Friday, December 13, 2013

From One to Two.

Just started to feel so emotional and actually (for the first time ever) guilty to be stripping Presley of her only child status.

That's an awful feeling.  I read a list of things to do in the last few weeks of pregnancy (FANTASTIC list) and the last point brought tears to my eyes.

Am I being selfish for wanting another baby so soon?  Did I consider Presley in the equation heavily enough and in the right ways? 

28.5 months will separate Presley from her younger sibling.  Two years, four and a half months.  Is that enough time with just our Presley? 

I just feel like somehow I am cheating Presley.  Of what, I'm not sure.  Alone time?  Sole focus?  I haven't put my finger on it yet.

It's not like we're shipping her off to the circus when the baby comes.  It's not like she won't still be our baby.  It's not like we will love her any less than before.  So, knowing these things and thinking them through rationally, why do I still feel like this?

I've heard moms say they felt the same way before they had their second child and therefore I know I'm not alone in these irrational thoughts and feelings and I have also heard they are fleeting in the grand scheme.  But for right now, I'm really feeling this.  I have perspective and I know that everything will be okay... it's not that I'm worried nothing will ever be okay or the same and that the sun won't shine... it's not like that whatsoever.  I just feel like I am letting something go... being a family of three, I guess.  And tonight, it makes me sad.

 
 


I'm so thankful to have a safe spot to come to with all my thoughts, fears, joys, etc. and not feel judged.  So very thankful.  Any and all insight - as always - is appreciated.  But more than anything, I just wanted to share my feelings.

3 comments:

  1. I felt the same way! I felt like Kelly would be mad at us when he was older for some reason...but now that Mary is here (and almost two!) I know we made the right choice. They are the best of friends! When she was a baby in her car seat in shopping carts and people would try to look at her Kelly would say "NO SHES MY BABY!" He never wanted to share her! They play together constantly and I know Presley and her sibling will be the same! After having Kelly I was worried I wouldn't love another baby as much as I was obsessed with him, but you do!! It's a crazy feeling switching from one to two, but so fun and worth it. Mine are just less than 3 years apart, but I think if they were closer in age it wouldn't change a thing!

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  2. I think you do a good job "mourning" leaving your current position in life before you move on to a new way of life. I remember you feeling a similar way when you were going from a married couple to a family of 3. I think it's healthy to miss the happy way you've been living and be a bit afraid of what's to come (I know I am!!) And hopefully it will make the transition that much easier!

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  3. The unknown is always hard! I can't speak for this particular situation but I think how you're feeling is very normal. One day at a time hun! ♡

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