Married... pushing 24... with a baby on the way?!
When did I get old enough for any of this to be a reality??
I can't believe it, but this is my reality; this is what my life has lead me to and although it is not entirely what I planned, I could not be any happier with my lot in life. :) But even still, some days, I cannot wrap my mind around it all. Just a few weeks ago, I stumbled across old love e-mails from Tony (which then prompted some old love note reading) and it made me laugh to hear us talk about birthdays and "getting to be so old" at every different stage we entered together. There is a certain part of me that wants to go back to that time and just stay there and soak up everything we were back then but let's face it -- life is so chaotic when you are a hormonal teenager. As much fun as we had together and as much as we genuinely loved one another, so many days were wasted on various mistakes and missteps that were made by each of us. More than anything, I wish I could go back and prevent breaking each others heart's so many times - but maybe that wouldn't have lead us to where we are today.
And the fact that there is a little, miniature human being that are equal parts of Tony and I growing as I type this is fully beyond my realm of understanding. I already cannot imagine how something (or someone, rather) can take us by such surprise and complete dreams we hadn't begun to think up yet. We are going to be parents in a few months. Hooooly crap. We're just going through constant changes this past year and even in the middle of it all I can't help but feel extremely blessed that God sees that both of us are fit for this and that He gave us such a little miracle.
Another thing is, I turn 24 in November. That means I will be a twenty four year old mother. I don't know what I would have said five or ten years ago about starting a family, but as of recently I would have thought I would have been older than this. Yet somehow, all of a sudden, 24 sounds pretty damn old. Or more than that, it just sounds old for me. I'm not scared or apprehensive about being older (at least not yet) or offended by my age, it's just I feel that I haven't done very much changing in the last ten years or so. When I stop to think about it, I probably just don't like the fact that I keep getting older and hitting these wonderful milestones and not having my dad around to rejoice in them or to have his opinion on anything. Yep, that's it.
I was so lucky to have an awesome dad. And I am sure it's no coincidence that I married a man who will also make such an amazing dad. Watching Tony be a dad is something I look forward to more than becoming a parent myself. And although Tony and I aren't always the best team together on DIY projects, I have a feeling that we will be a kick ass parenting team. And if we aren't right away, I know that we'll just have to work on it. :) And if you - reading this - are a parent and feel the same way about your spouse after seeing them become a parent, I would absolutely love to hear about it.
Now, to leave la-la land and get back to unpacking. If I expect to have my mom over for dinner tomorrow night, I've not only got to unpack the kitchen, but the living/dining room as well! Looks like I gotta get to it :) Night bloggies.