monday}

In an attempt to put off some housework I should currently be doing I'll instead write a blog post about chores...

Before we had kids and we had unlimited time to talk about our relationships, my sister and I had a conversation about duties around the house. Do you split them up evenly? Do you share the tasks? Do you have set, specific chores you do regularly? Or do you switch them up?

My sister was of the mindset that if her and her husband switched up the tasks and didn't assign specific chores to "his or hers" then they wouldn't get burnt out on them. Which is a good idea in theory. But was about six years and three kids ago. And I'm pretty sure they have designated chores these days. 

For the most part we have our assigned chores around here. He takes out the trash. {Reason #15 I love my husband: He takes out our yucky trash for me!} I do the dishes. He's supposed to be in charge of the laundry. (I loathe the laundry.) Which mostly means he will put them in the washer & dryer & then once they're clean they sit in a basket for the longest time. To be fair - we have way too many clothes. It makes me want to throw them away and live minimally - just have capsule, versatile wardrobes. I really think that if we had a more functional laundry room that I would enjoy the task a little more. I do the cooking. He mows the lawn. I do the grocery shopping. We both do bedtime for the kids. (Or is that not supposed to be considered a chore...) 

It just makes me wonder what it's like in other households. Do you guys switch up the housework or is it usually done by the same person each week? Or is it more like our house and you just put off all the chores until you absolutely have to do them?

Tony once fell asleep while in the middle of reading his anniversary card from me. That's talent. But this is what we would all rather be doing instead of doing chores. Sleeping.

Life Lately.

So it has been a while since I've been on this thing. I feel bad about that.

Well, we've got a five year-old, a three-year old, and a one year-old. All are doing amazing things in their own stages...

Presley: Miss Presley. She is resilient. She's on her third kindergarten teacher this year. The first one wasn't a good fit and there were more kids that signed up than expected so a new teacher was hired. I offered for Presley to move classes so off we went to teacher number two. She stuck around a few weeks and for personal reasons she stepped away from the position. So... lucky #3. Her current teacher seems to be a great fit personally, so we will see how this thing shakes out. I hope and pray her teacher puts her heart and soul into teaching these babies. They deserve it. Presley is so smart and loves to learn but the second she feels anything but perfect in her schoolwork she becomes pretty upset. Clearly something we'll have to work on. I want so much for learning to be fun for her and for her to not have to work about perfection. We really haven't loved her school this year so we are going to try to get her into another school next year and if that doesn't pan out I really am considering home schooling. OH! And she recently lost her first tooth!! She's got three more wiggly teeth, too.

Molly: Phew. This kid has such a big heart. She's so damn funny without even trying or realizing. Her personality is big and her feelings are big. At this point it feels like she'll be in pull-ups for the rest of her life! She poops on the potty every time but pee? It seems like most of the time she doesn't even realize when she pees. But she has started to write her name and HOLY CRAP it's fantastic!!!! She's three. She is such a smart kid! She's a little sponge and the things Presley is learning Molly picks up so quickly. She is quirky and beautiful and moody and her smile can light up a room. I can't wait to send her to preschool next year and see her flourish and to start to really learn boundaries, too. (She is a boundary pusher whereas Presley is a rule follower!) But we have got to master this potty training business first...

Crosby: Another kid with a megawatt personality. (Of course I'm bias.) He's really showing us who he is lately and it's so wonderful getting to know him. Then again he's currently in the stage where he pushes every single limit all day everyday. It makes the days extra long and my patience extra thin. But at the end of every day it is worth it and I love these kids so much. Crosby cracks all of us up. He's also a fan of climbing all the things possible. Which believe it or not we have an extraordinary amount of things to climb in this house. His first birthday came and went in a shock. I've got some catching up to do in all their baby books... Presley's only goes up to the first day of school so once I get caught up I will be done with hers.... what. the. heck. That went fast. Crazy to think how fast Molly and Crosby are getting older, too. Speaking of his sisters - Crosby adores them. His relationship with each of them is different and beautiful. He absolutely loves his daddy these days. And he loves mommy. He is a big sweetheart but man does he already have a temper when things don't go his way!

Things with Tony's job aren't going so well. He already works so much and now they're just finding out their hours are increasing... again. It's always something up there. Since they are commission based pay their employers can do some pretty unethical practices legally. It's frustrating as hell. 11 hour days are STUPID long days. He's doing that five days a week, sometimes six days a week depending on the week. That's excessive. And frustrating. And lonely. I feel so much of the time of my life the last four years that we're drowning in so many aspects. We can't catch up on anything. Not to mention our marriage doesn't fair well at this pace. I see that it has such a negative impact on us and I know how fragile love is, how short life can be. I want to make changes to make a happier life for ourselves but how do you do that when you depend on the paycheck? It makes it more difficult to make changes. I've considered finding child care for the kids and getting a job as well so that he could take a pay cut to take a job that takes better care of him than his current employers do.

