When I was in high school I found a lot of comfort in reading the words of other people. I started my own quote book and I filled it with the most meaningful quotes and lyrics I came across. Reading it now is pretty hilarious... there are a few gems that still stand but most of it is so dramatic. However, I had a Reader's Digest book of Quotable Quotes that I would pour over and often times mark my favorites. I haven't cracked open this book in quite some time but I came across it on my bookshelf and pulled it out. I read through several pages the other day and marked ones that stuck out to me and among them was this one...
Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that he automatically deserves great success in any field of activity; yet almost everyone believes that he automatically deserves success in marriage.
Let that sink in. To be successful in just about any career it takes major prep work. Sometimes it's going to school for several years and other times it's investing in a several week-long training course. It includes studying and practice and help from your coworkers. Over time you solicit advice from leaders in the industry and people who have been there before you. In your spare time you sometimes read articles to become more efficient, more comfortable and to be better at what you do.
YET. When it comes to marriage we are surprised when it doesn't work out magically and perfectly on our own. We're frustrated and assume something is deeply wrong with our marriage, ourselves, and our spouses when we find that ours must be the only marriage that takes work. I mean... how embarrassing to reach out to another married couple for advice? That would only make you look weak and incompetent, right?
No. Way. Marriage is just as hard as everything else. I mean, being a human is HARD. It really is. So being a human alongside someone else being a human should understandably be double hard. (And it is.) But we don't see it that way. For some reason, just like the quote says, almost everyone believes that success within a marriage should be automatic.
I don't have any special method of success to share with you. Just came to share the quote and to acknowledge that you aren't alone in the struggle of being a human alongside someone else being a human. Marriage is so wonderful. Being married to my husband is such a huge blessing and something I thank God for all the time. And it is something that requires all the investment that a career should... like going to school for several years on the subject, several weeks of training, continued studying and practice, help from others, advice from leaders in the industry and people who have been there before you, reading articles to become more efficient & more comfortable & to become better at your marriage/job. (And it's too bad we aren't incentivized to do all these things for our marriage the way we often are for our job.) Because how to properly love someone and build a life alongside them is not knowledge we are programmed with at birth. It doesn't make you a failure to get help for your marriage, it just makes you resourceful and is an investment into your marriage - something you'd like to keep nice and shiny your entire life.
*also I totally acknowledge that marriage isn't in the cards for all people nor is marriage to the same person for life. Sometimes the BEST & most healthy thing for two people is to end their marriage and I am 110% supportive of these things.*
Almost no one is foolish enough to imagine that he automatically deserves great success in any field of activity; yet almost everyone believes that he automatically deserves success in marriage.
--Sydney J. Harris
Let that sink in. To be successful in just about any career it takes major prep work. Sometimes it's going to school for several years and other times it's investing in a several week-long training course. It includes studying and practice and help from your coworkers. Over time you solicit advice from leaders in the industry and people who have been there before you. In your spare time you sometimes read articles to become more efficient, more comfortable and to be better at what you do.
YET. When it comes to marriage we are surprised when it doesn't work out magically and perfectly on our own. We're frustrated and assume something is deeply wrong with our marriage, ourselves, and our spouses when we find that ours must be the only marriage that takes work. I mean... how embarrassing to reach out to another married couple for advice? That would only make you look weak and incompetent, right?
No. Way. Marriage is just as hard as everything else. I mean, being a human is HARD. It really is. So being a human alongside someone else being a human should understandably be double hard. (And it is.) But we don't see it that way. For some reason, just like the quote says, almost everyone believes that success within a marriage should be automatic.
I don't have any special method of success to share with you. Just came to share the quote and to acknowledge that you aren't alone in the struggle of being a human alongside someone else being a human. Marriage is so wonderful. Being married to my husband is such a huge blessing and something I thank God for all the time. And it is something that requires all the investment that a career should... like going to school for several years on the subject, several weeks of training, continued studying and practice, help from others, advice from leaders in the industry and people who have been there before you, reading articles to become more efficient & more comfortable & to become better at your marriage/job. (And it's too bad we aren't incentivized to do all these things for our marriage the way we often are for our job.) Because how to properly love someone and build a life alongside them is not knowledge we are programmed with at birth. It doesn't make you a failure to get help for your marriage, it just makes you resourceful and is an investment into your marriage - something you'd like to keep nice and shiny your entire life.
*also I totally acknowledge that marriage isn't in the cards for all people nor is marriage to the same person for life. Sometimes the BEST & most healthy thing for two people is to end their marriage and I am 110% supportive of these things.*
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