Wedded Bliss Wednesday: Marriage Reflections

So, there are few things I love more than getting to know myself and others better - it seems the more I learn about myself, the easier it is to relate to others and the more I learn about others, the better then I get to know myself. 

If you're not the blogging type, please feel free to answer any of the questions that stick out to you in a comment - I am still (kinda) a newlywed after all and love gaining additional perspective on what it takes to be in a "for better for worse" marriage.  And if you are the blogging type, you can link up through this blog.

For those of you who don't know me, my husband and I have been married for a year and a half.  Prior to that we dated {on & off } for 8 years.

If you could give on piece of advice to any married (or soon-to-be married) couple, what would it be?
ACCOUNTABILITY.  Make a plan for your marriage.  Write down and talk about what's important when it comes to your future together.  That way, if either of you start to stray from the plans, you can help keep one another accountable and on the right path.  Do you have close couple friends?  Share some of your goals with them and you can all help each other move closer to your ideal self.

What is an absolute must for any marriage/relationship?

1. VULNERABILITY.  You can't always win - you won't always do or say the right things - so it's important to know when to say when.  This includes becoming very comfortable with the idea that you are not going to be right all or even most of the time (unless you are a woman, just kidding!).  Sometimes being vulnerable to your partner is stepping out on a limb and suggesting something out of your comfort zone while a lot of the time it means apologizing when you're seeking your partners forgiveness.  No matter what, vulnerability means opening yourself up and exposing yourself to your partner and to the possibility that your partner could hurt you.  And that's scary. 
2. INTIMACY.  But if you're constantly walking around with armor on and protective walls around your heart - then how will you ever reap the benefits of the special intimacy that can take place between two partners?  This includes physical intimacy as well as emotional, spiritual, and mental intimacy.  These types of intimacy is what keeps you connected;  it can be the difference between being two, disconnected people and being one unified union - which sounds better for your marriage?
3. SACRIFICE.  Sometimes it's as simple as giving your spouse the last ice cream sandwich left in the freezer and other times it's bigger things such as setting aside your needs/wants/goals for another time in order for your partner's needs/wants/goals to happen.  There has to be a give and take - one spouse cannot be the only one making sacrifices in your marriage - that is one way to crumble a relationship!  But when you are able to put your own needs aside in order to do what's best for your family, it is often a very rewarding experience.

What is the #1 NO-NO in a marriage?
COMPARISONS!   JUST DON'T DO IT.  Trust me.
This means no comparing your wife to your mother.  Maybe your spaghetti will never taste as good as your mother-in-law's spaghetti.  (Find things you CAN make - and make them well!) 
This means no comparing your spouse to any of your exes.  Maybe you don't make as much as her ex-boyfriend.  Maybe your will never have the curves his ex-girlfriend has.  (Find a trade off - how many things do you do better than that ex?  And think about it, there are so many reasons your spouse isn't with their ex anymore - your spouse is WITH YOU after all, not their ex!)
This means no comparing your relationship to other couples.  Maybe you don't go out and do as many fun things as your couple friends do.  Maybe you don't have as much money saved up as your married friends do.  (You are seeing that couple from the outside, only.  Try not to be your worst enemy - stop focusing only on your own weaknesses and only on the strength of others.  Instead, focus on all the things you and your spouse LOVE about your relationship.) 

And you know what?  You have to be okay with that and accept yourself for who you are; your spouse for who they are; and your relationship for what it is.  Because at the end of the day, your not going to bed with your mother's spaghetti, either of your exes, or your married friends bank account -- at the end of EVERY day you are ONLY going to bed next to your partner.  

Consolation:  There is always room for improvement and it's never to late to fix the things that need to be fixed.  
Bottom Line:  If it ain't broke, don't fix it! 


What is the biggest lesson you have learned from your marriage?
EVERY marriage is different.  Embrace your differences and strengthen what makes your marriage unique... you will be happy for those distinctions from all the other marriages out there in the long run because what makes you different from others could be the exact reason why your spouse fell in love with you.  So the all of the above may be deemed as "advice" to some people, but is it going to be useful for everyone or possibly ANY one who reads it?  Nope.  Find what is important and helpful to your marriage and do that!


I would be lying if I said I take my own advice every day or even most days.  But thankfully, because of the vows we made to one another, Tony and I chose that for better or for worse means not giving up on each other or our marriage.  Not ever.  And it's a promise I want to keep to him every day for the rest of our lives.