Since we don't really love the experience we've had in Presley's current school we've tossed around the idea of possibly trying to move to a more desirable school district. I'm not sure if that is a possibility for us financially at the moment, but I wish (for many reasons) that we could make it work. I don't know... lately I am just waiting for something to change. For something to get better. Or truly for the other shoe to drop. It feels like at any moment things could just start falling apart for us. We're holding on in so many aspects by tape and glue. Truly.

Thanksgiving and Christmas are coming and that's amazing. It's a mood lifter. This time of year is special. Thank goodness. My 30th birthday is right around the corner and it's weird to think I'm getting older. I'm grateful for another year to look forward to and another year behind me. But sometimes it feels like I stopped being me or stopped existing as me a while back. Maybe when I started having kids. Like part of your being just stops there. Maybe this feeling will pass once they're out of the young stage but I have a feeling that won't be the case.

We've loved living so close to Amanda & family!!! Absolutely love it. It makes living farther from Ashley hurt a little more, that's for sure. Makes us miss her more. We're itching to get out to visit but it seems like none of us can stay healthy long enough for that... we're all currently in various stages of sick!

I'll leave you with some photos of life lately. I'll try not to pick too many!

Saturday ramblings...

This is the second week in a row that I forgot about pizza Friday and didn't remember until Saturday. So we ordered pizza tonight - like we did last week - and I'm considering moving pizza Friday to pizza Saturday.

My poor kids have been taking turns being sick lately. Molly and Crosby were last week and now it's Presley. Her tests came back negative for strep & mono but it could've been too soon to test for the latter. She's on antibiotics because it really does look and seem like strep. Hopefully it is and the meds will knock it out.

Crosby is 9 months old. We've made it this long in our breastfeeding journey and when I think about how protected he is with the extra immune boost from my milk it makes me want to carry on nursing him after his first birthday (which is just over 2 months away). I'm conflicted. It'll be nice to continue on that relationship while he's still so little but it would also be fantastic to have another part of my body back to myself after being pregnant or nursing since summer 2011! It'll definitely feel like the ending of an era for me and while there are so many things to look forward to in that upcoming chapter, I am still apprehensive about leaving it all behind. So, we'll see where we end up when we get there!

Oh man and Molly is three!!!! I have been meaning to write about this but of course I just haven't been real into that lately. This kid is still giving me a run for my money but it SEEMS like we're turning somewhat of a corner lately and MAYBE leaving the "terrible" behind us in the twos. Her vocabulary has been bursting here lately and that helps her to express herself so much which helps her feel less frustrated. Or so it seems. She's getting so big BUT Tony noticed her 3 year measurements in the garage were just about the same as Presley's 2.5 year measurements! So seems like she will be more my build. Maybe? I'd like to take the girls to go see Cars 3 sometime soon maybe as a late birthday thing... but we'll see about that. As much as I'm so so so so so apprehensive and just SAD about sending Presley to kindergarten in the Fall, I am really looking forward to the time with Molly!

My best friend Betsy is getting married in May. I'm so happy she's so happy and even more excited to be there for her on such a special, beautiful day in her life. I can't lie that I'm really super excited to get back to the Quad Cities and see some familiar faces and eat at some of our favorite places!!! Even though it's still pretty far away I'm already looking forward to some Quad City pizza, Ming Wah, La Flama, and so many other places. It'll be the first time all 5 of us head up there, too. And before that will be Bets' bachelorette trip and I can not wait!!!! I haven't seen this much of her in the longest time and it's seriously just what I need.

I recently caved and fell in love with LuLaRoe thanks to my childhood best friend selling it and I am addicted. The clothes are beautiful and most importantly COMFORTABLE! And perfect for everyday living. I'm having a LuLaRoe party next weekend and I can't wait to get my hands on some new stuff and for a nice little ladies night!!

I'm currently listening to "Big Whiskey and the GrooGrux King" and I've said it before but maybe not enough that this is my favorite CD of all time, I believe. It is so easy to listen to and I feel like they got everything just right. The music. The lyrics. The mood. The flow from one message to another. Up, down, mellow, jam... it's just great to listen to.

I can't stop trying to plan our way to Disney lately. And I really don't think it's going to happen anytime soon. I wish I could make it work for September 2018 or February 2019 but even those seem unattainable for us. And Presley has really become an even bigger Disney addict than me!!! I love it. But we've created a little monster. She cannot wait to get back and here I am saying the same thing so I suppose I don't blame her. She is so incredible and so understanding when I explain it's because of money. We talked about the various ways they can help us get to Disney and one of them was to not buy any toys unless it's their birthday or Christmas (which is honestly how it should be anyways) and so every time she asks for a toy in the stores I'll pause a moment and she'll remember what I asked of her. She'll go, "Oh! Oops!!! I forgot. No toys so we can save our money!" I just love her so so much.

It's officially been 17 years since I last saw my dad which feels just as long as it sounds.

Anyways. That's it. Brain is now (mostly) empty. My plans for the rest of the night: shower, watch One Tree Hill, and sleep. Goodnight everyone.