Marriage Monday: You Can Never Have Too Much.

I don't think I'm alone when I admit for my great love of Pinterest.  Some of my favorite things to pin are all things baby related, DIY household projects, and decorating.... but one of my absolute favorite subjects to pin is any type of marital advice!  Since each and every marriage is so different from the next, it's interesting to see what things work for each individuals marriage.  And when giving advice on how to live a happy life with your spouse, there is no right or wrong.  You can't tell someone else that their marriage advice is stupid because even if it doesn't sound good for your marriage, it might be JUST what someone else's marriage needs!  Ultimately, it's important just to live your life and find out what works for you and your significant other... but I don't think it hurts to hear the perspective others have to offer. 


As you can see, I'm someone who believes that you can never have too much great marriage advice.  For some individuals, that may mean they are giving advice on "what not to do" or things they wish they had done differently in their marriage. But for others it could be tips on how to keep each other happy and things that have been tried and true advice that have been passed down from generation to generation.  (If you are like me and you can't get enough advice on marriage... I compiled marriage advice earlier in the summer based on tips given from some friends that you can check out.)


But we all hear some of those marriage tips that people just don't see eye to eye on and that is what I want to discuss today.


Never go to bed angry -vs- Go to bed mad.
 There is so much validity to each side of this argument... and as I said before, these pieces of advice - when you get down to it - are opinions.  And the beautiful thing about opinions is they are neither right nor wrong - they just are.  Now, with that said, I definitely tend towards the "never go to bed angry" side of the argument.  I absolutely cannot go to bed with unresolved issues.  On the same coin, though, is the other side of this - sometimes we don't need to hash out EVERY single disagreement and sometimes you DO have to choose your battles.  When it comes down to it, if you are staying up to argue it out to prove that you are right about something, then I'd say you just need to go to bed.  I love the advice that goes something like, "You are either right all the time or you are married."  Or, "When you are wrong, apologize.  When you are right, shut up."  :)
Tony says:  "Depends on the situation."
Ali says:  "Never go to bed when I'm angry."

You have to work at being a happy couple -vs- You just have to want to be there.
 Another really great argument.  Some people believe as long as both parties WANT to be in the relationship, the rest falls into place.  Others believe that no matter what, you have to work at being happy as a couple.  After talking this one over with my hubby, we quickly came to the conclusion that you need both.  No matter HOW much work one or both people put into a relationship, if one or both of those people don't truly want to be there then it's not going to ever fully satisfy either of you.  Likewise, you could both want to truly be married to one another and if you were both lazy within your relationship and failed to put in the work necessary to be happy, then that wouldn't fulfill you either.
Ruling in the Duggan household:  "You have to want to work at being a happy couple."

Never complain about your spouse to others -vs- It's okay to vent to your friends.
I love both sides of this argument, I really do.  I just recently found this bit of advice that states the following:  "Make a husband pact with your friends: The husband pact says this [I promise to listen to you complain about your husband even in the most dire terms, without it affecting my good opinion of him. I will agree with your harshest criticism, accept your gloomiest predictions. I will nod and furrow my brow and sigh when you describe him as a hideous ogre. Then when your fight is over and love shines again like a beautiful sunbeam in your life, I promise to forget everything you said and regard him as the most charming of princes once more.] The husband pact is very useful because you want to be able to vent to your friend without having her actually start hating your husband. Because you don’t really mean all those things you say. And she, the swearer of the pact, knows this."  I like the idea of the pact - but mostly the pact is something that is unspoken and understood by most friends anyways.  However, I equally love the idea of just not badmouthing your husband.  Fortunately I have sisters who are very understanding, objective, and who LOVE Tony (sometimes more than they love me) that I can vent to when the going gets tough.  So really, this one isn't an issue for us.  If he needs to vent about stuff, I trust him.  Same goes for me; he knows that sometimes you just need to talk through things with others (which for me, like I said, is my sisters). 
Ruling in the Duggan household:  We vent to designated friends as needed and trust each other to always regard our integrity.


Well, if nothing else, this gives you peek into the things we discuss in our house on a regular basis.  That is, when we aren't talking about things like the wizarding world of Harry Potter (I'd totally be in Gryffindor) or our fantasy football teams (mine is name Woman4Witten) and Jason Witten is one of my first few picks every year.

Can you think of any additional conflicting marital advice you've picked up over the years?  How do you and your spouse/significant other feel on these topics?  I'd love to hear from you - let me know how you feel in the comment section below!


Comments

  1. Chris and I pretty much keep things to ourselves. We know several couples who just air ALL their dirty laundry to whoever will listen and we just don't care for it. And even if we do vent, it is NEVER trash talking.
    Going to bed angry...we do. I tend to want to resolve the issue RIGHT NOW, but Chris needs time to cool off most of the time. So we back off, sleep it off, and then discuss it later on. I have found that we are WAY more likely to accomplish something if I give him time to cool off. And I'd rather accomplish something than blow things out of proportion. :)
    As far as being happy...sometimes you do have to work at it. Even love in fairytales is challenging.
    That's my take on it. :) I'm glad you're back, BTW!!

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  2. I think you mentioned the biggest conflicting marital advice that I've heard- the go to bed angry vs. don't go to bed angry debate. With John and I and our different work schedules, I go to bed before him. If it's something that's important and needs to be discussed, I'll for sure remember and wake up when he gets home. The other times I find that sleeping a bit helped me realize that the issue wasn't that big of a deal after all, and it's not worth getting up out of bed to hash it out! ;) So I think I'm with Tony (NOT that I like him better than you! Lol!) in that it varies for different situations.

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  3. I often will go to bed angry after a fight... but it's usually because I'm so upset that I can't think straight to form a coherent sentence and I don't want to say something I'll regret. Not that we fight that big that often.. because we don't, lol. I take a lot to heart and get heated over the stupidest things, so I need the time to digest what was said and how I feel so that I can approach hubby in a more calm and understanding manner. It works, most of the time. And I fully believe that marriage is hard work and you have to want it to make it work. Beyond that, we don't have many people in our lives to vent to, so it's mostly each other. That's part of why I started to blog.. :)

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