First Time vs. Second Time

Blogging is the last thing on my mind these days.  The night before Tony was scheduled to go back to work, I was feeling so emotional.  Similar to last time around, I wondered how I was going to get through the day without him and I knew I would miss him 100% of the day.  Much UNLIKE last time, I really don't count down the hours/minutes/seconds until he's scheduled to get home and I truly think it's because I'm kept pretty busy here!  Last time around it was just me and a baby on our own - this time it is me, a baby, plus a smart, talkative 2.5 year old.  I have someone to talk to (thank you, Presley!) and nursing is a 24/7 task to keep busy with and although I do miss Tony, I don't feel as desperate as last time.  One of our family friends told me I would be too busy to miss him during the day and so far that has pretty much proved to be true!  Of course EVERY thing would be more fun if the whole family was together - and no amount of "busy" will cause me to forget that.

Anyways, these few revelations got me thinking about the similarities and differences I've experienced thus far with my two different newborns/post partum experiences.

Unlike last time, it is SUMMER (in the South) and not the dead of winter (in the Midwest).
Like last time, I sometimes feel like I have no idea what to do.
Unlike last time, I feel a LOT more joy and happiness throughout the day. {And to build on that, unlike last time, I am not experiencing post partum depression or anxiety besides the normal stuff!}
Though, like last time, I also have moments where I feel like giving up or that I'm literally going to have a mental breakdown - usually from a fussy baby + lack of sleep!
A lot like last time, I am SWEARING this is our last baby.
But unlike last time, our children have a sibling now, so that takes off the pressure to have another.
I'm breastfeeding again, like last time.  And like last time, I can't help but think formula feeding would be SO MUCH EASIER.
Though, unlike last time, I know how much easier breastfeeding gets and how fulfilling it can be - so I am still hanging on and have a greater depth of understanding on the breastfeeding experience.
Almost EXACTLY like last time, Molly is pulling on my hair like crazy.
Unlike last time, I am NOT going to chop my hair off... though I plan to have a haircut very soon.

Something else that has been sharp on my mind lately is my patience.  I have noticed that it is a tedious task to exercise patience every single day from start to finish.  I feel like by the end of each day I am snapping at someone - Presley, Molly, or Tony.  And unfortunately, it is usually Presley.  She is into everything... she is pushing limits and also teething.  Something has been making her very whiny and moody lately - whether it's the age, her lifestyle change thanks to the new sibling, or maybe the new teeth coming in. 

Whatever the cause it has made things interesting around here and at some times it is downright difficult to deal with.  And for the first time today I told her to go to her room.  And I didn't just tell her, I (irrationally) yelled it!  Her reaction?  Her eyes went very wide and she said, "okay" and went straight to her room.  Bad mommy moment.  I don't feel bad about reprimanding her for what she did (which was purposely knocking over a TV tray that held my water cup... spilling my water on the floor)... it was just definitely the yelling on my part that I regret.  And the overreaction on my part is something I do not want to become a habit.  I realize I'm not perfect but I also need to remember neither is she.  So, about 30 seconds after Presley went to her room, I set down Molly and followed Presley to apologize for my yelling.  Nobody can really warn you that being a parent is so tough in so many different ways.  Or really, that it is SUCH a learning experience.  How can one little person that you love so entirely also become so frustrating?

All things considered though, the twos have been much more terrific for us than terrible... which makes me nervous for the threes since I hear they're the new "terrible twos."  We'll see.  We have one hell of an awesome toddler so I really and truly think our life will continue to be terrific with her. 

Aside from all this fun, not too much is new in my life.  Thanks to my awesome little sister I am reading the Fifty Shades of Grey books and while I had my doubts about the books I have really come to love them!  I think the characters are fantastic and the book is well written.  I can't wait until the movie come out for Valentines Day!  At that point we will just about have a three year old (!!!) and Molly will be nearly 8 months old... how different will our lives be by that point?!  This is also the first book series that I've read solely over my phone (thank you Kindle app!) - that's been a neat experience and also makes me want a phone with a larger screen.  I'm not sure if I prefer it to physical books or vice versa yet... I think I enjoy either method of reading.

Finally, I will leave you with a few photos of my cuties from recently.

Hopefully it won't be so long until the next blog - I plan on doing monthly updates for Molly as I did for Presley {minus month one... sorry Molly!} - so stay tuned!  And for all you fifty shades fans... Laters, baby!


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