Final 50 Questions (PART TEN!)

Wow, it's hard to believe I started answering these questions over three years ago.  It's been fun and challenging but I'm sure happy to be done with this so that I can move on to the next thing! It's been real, it's been fun... thanks 50 Questions for freeing my mind!

(part one, part two, part three, part four, part five, part six, part seven, part eight, part nine)

46. What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?
 Honestly? First thing to mind: I would leave my kids in the car while running errands. It's incredible how many steps there are when it comes to running errands with your kids - especially if the weather is a factor! Goodness... gracious. What would seriously be a 15 second run-into-the-store-and-do-what-you-need-to-do type of trip because a 10 minute ordeal. So yeah, I would leave my kids in my locked car with the windows cracked or something every so often.


47. When was the last time you noticed the sound of your own breathing?
 UGH. This happens to me before bed at night. Instead of noticing the sound, though, I will notice the rhythm and how I am not even in control of my breathing, consciously. And then it will become this totally thing where I stop letting my body breathe and my mind starts controlling it and it's awful! Please tell me this happens to other people...

48. What do you love? Have any of your actions openly expressed this love?
 Oh... I love soundtracks. (Right now my favorite is the 50 Shades of Grey soundtrack - it has SO MANY of my favorites old - Sia, Skylar Grey, Ellie Goulding, & Beyonce. And new favorites like The Weeknd & Annie Lennox.) I love staying up late to read a book and then sleeping in late the next day. I love when my husband is off work and gets to stay home with us. I love getting a pedicure. I love visiting zoos. I love swimming pools on warm, sunny days and just laying in the sun. I love big family get-togethers. I love cooking. I love warm (not hot) coffee. I love going on a date with my husband - that alone time makes me feel so cherished. I love getting my hair cut. I love and enjoy so many things, people, places... it's hard to list them all but these are several that shot straight to my mind today.
 And I absolutely have to be better about being thankful to the people who help me enjoy these things and to be more expressive about my love of these things. For example, Tony will let me sleep in on his off day. Instead of waking up in a bright mood & ooze gratitude, I will just go about the day normally or even groggily because sometimes more sleep makes me feel even more tired! Tony's letting me sleep in because he loves me & wants to make me happy and it's something for me to acknowledge each time! There is a big difference between stating your appreciation and showing your appreciation; both are important.

49. 5 years from now, will you remember what you did yesterday? What about the day before that? Or the day before that?
 I'm very unlikely to remember what I did yesterday on my own. However, thanks to the Timehop app and all the various social medias that I partake in, I will have some clues to what I was up to.

50. Decisions are being made right now. The question is: Are you making them for yourself, or are you letting others make them for you?
 For the most part, I am the master of my destiny. However, I have two children and one husband to consider in all matters.

March 20th.

Today is the first day of Spring -- FINALLY.  Despite my allergies, I have a deep love for this season.  Spring is known for new life and gives me so much hope for the beauty to come.

But March 20th means much more to me... it's the day that Tony and I made it official and exclusive twelve years ago.  (Though, honestly, we might as well have made it official two years earlier if it wasn't for me being so stubborn!)  I can't say I know any different than the life I've lived, but it has been an amazing experience growing up next to the person you love.  We've seen each other through a little bit of everything... personal hardship, injuries, loss, failure.  And we've been there through new lives joining us, weddings, graduations, new jobs, big moves.  Not to mention our own wedding, pregnancies, child births, and newborn phases.  We've lived in countless houses, one apartment, and purchased our own home. 

And if you would have asked me twelve years ago whether I would be with Tony for the rest of my life, I would have told you yes.  But of course, don't we all believe that at the time?  Especially our first true love?  Our journey was anything but conventional.  We went through all kinds of bumps over those years and I can't count the number of times I've wished I could go back to what I now refer to as my "lost years" and do things differently... but the truth is, I can't.  And all the things in our past truly do make us the people we are today.  I do know that through the most difficult part of my life that he was the glue that held me together, the gravity that kept me planted, and he was the bright and shiny light when I needed to see.  He was my friend through everything and at a time when it seemed like there was no hope for a future with us, he was steadfast that we would find a way.

We knew one another as carefree kids on the soccer fields, awkward adolescents on the way to prom, almost-adults-but-not-quite struggling to find our way, and now as parents to our own beautiful children. 

I'm so thankful that Tony kept asking me to be his girlfriend until I was ready.  I'm so thankful to be married to someone who I love so much.  I'm so thankful for all the stepping stones that lead us to where we are.  I'm thankful for his surprise visits to the Quad Cities from Memphis when we lived 500+ miles apart.  And I'm thankful to have him next to me through life - then and now.

So while this anniversary gets trumped by our wedding anniversary these days, it's a breath of fresh air to think back on where we were so many years ago.  It fills me with so much awe & appreciation to remember the beautiful, unadulterated love we had for each other and where it all began.