Mish mash.

Several times recently I've opened up a new blog entry to start writing and nothing comes out. I have a desire to write and share and think and reflect but then... nothing. I've said it before but sometimes blogging feels silly. Like, why am I writing this? What use it is now or ever? And what is so fascinating or important about my life that I feel the need to share it? And then I read a friends blog or something they've shared about their own life and I enjoy reading it so much. So I write incase someone else enjoys it and hope that I enjoy it in the process.

What's everyone reading or planning to read this year? I don't remember the last time I read a book or what it was. I know Tony and I committed to reading the Harry Potter series last year (again for me but for the first time for Tony) and around the time we started really planning our Disney trip was the time we stopped reading. Tony made it to book 2 and I made it to book 4. Usually I can't put those books down! I'm sure we'll pick up where we left off in a couple weeks.

The first book I plan to read this year is Howl's Moving Castle. I have it waiting for me at the library but keep forgetting to pick it up! I watched bits and pieces of the movie with Presley - which I really enjoyed - but I kept feeling like there were explanations on so many things that I was somehow missing. I read a review of the movie in which someone said the book was really a companion piece to the movie and without reading it you wouldn't get the entire picture. I'm excited to read it and then to also finish the movie.

I also really want to read Room after hearing great things about it. I started reading Paper Towns several weeks ago and never finished... I'd like to read that one soonish. I'd still like to read The Opposite of Loneliness that I meant to read last year and never did. I started Wild sometime last year and never got fully invested... so I'd like to give that one another try.

This month my oldest baby will turn four. The one who - at the time - felt like she would always be in a baby stage. And now there is nothing baby left about her. I don't even like the baby phase very much!!! It's a lot of diaper changes, little sleep, crying, and lots of messes. Then why is it so difficult for me that Presley is getting older? We signed her up for preschool last week. So many feelings. She is so ready to go to school and craves that social interaction. She can't wait to go to school with her backpack and get to meet new friends. But for me, it is so hard for me to let go. It'll more than likely just be a two day a week gig... but still. Most days I would LOVE for a little more "me" time - so why does sending her to preschool feel so sad for me?

I mean, this is the beginning of it all. After she starts preschool, she will start elementary school. And then she's gone all day five days a week and I will have to trust her to strangers. I will have to accept that she could get hurt. Or sick. Or bullied. That is hard for me. It's easy for me to think about the things she will gain from school - she will love it. But the fact that I won't be there to protect her or experience life right next to her feels very unnatural to me. When we were in the thick of the baby stage I could not wait until I could send her off to daycare and get a job or the days where she would be in school all day. And now it's terrifying! Maybe it'll all feel different once she gets started in school. Most of this could just be fear of the unknown at the moment.

I'd love to hear from parents who felt the same before sending their kids to school or who chose to homeschool. What has having school aged children been like for you?

I forgot to write about meeting our newest niece, Claire! It was nice to spend some time with the Carrico family and to see baby Claire. Both girls absolutely adore her and still talk about her. Anne Marie and Matthew are the best older siblings, too!!! And of course, I didn't get a single picture of Matthew from the trip. Poor middle kid! You'd think as a middle child myself I would be more conscious about that!!!!

Other than the upcoming birthday, not a whole lot is on our agenda. Muddling through this winter at the moment seems like my main goal. And coffee. 


  1. I so know how you feel.. Abi is growing way too fast. She's already asking about going to kindergarten, and I keep saying "woah, slow down! You have a whole year before that." But really only a year...?? It seems like yesterday (or at least just last year) we both had our first babies.. now they're 4?

    I've done the same thing with books lately. It seems like by the time I get to the end of the day when I actually have time to read, I just don't want to or I have other things to do. So I've picked up about 3 books, started them and they are just sad and forgotten in my work bag, hoping I'll pick them up again. lol. Hey, thanks again for your words of encouragement..

    1. You're welcome, Britt, that's what friends are for. Like I said before, I know very well how those creeping feelings feel - especially when they threaten to take over. Agh. One step at a time towards the light!

      And how our the babies FOUR...? I don't understand. We were just watching an old video of her from a year ago and she called herself "baby Presley" in that video. The jump from 3 to 4 is so stark after watching some old videos. Man. And how does it happen so fast and yet so gradual??

      I keep reading the same books over and over and over. I'm reading the 50 shades books again for the millionth time! But geez I can't even stay awake lately!!! So exhausted.


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