But it's not always easy and I have many days, weeks, and months where I feel so frustrated with being single and so ready for this waiting period of my life to be over. I'm tired of being the single girl in the group, tired of not having anything to add when my friends complain about husbands and marriage and raising kids. It gets lonely and there are times when I wonder if I'll ever be the girl to wear a white dress, walk down an aisle, and say "I do."
I'm not naive to the pressures of marriage. I know the divorce rate. I hear the complaints. I know it's not roses and butterflies all the time. Marriage is hard work and requires a lot of compromise and dedication to your partner. You have to grow as your partner grows, grow into new seasons of your marriage and have the ability to change as it changes.
But you get to be with the love of your life. Your person. Your best friend, the one you're meant to be with, your soulmate. You get to wake up next to them and have adventures with them and watch them grow into a person you love more and more each day. Marriage is an incredible thing that we get to experience. It's worth all the hard work.
As a single girl, marriage seems like this unattainable state. I want it. Some days, I even crave it. But it feels like that part of my life is so far away that it's hard to imagine myself as a wife.
One of my ways of coping with being single, especially during the harder moments, is writing letters to my future husband. I began doing this three years ago as a way of writing down all my fears, desires, and needs at the moment. I wanted to have a record of my thoughts during my season of waiting. I wanted to have these letters that I wrote to my husband when I had no clue who he was. I'm not consistent in how I write or when I write... just whenever my spirit moves me to do so. Sometimes, the letters are bursting with hope and life and happiness. And sometimes, they are not. Sometimes, they are dark and moody and filled with raw honesty of my heart at some moment in time. These letters are as much for me as they are for him. They are to remind me of the man I will give these letters to. They are to remind me that God would not place this desire if He didn't intend to see it through to completion.
Right now, I know I am meant to be in this stage of my life. The waiting period, as we're so apt to declare it. Being single has its benefits. It's a time when I can focus just on me - on my desires and needs and wants. I can grow by myself, without having to worry about leaving anyone behind. I am free to follow my heart wherever it may take me. I can be unabashedly selfish with my time and put all my attention on me. As a single girl, I am choosing to honor myself and my values by being true to my beliefs and not falling for the first guy who shows me any kind of attention. It means being picky about who I spend my time with and what dates to go on. It means finding my truth, honing my strengths, and learning to love me as me.
It can be hard to be single, especially as it seems like I'm not following the path I should be on. With friends all around me getting married and having babies (my best friend from high school is already a married mother of two!), I can feel so far behind the curve. I lose friends because we're in different seasons of our life and as year by year goes by with no interesting prospects, it can make me wonder if there is something wrong with me. If I'm not doing enough or being enough for the perfect guy to fall in love with me.
But here is the truth of this life we live. We are meant to be where we are right now. I am meant to be single. There is a reason God has called me to a time of waiting. Perhaps I'm just not ready to be a wife just yet. I still have growing to do. It was never my path to get married at a young age. I always had a feeling I would be an older bride, but that's okay. There is nothing wrong with singlehood. There is nothing wrong with being alone and taking my time with this dating thing.
In essence, we are all in the place God wants us to be. There are times when He will push us to do more and spread out to new beginnings and changes in our lives, but He's always there guiding us. God is always there, guiding us, helping us, and showing us that when we follow in His footsteps, we are on the best path we could ever hope to be on.
One of my absolute favorite segments across the entire blog-world is Stephany's letters to her future husband and once I heard that she set a goal for herself to guest blog 50 times in 2013, I jumped at the chance for her to share her story with my readers here! Thank you so very much Stephany for sharing about your prospective and life with us. I'm certainly cheering you on in this waiting period.
|You can find Stephany's blog here: Stephany Writes|